


The Tether

by ClasseySpanks



Category: Star Wars - All Media Types, Star Wars Sequel Trilogy
Genre: Angst, Canon Compliant, F/M, Force Bond (Star Wars), Post-Star Wars: The Last Jedi, Rey and Finn friendship, Slow Burn, Sometimes you can only find Heaven by slowly backing away from Hell, Star Wars - Freeform
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-12-22
Updated: 2018-11-12
Packaged: 2019-02-18 14:42:34
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 20
Words: 47,515
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13102329
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ClasseySpanks/pseuds/ClasseySpanks
Summary: Rey recalled when she had once seen a man drown in quicksand too far out for anyone to lend aid. His hands had scrabbled for purchase, his voice quiet except for a strangled breath as he tried to keep his head above the line.Ben reminded her of that man, a desperation that made her apprehensive, though more for herself or him, she could not say. He had looked that way to her only once before."You have that look in your eyes," she had told him at their last meeting, "from the throne room."Again, as he had for weeks, he turned away.





	1. Chapter 1

"Of course he had to break mine," she muttered under her breath as she started to work the outer casing off the old light saber, wiping furiously at the sweat on her brow to keep it from dripping onto the Jedi text laid out before her. The heat vents on the Falcon were at sixty percent capacity, the resulting humidity making her almost long for the arid climate of Jakku.

She was examining the innards of the piece, turning it over in her hand and skimming the text when the broken kyber crystal rolled out onto the page. She set down the hilt, retrieving the blue crystal to hold it before her eyes.

_The crystal is the heart of the blade. The heart is the crystal of the Jedi. The Jedi is the crystal of the Force. The Force is the blade of the heart._

A familiar ripple of awareness passed over her and she folded her fingers closed over the shard.

_Him._

She kept her back stiff, refusing to move. Her fists clenched tighter around the broken crystal, eyes watering as the sharp edges pressed into her palm. She hated this feeling, like her chest would cave in with every breath, and she reflexively brought her fist up to her heart. The bond keened between them and she was mostly able to suppress her shaky intake of breath.

"When you saw the future, what did you see?" his voice echoed across their connection, flat and detached as it had been at their first meeting.

She finally turned to look at him. He stood in profile, eyes staring out at something she could not see with his ungloved hands clasped behind his back.

And maybe it was that, his bare fingers, that prompted her to respond.

"I saw..." She cleared her throat as her voice cracked. "I saw flashes of us, together, side by side."

"Did you see any details? What we were wearing? Where we were?"

"No," she replied slowly as she tried to pull her vision from her memory. "It was just an impression, really. I felt it more than anything."

The column of his throat bobbed with a heavy swallow. "Felt what?" he asked, his whispered question clear in her head.

What did it matter now if she told him the truth? It wouldn't make it hurt any less.

She glanced down at the fist that contained the shattered crystal.

"Belonging."

She was not sure he heard her before the bond slid closed. She turned back to the task at hand.

* * *

 

She tossed again, rolling onto her stomach as her mind drifted through that twilight sleep as she dozed in and out of awareness. Sleeping on spaceships was difficult for her, the constant hums and twitters a stark contrast to the dead silence of the desert. Finn, who had spent most of his life on a ship, commented on how odd it was was that she felt so at home in a pilot's seat and yet so off kilter once prone in a bunk. At least the usual bustle of human life was absent from her current situation. After the tight living quarters aboard the Falcon for the past couple of weeks, the solitude of this mission was a welcome relief.

**_You're not alone._ **

_Neither are you._

She bolted upright and twisted, her eyes finding him immediately. He was seated, his body folded over with one hand curved over his mouth, his thumb propping up his chin as he watched her, resplendent in black gleaming armor. He straightened slowly, his hand dropping to reveal an unreadable expression.

 _When had he learned to do that?_  she wondered.

That beautiful, cruel face had seemed incapable of subterfuge before she had closed the door of the Falcon on it. Now he stared at her, those dark, intense eyes boring into hers and she looked away. It was a well practiced move by now. Most days she succeeded, finding his visage too painful to behold.

But _he_ always looked, his gaze feeling like the gravity of a black hole pulling at her back.

This bond.

The power that must have been required to link them across the galaxy... for Snoke's influence to last this long after his death...

To think such a being had been brought down by a simple ruse.

"Was it all a lie?" she heard herself ask icily.

His face contorted and she felt a small spark of triumph at his fury wiping away the disaffected mask.

"I offered you everything," he replied through gritted teeth.

"I didn't want it," she snapped right back

"No, you wanted to turn Ben Solo back to the light. A defector that would be a great boon to the flagging Resistance. How they would celebrate you..."

"It wasn't like that! I-" her voice cut off and she bit her lower lip as if to keep more words from tumbling forth.

"Then what was it?" he asked eyes narrowed, the ever present hurt swimming to the surface behind them.

Rey's back straightened and she met his glare with one of her own.

"Returning you to the light would have been strategically valuable. I would have tried for General Organa alone but..." she trailed off again with a sigh and looked away, her voice dropping. "I wanted that future. Even after I learned it was all fake, I still..." she finished with a resigned shrug.

Her words seemed to agitate him, his body twitching with barely contained energy as his leather clad fingers dug into invisible armrests.

"And now you hunt me and everything I have left," she started again, her voice rising and not bothering to keep the bitterness out of her tone. "How do you think this is going to end?"

She braced herself and prepared for a hateful tirade detailing how he would crush them all beneath his fist. Instead his lips twitched as he worried them between his teeth.

"This wasn't Snoke's doing."

"What?" she breathed out, incredulous.

"Our connection. Snoke did not do this."

His voice was soft like that night by the fire and she found herself blinking rapidly in her disbelief. "What then? The Force? You think it is doing this?"

"I do."

"But... why?"

He didn't respond at first, his eyes traveling over her face. "I intend to find out."

The ship shuddered around her as it exited hyperspace, snapping her attention away from his dark figure and she darted to the cockpit, breathing out a sigh of relief as the planet came into view. She had found it.

_Ilum._

* * *

 If the vast green of Takodana had rendered her speechless, the white powdered mountains of Ilum stole her breath with their monstrous cold beauty. The terrain was unlike any she could have imagined and shockingly unpredictable for all it lacked in variation. Each step was met with anticipation that she would either sink to her knee or slide across the surface. She had only thought she knew what it was to be cold while on Ahch-to. Here, her teeth rattled and her temples throbbed with her attempt to keep them still. Her course was unwavering, the call of the Force leading her forward to the remnants of the crystal caves deep beneath the earth.

  
Her fingers ached as she started to climb, the cold dulling her sense of touch but upward she trekked, puffs of condensation escaping with every labored breath. After a couple of hours and with a victorious grunt, she hauled herself over the ledge, expecting to see the mouth of the cave before her. A whimper of disappointment escaped her as she stared into a never ending plateau of snow and she pushed herself wearily to her feet.

"It... It should be right here. I feel it," she muttered to herself, turning in a circle. Her frustration flared bright red in her vision but she reigned it in and tried to center herself, reaching further into the force for clarity

"Where are you?" a deep baritone echoed around her and she spun to see him staring at her with a curious expression, his charcoal cape oddly still in the blowing snow. Irritable from cold and exertion, she frowned from behind her scarf and marched hotly in his direction.

"None of your kriff-" she started to shout just as the ground opened up beneath her. Her last vision before she was swallowed by the black was his horrified expression and his arm snapping out as if to use the force.

She never thought crumbling sheets of ice would sound so much like her name when they fell.

* * *

The surrounding structure flashed around her as if illuminated by a dying light before it stabilized, an endless red chamber with a shining obsidian floor.

_Fire above and below._

She was back in the Supreme Leader's throne room, the guards solidifying into position one by one and a flare of sparking red igniting in her peripheral vision. Her body reacted just as it had that day, spinning to put her back against his... Her hand again slid over his thigh as she braced herself against him and they flowed around each other like water, a tether strung tight between them such that she knew where he was and where he was going to be.

The memory made her ache with loss for her companion and the strange intimacy they shared. It seemed so cruel in retrospect... she had thought that moment the turning point, her reward for her faith in him and in the light side of the Force. How could she have felt that way, been so sure of their place in the world and been so wrong?

Oh and _the shame_... the shame she felt for her hubris, that she could turn him back to the light when his own mother and father could not. It sat like a cold stone under her ribs.

_But not to me._

The burning walls faded from her view, blessedly sparing her from having to relive the rest.

* * *

Rey did not know how much later it was when she woke but awareness came quickly. Fighting her instincts in the black dim of the cave, she stayed still, tentatively moving each extremity to test for injuries and was relieved to find very few except a knot on her head. With a groan she sat up and frowned at the gaping hole far above her that was barely visible in the dying sunlight. A fall from that height should have killed her.

"Can you not see me?" he asked and she startled at the nearness, his voice sounding like it was right at her ear.

"Ben!" she admonished sharply, the nostalgia of her dream still clinging to her, and she stiffened, waiting for an angry rebuke. His only response was a quiet sigh.

"No," she started again, answering his question. "I can't see you..." She hesitated as she could feel a shift in the force, the signature she knew distinctly as 'Ben' moving around her and she inclined her head with his movements. "But I can sense you." She felt him stop, his aura vibrating with all of its broken energy.

_The crystal is a reflection of the one to whom it calls._

_The heart of the blade._

"Are you hurt?" He asked again so close, the ethereal reverberation of the bond now only a waver on his final word. She felt something warm and slightly rough graze the tender spot on her head, but the electricity in its wake left no doubt to the source. He withdrew his hand instantly but did not retreat like she expected him to, his essence hovering within her reach.

"I'm fine," she mumbled, pushing away from him to her knees and feeling around for her pack. She found it not far from where her body had landed and pulled out her light source, cracking it against her hand. Soft blue light emanated from her palm and reflected off the glittering walls, shimmering beams dancing across the floor and her body. Slowly she turned in a circle of this glittering galaxy, her lips parting in wonder at the sight.

"Beautiful," she breathed out and smiled, the force swirling around and over her in this place where the ancient Jedi had walked. Forgetting herself, she turned to him, belatedly recalling that he could see only her.

Too late, their eyes met.

_We will haunt each other for the rest of our lives._

A small spasm traveled through him, his hand twitching at his side as he vanished from view.


	2. Chapter 2

Rey pulled the scarf from around her head and undid her jacket, her exploration finally taking her deep enough to where the heat from the underground lava pits wafted through rocky vents. The call was coming louder now, that woken thing deep inside her starting to stir and stretch its limbs. The texts had said there were other planets throughout the galaxy with kyber crystals but she had known to come here, to the place of the ancient Jedi that had been ravaged by the Empire... a place of Light carved up by the Dark...

She thought it was fitting. She never could seem to find one without the other.

The solid thuds of her foot falls started to echo and she slowed her pace, keeping her eyes on the edge of her light as she approached a faintly glowing pit in the widening cavern. She peered over the edge, the walls uniform and forming a perfect circle, the end of which was almost not visible. Far, far below, molten rock bubbled and churned.

_An Empire mining drill did this._

The Force within her reached down pulling her to the edge of the abyss.

"Of course it would be down there," she grumbled, looking mournfully at the perfectly twinkling crystals around her as she started to unwind her fiber cord. Peeling off her outerwear, she secured one end of the line and she slid herself over the side onto the first toe hold. Down and down she moved, letting the Force guide her reach and direction. Heat from the core of the planet made her skin tingle and sweat beaded at the nape of her neck, coursing down her spine. She had to pause several times to wipe her damp palms on her tunic to preserve her grip while her breath came in deep pulls, in and out until the sulfur burn made her wish she had kept her scarf tied around her face.

A break in the wall appeared just as she could feel her skin start to burn like when she'd not been careful to cover herself from the blistering sun on Jakku, and she swung into the space, unhooking her cord and securing it to the wall. On hands and knees she crawled through the passage, ignoring the sense of claustrophobia she felt as her shoulders and hips scraped against the rock. The Force pulsed around her like a heartbeat.

_So close. It has got to be close._

Her knees were starting to bruise despite the protection of her pant legs and the skin of her fingers, already ravaged by her climb down, were not finding any reprieve on the crystal pocked floor. The opening became narrower and she had to lower to her stomach, pulling herself along with her forearms. Her breath came out in rough pants, the sweat from her brow obscuring her already compromised view in the dark, as her clothes caught and tore until she could go no further without fear of getting stuck.

It was right there, she could hear it calling just beyond her reach and she laid completely flat, her fingers stretching out to her crystal.

_No, please, please..._

She shimmied forward, the sides of the cave pressing tightly against her chest and restricting her breathing, and an anguished cry escaped her lips as she stretched out again, her muscles protesting the effort. The Force inside her flared bright and fierce in a whip-like lash, snapping the crystal from the wall to fall into her palm where it warmed like a hot stone. Her jaw trembled and she cried out in relief, her forehead dropping to rest against the floor.

Finally, the crystal was hers... something to call her own, something meant for her and her alone.

Her chest rattled with the sobs that followed before she collected herself, knowing she needed to ascend before her energy gave out. Inch by agonizing inch she shifted her weight backwards, gritting her teeth against the pain of gravel against abraded and heat tenderized skin.

But she could endure it.

That was what she had done her entire life, after all.

Abandoned. Endure.

Starved. Endure.

Beaten. Endure.

Hunted. Endure.

Disappointed. Endure.

Heartbroken. Endure.

The words rolled through her head like a drumbeat, each one resonating in time with the movement of her body. And so, hand over hand, step over step she climbed until she reached the top, collapsing in a heap on to her previously discarded clothes where she fell unconscious, her hand resting protectively over the crystal in the pouch slung round her neck.

* * *

She dreamed a memory, a conglomerate of moments boiled down to the essence of her existence on Jakku. Loneliness and cold assaulted her as she huddled in her AT-AT husk against a sand storm, so hungry she could hear the keening of her stomach over the raging winds. She understood why some of the scavengers had been reduced to eating sand... anything to stop the gnawing pain that made her knees draw up so tight she could tuck her face in them. They are knobby and thin and she guesses she must be about eleven in this moment, trembling from fear, hunger, and the cold. She is not crying though. Crying is a luxury in the desert and luxuries are something Rey knows nothing of. The walls of the AT-AT started to rattle and shift, parts being sheared off as a sacrifice to the brutal God-like gales of Jakku.

There is something else here with her, large and watchful as it observes from the edge of her dream. She pulls tighter into herself as the weather roars around her, hands clapping over her ears as her meager possessions start to sink into the sand.

Not for the first time, she wishes for her mother, her father, someone, anyone to hold her and provide the comfort she is not able to give herself.

The watchful thing moved, great and dark, enveloping her just as the AT-AT disintegrated, blocking out the wind and the cold, leaving just a warm hum deep in her bones.

Content, Rey sinks further into sleep.

* * *

She startled awake hours later, wincing as the motion pulled at her tender skin and made her sore muscles spasm.

_Kriff, this is bad._

Slowly she pulled herself into a seated position, her hand squeezing around the crystal to reassure her of her success. Light was pouring into the shaft from the sky above, and she could see it was well into mid day with wafts of snow trickling down with the rays. Excited to finally see her crystal in detail, she tipped the pouch into her hand, shaking it gently.

Her face fell as it rolled out and heated in her palm.

"I thought... I thought it would change color," she said to herself, running her finger over the clear faceted surface. She held it up, peering through into the sky when she saw it, a fine hairline crack splintering to the center of it and branching like the snowflakes she had seen against her ship's windshield.

Hot tears pooled in her eyes and she closed her fist around the crystal, concentrating on its soothing warmth.

_It's broken but it's mine._

"Mine," she repeated, loud and fierce.

Securing the crystal back into its pouch, she pushed herself to her feet and dressed, taking a moment to eat a protein ration to keep up her strength for the return trip.

Though easier than her outset, the return trek took the better part of the day in her weakened state, and the sun was disappearing behind the mountains as she opened the hatch to board.

The droids had kept the vital systems on while utilizing minimal fuel, and Rey was grateful the interior of the ship was significantly warmer than the environment just outside.

"TwoBee," she said to the medical droid as she pulled the crystal over her head and set it down on her bunk. "I need your assistance."

It whirled around her as she stripped down to her small clothes, the process slow and tedious to try to limit her pain.

TwoBee screeched in angry twitterings as it scanned her, distressed over her blistered skin and the swaths of lacerations and abrasions that littered her body.

 _Fresher,_  it tweeted at her in binary.  _Then bacta. Use the water. We have melted enough for replacement._

She nodded her agreement while undressing and stepped into the refresher, hissing as the water sluiced over her wounds. She rested her head against the wall, jaw clenching until the washing cycle was complete. TwoBee was waiting with fresh underthings, which she gratefully put on and stepped out, settling herself on the bunk as the droid started to mend the worse of her cuts. Her shoulders slumped as she finally let herself relax, her eyes drifting closed as she stretched her neck.

A sharp intake of breath had her freezing in place and she took a moment to steady herself before slowly opening her eyes.

In their meetings, he always looked at her face, usually unwaveringly locking his gaze to hers. But now his eyes roamed all over, traveling from one arm, across her chest, down her abdomen to her thighs and knees before traveling up the path again, his face becoming stormier and stormier with each passing second. Though his cheeks carried a telling pink tinge, it was not lust that she saw in his expression but something far gentler and yet more fierce, bordering on devestation. He looked away, clearly trying to give her privacy, his fist clenching at his side.

 _It upsets him to see me like this_ , she realized looking down at her bruised body.

"Do you need help?" he asked, still looking away.

"I'm not telling you where I am."

"I already know where you are."

A cold bead of fear pricked at the base of her neck and she thought she saw him flinch. She knows he is telling the truth. They do not lie to each other here.

_We do not lie to each other at all._

"There was no one else with you after you fell. You're on a mission alone on a frigid planet and you are in need of a kyber crystal. There are only so many places that you could be, with Ilum being the most likely." He paused, glancing at her from the corner of his eye. "I'm not going to try to stop you, if that's your concern."

"Why not?" she asked a bit more harshly than intended but it had been a really trying last couple of days and seeing him always filled her with complicated emotions that she had no clue how to vent.

He turned to her fully, his eyes careful to stay focused on hers. "Why did you not kill me in the throne room when you woke first? Why did you clip my light saber to my belt before you left?"

She dropped her eyes, folding her arms over her chest, suddenly very conscious of her state of undress. Neither of them spoke and he looked away again, glaring a hole in the wall until he faded from her view several long moments later.

She rubbed her face in exhaustion before waving TwoBee off. Healing could wait. If he knew where she was, she needed to get out of the star system. Wearily, she drug herself to the cockpit, punched in her new destination, and jumped into hyperspace.


	3. Chapter 3

"Rey," said Finn, his voice slightly robotic as it filtered through the hologram speaker, "are you sure there's no way you can return?"

She sighed regretfully. "I can't, Finn. I can't know anything about the resistance right now. It's too big of a risk until I learn to shut him out."

"And no luck on that front I suppose?"

"I don't even understand what this is to even begin to know how to close it off."

Her friend frowned, hands going to his hips as he stared at the floor. "We could really use you back. Things aren't good."

"What? What has he done now?" she asked, her voice sounding brittle even in her own ears.

Finn let out a humorless chuckle. "For once it isn't him. The General is not well and morale is low." He sighed. "We're already so adrift... there's just this feeling in the air, you know?"

Rey nodded. She had felt it too, anticipation thick and dreadful, like the fingers of destiny wrapping around a limb to to drag them towards it.

"How are Rose and Poe?" she asked, changing the subject.

Finn smiled, this time genuinely. "Rose is nearly all healed and Poe is relatively well considering he hasn't blown anything up in a while."

She returned his smile, happy Finn had found camaraderie in others but still very much aware of the pang in her chest. "I miss you, " she found herself saying without having meant to.

His eyes softened and he smiled sadly. "I miss you too, Rey. Come back to us as soon as you can. "

She sniffled, and swiped at her nose as she closed the comm, settling her head back against the rest of the pilot's seat to watch the mesmerizing pattern of hyperspace streak past her. Minutes later she shook herself free and moved to the mess hall where she'd deposited the texts and the components of the light saber. The power cell was functional, the break having occurred at the crystal itself though the casing, focusing lens, and blade emitter would have to be replaced. She picked up her crystal, letting the weight settle in her palm and contemplated her options as she knew nothing of where to obtain these specialty items.

 _Salvage them_ , she thought, setting the item back down to return to the comm.

"Finn, Finn, are you still there?" she asked as the holo flickered back to life. A second later, he leaned back into frame.

"Yea. I'm here. Is everything ok, Rey?"

"Yes, I just need you to ask the General a question for me."

"Sure. What is it?"

"Where was Luke's temple located?"

* * *

The stillness of Yavin 4 was unsettling as if the weight of all the history that had occurred here was laying like a thick blanket over the surface to pin all life to the ground. The Force moved like an echo in this place, back and forth, from one direction to the next and Rey felt rudderless as she stood on the Trident's ramp at the edge of the jungle, the remnants of Skywalker's Jedi settlement spread out before her.

 _He did this_ , she thought bitterly but both Ben and Luke's faces flashed before her and she decided to let that trail of thought go for now as it would only distract her.

"Come on then, feet," she whispered to herself, slinging her quarterstaff to her back.

She moved to the largest structure, pausing in front of its foundation. This place felt hallowed and sacred, but needs must, and she placed one foot gingerly on the crumbled steps.

Her world lurched, the daylight blinking out into night as screams and cries filled the air.

She whirled around to see Ben behind her, his arms outstretched as he used the force to rip the roof off the building and set fire to the supports, his contorted face bathed in the cyan glow of his light saber. Six others, similar in age, stand behind him with grim determination etched in their features.

"I can't let you do this!" a voice shouted and Rey turned to see an older woman, a green light saber in her hand as she stood in front of some children just in their teens. Three others, two men and another woman, moved to flank her sides, unlatching their weapons from their belts.

"He's been lying to us!" snapped Ben turning to the woman, the temple temporarily forgotten. "He tells us to ignore our passions, forget the injustices done to us, and walk in the light while he had no compunction to draw from the Dark Side when it suited him."

"What are you talking about? He was your Uncle, your Master. He loved you!" the woman shouted back as she stepped toward him and her companions ignited their sabers. The children stepped back toward the jungle.

"Loved me?" asked Ben coolly. "Is that why he just tried to kill me in my sleep?"

The woman's steps faltered as she shook her her head. "No. That's not true. The Dark Side has..."

"The Dark Side has allowed me the power to save myself. I will not be powerless again. Not for anyone." He raised his saber in her direction. "Leave or die," he commanded.

The woman's face pinched in pain but she drew up her blade in an unmistakable gesture, assuming the opening stance of Ataru. Six more blades ignited behind Ben.

Rey watched helpless as the battle raged. Though outnumbered, the four Jedi were more experienced and able to hold their own, using a remarkable display of both force powers and swordsmanship. She willed herself to watch to learn what she could but she had to look away when one by one the Jedi fell until only the woman remained. Holding out her weapon, she limped backward from Ben's advance. He struck her down without a word, her saber falling from her hand as she hit the ground. His focus once again on dismantling the temple, he did not see the weapon roll to the feet of one of the teens who had been watching the entire fight horrified.

Even though she knew she was seeing events long passed and permanent, Rey still ran, trying to stop the boy as he ignited the blade and charged forward, his eyes burning. Ben, hearing the disturbance, turned, hand outstretched to trap him in a force hold, but one of his knights lunged forward and buried his saber blade into the child's gut.

"No!" screamed Rey and Ben in unison.

Suddenly blinded, she stumbled back, tripping over the stairs as she blinked up into the sun, the world again quiet except for the hammering of her heart in her ears. Shaking herself, she stood and began the process of methodically picking through the debris, trying to shut off her mind.

If Luke hadn't let his fears sway him in that crucial moment, if Ben had just stopped to listen, if the Jedi had just taken the younger ones and left when Ben gave them the option...

Rey pressed her fingers to her temples as if it would slow her racing thoughts but it did not help and she left the structure to walk over to a tree at the edge of the clearing. She folded herself up at the base, her palms lifted in an attempt to meditate. She came here with purpose and she needed a clear head to achieve it.

Her body relaxed inch by inch, the force spreading out from her like the mists of the morning fog she had seen blanket the peaks of Ahch-To. Yavin 4 lit up in her mind's eye and for a moment her consciousness touched all the living creatures on its surface before it raced outward across the galaxy. If she'd still been connected to her body, Rey would have felt her own gasp as she found them, the Resistance, and like beacons among them, Finn, Poe, Rose, and Leia. She watched as they all simultaneously startled, their eyes going unfocused as they tried to discern why they suddenly felt buoyed and hopeful. Only Leia looked back through the Force, her signature strained but bright as she returned the equivalent of a forehead touch to Rey's greeting.

The Force continued on, leaving her friends and realization dawned on Rey just as her mind found the First Order. Like a wave she rolled through them, leaving them stumbling at a sudden foreboding dread that clenched at their hearts. The Knights of Ren cocked their heads in curiosity at the disturbance, concerned looks passing among them as they guarded their emperor.

The tendrils of her mind coalesced, veering sharply as it honed in on its last target with a ferocity reserved for him and him alone. Their minds collided, the force driving him to his knees on the dais of his throne as she speared deep into him. It was like on Starkiller base but more intimate, her emotions and memories all pouring into him. 

And then she heard it, his response like a sigh on the wind.

**_Rey._ **


	4. Chapter 4

Her consciousness extracted itself from Ben, snapping back to her like the release of a slingshot, and her eyes flew open as her torso slammed back into the bark of the tree. A trembling hand lifted to reassure herself she was back in her body, something within her blaring a warning.

_Too much._

"What did I just do?" she whispered

"Well, you nearly killed yourself, for starters, by extending your power so far."

Rey scrambled up, her legs nearly giving out on her and she pulled her blaster to aim it in the voice's direction. It was the woman from the vision, the one Ben had killed, her white blonde hair surrounded in a blue halo as she stepped towards Rey.

"You're dead," said Rey as she sunk back to the ground, unable to remain upright though her aim stayed true.

The woman smiled serenely. "Yes, that I am. My name is Tionne Solusar and I died just over there." She pointed to the temple. "But you knew that already."

"But how... how are you here?"

"Jedi can become one with the force upon their death. It allows us to return, in a manner of speaking, when we are needed." The woman raised one hand, flipping it over as she examined it. "I'm quite surprised I managed it, though. I was never a particularly powerful Jedi. I put most of my energy into mastering the lightsaber forms and restoring our knowledge of the Force."

The blaster point dipped before falling useless to Rey's side.

Answers to her questions hung tantalizingly  in front of her but she'd been here before and seen her hope get crushed again and again.

Solusar sighed sympathetically. "I do not have all the answers you seek, but I will tell you what I can."

Rey eyed her skeptically as she moved to a more comfortable seated position. "What just happened, then? What did I do?"

"That was an ability known as battle meditation. It was rare, even among the Jedi, and I do not think there has been a practitioner with as much natural ability as you since Bastila Shan," replied the Jedi. "It is a subtle but powerful skill. It creates enhanced coordination and morale among your allies and sows doubt and indecisiveness among your enemies. The tides of war are changed on such things." She paused, glancing over Rey's sweaty and wane countenance. "But it should only be done in close proximity to the effected parties to preserve energy."

Rey rested her head in the crook of her arm as it draped across her knee and nodded. "Understood."

"Your connection to Ben Solo is a bit more complicated."

Rey's stomach clenched and she looked up at the woman with weary anticipation.

"Force bonds have a long, very convoluted history steeped in both the Dark and the Light."

Rey snorted humorlessly to herself. "Of course they do."

_Never could find one without the other._

Solusar raised an eyebrow but otherwise ignored her. "A Force bond allows for communication of feelings, thoughts, and images across distances. Through such connections, a person's will could bolster the other or allow them to draw upon the other person's strengths for their own use. If a bonded pair are fighting alongside one another, their coordination is enhanced, allowing them to be more effective against greater odds."

Rey immediately thought back to the Emperor's throne room and the tether she had felt between them, the one that still thrummed to its other end across the galaxy.

"It can be quite parasitic, though. The Sith referred to it as a Force Chain. The more powerful among them would bind a strong apprentice and suffuse them with their personality, their thoughts and emotions, using their power to dominate the connection. It would not be long until the apprentice was just an extension of the will of the Master. The Jedi mostly avoided bonds as it created attachment to another person, leaving them open to passions and prejudice. When it did happen among them, it was usually formed over time with great understanding and trust of one another."

Rey swallowed thickly against the dryness in her throat. "Did he do this to me? To try to turn me?" she asked, but it did not feel right on her tongue. He had seemed just as shocked as she was at their connection though more so with curiosity than disdain. "Or was it Snoke all along?"

"While minds can be temporarily melded, a true bond cannot be created by a third party," replied Solusar shaking her head. "You and Ben did this to each other."

"Me? I-" sputtered Rey, indignant. "I barely know how to use the Force!"

"And yet you just reached across the galaxy to influence the minds of everyone in the Resistance and the First Order before using the bond to flood Kylo Ren with your emotions."

Rey's jaw opened to protest before she snapped it shut again.

"Sometimes," started the woman again, more gently, "bonds were created instantly and unintentionally between two powerful Force users with an affinity for," her voice trailed off as she seemed to run through possible responses, "a more cerebral use of the Force. There were documented cases of a bond forming after one person extensively healed another, or-"

"When one invaded their thoughts," finished Rey, the interrogation room on Starkiller base resurfacing in her vision. She recalled how their minds pressed against one another until something on both sides gave way, interlocking and sliding passed as they tore through one another and left part of themselves behind.

The woman nodded. "The stronger in the Force, the deeper the bond."

"Can," started Rey but paused to close her eyes and take a deep breath. "Can it be broken?"

Solusar frowned. "Yes, but neither way is pleasant and you would suffer greatly."

"Tell me."

"He can die, by your hand or another's, it does not matter, but you will feel him like the phantom of something lost for the rest of your life. Some bond survivors are driven mad and most never again command the use of the Force like they once did," she replied academically, as if reciting from a text. "Or you can sever yourself from the Force completely and irrevocably. He will feel your loss the same as if you had died."

She blinked back the tears in her eyes, the weight of this thing between them rendering her mute.

"Rey, may I ask you something?"

She did not respond, which Solusar took as acquiescence.

"Do you even want to break it?"

She tried to say 'yes' but the word caught in her throat. Even if she risked the mental damage of the act, she wasn't sure she could kill him. The opportunity had been there, clear and open after the explosion in the throne room with the stakes higher than they had ever been, and yet...

She had told herself she did not do it because killing him would just leave a vacuum another would step into and the devil she knew was better than the one she did not. But now, she realized, it was because she still had hope that he could save himself and be the person he was within their bond, a mesmerizing contradiction of light and dark in harmony instead of the vacillating tipping of scales he was without.

She felt him awaken in the back of her mind as her thoughts flowed about him. He is curious and watchful, the Thing from her dream.

She imagined him before her, dull-eyed and placid, clad in the brown robes of a Master Jedi, the very picture of reformation to the Light.

And she recoils.

That was never Ben Solo. That would never be Ben Solo. To ask that of him was to demand failure.

A new image replaced the one of him and she knew it came from his mind, reactive and unintentional.

It is of her, black leather armor covering her form, a contrast to pale, nearly translucent skin as she holds a saber the color of blood out at her side. The face is both hers and not, all softness gone with lips twisted in a cold, cruel smile, and coal-rimmed eyes that find everything lacking under their golden glow.

His revulsion is an immediate mirror her own and she is quickly bombarded with images...

_The smattering of freckles across her cheeks, standing out against her golden skin..._

_Her brown eyes soft and pleading as they flick to his lips and then up again to his face..._

_Her smile in the cave on Ilum with blue light dancing over her features...._

A languid warmth spread in her chest, chasing away the sickening image of her as a Sith. Then, as suddenly as they started, the impressions are gone, leaving behind an echo of chagrin that tells her he did not intend for her to see them, these things he identifies distinctly as  _'Rey'_.

She comes back to herself as he pulls away from her mind but Solusar is already gone.

"No," she answered the air around her. "I do not."

* * *

The echoes of the Force had dimmed and focused since her interaction with Master Solusar. She pushed up with a groan, thinking that sleeping in a vat of Bacta once this damn war was over didn't sound like a terrible idea, and followed the call past the charred temple to a row of dilapidated huts. Over rocks and through tall grass she stepped until the Force halted her progress at the most remote and thoroughly demolished of the houses

The foundation appeared small to her as she looked it over, head cocking to the side as she tried to imagine him and his bulk curling up in such a space.

"No wonder you are so grumpy all the time. After sleeping nose to knees for several-odd years, your back must be killing you," she muttered, unintentionally directing the thought down the bond, and instantly regretted it as she felt his brief shock followed by understanding.

**_You're on Yavin 4._ **

"Farking shavit!" she growled, too angry at herself to enjoy his surprise at her use of such foul language. She pushed him away and out of her mind, relieved to find she actually could and extended her hand, using the Force to expel the brick and mortar and decayed organic husks from the site. She stepped inside and lifted a partially collapsed table, pleased to see a few items well preserved underneath. She crouched to examine a stone box on the floor, her fingers singing with the Force as they wiped the dust from the latch. Inside, unused lightsaber pieces of varying size and materials looked on from their meticulously kept slots, and her jaw dropped, not believing her good fortune.

_He was experimenting with different lenses and emitters._

Her smile faltered.

_No casings though. But its a start._

She closed the box and secured the latch, moving to depart when something else caught her eye. She lifted a rotting blanket and removed an odd wooden box with perforations all in the lid. She frowned, wondering if it had contained a little pet or something, her curiosity getting the better of her as she opened it for examination. Multiple metal-tipped, bone-colored cylinders rattled around inside over a little black bottle and a metal stand. While not ostentatious, the items had a certain simple beauty to them that called to her scavenging instincts. Without giving it too much thought, she balanced it on top of the rest of her haul and stood to make her way back to the ship.


	5. Chapter 5

She dreamed of the island, same as she had for so many nights on Jakku, but it was different now and felt empty as she stood on the rocky precipice. She thought she would find something here once upon a time, had been so sure of it...

That certainty had been her salvation, a reason to get up in the morning, like her faith in her family returning.

But both were just empty promises, lies she had told herself to find comfort and meaning. And now Luke Skywalker was dead, the Resistance decimated, and she in self imposed exile telling herself that her duty was to preserve the way of the Jedi. This was her purpose now.

It tasted like another lie.

A traitorous part of her wanted to talk to _him_ about it, the person who had no qualms about distributing truth as he saw it. The link between them was even more pronounced after she had touched his mind but he kept his end clamped down, only the tenor of his thoughts reaching her. It felt discordant and tense, like a wire fraying under the strain.

She peered over the edge of the cliff, looking down into the entrance of the underground cave, the crashing waves slowly lapping at the edge of the cavern. She understood now.

When she asked to see her parents, she was really asking a question she herself had been asked so many times.

_Who am I?_

While ooking to her past for the guidance to lead her forward, it had showed her.

_I have to decide for myself._

She scoffed and sighed. What an awful long way to go for such a cryptic, unhelpful answer.

The roar of the waves was starting to pound at her head and she backed away from the undulating ocean only to stumble and fall backward into nothing.

She awoke with a start, sitting up so quickly, she nearly struck her head on the bunk above. And there he was, his posture stiffening as he sensed her in return and she felt him try to withdraw further. However, whatever measure of control they had found over the mental link did not extend to this physical one and they both remained in each other's presence.

He took a moment to compose himself, straightening the sleeves on his smoke colored tunic before turning to meet her gaze, something rigid in his frame that suggested a quick enough movement would tear him apart.

"What did you do to my crew?" he asked his eyes focusing just to the right of her head. She followed his line of sight before looking back at him with a raised eyebrow.

"Are you speaking to me?"

Annoyance flashed across his face as he finally looked at her. "What did you do?" he repeated through clenched teeth.

She swore she could feel the implied ' _to me_ ' added in her head.

She chewed the inside of her cheek, arms folding across her chest as she refused to answer. She wouldn't lie to him, but that did not mean she had to offer herself up like a porg to a predator.

"They felt you, you know, the Knights of Ren," he said, voice low when she still hadn't spoken. "They know you now. They know what you feel like in the Force."

"What does that matter?" she snapped. "They were always going to try to kill me."

"They woul-" he started to shout, his hand reaching out before he cut himself off abruptly, arm falling back at his side. "You're right. It doesn't matter." He paced, one hand threading through his black hair. "We have to find a way to end this. This connection between us has served its purpose."

His words stung and she stood from the the bunk to hide her flinch. "I've been looking into it myself," she said, ignoring the way his head snapped up to her, "and you have two options. You can cut yourself off from the Force forever..." He scoffed and waved his hand dismissively.

"Or you can kill me."

He stilled, his eyes boring into hers to discern any signs of duplicity and she returned it,  her face a careful neutral mask. Finally, he shook his head.

"No. If I can shut you out of my mind, I can stop these... meetings." His eyes flicked over her and he marched past, the connection fluttering closed behind him. She let her anger flare white hot down the bond, a parting reminder to him that he wasn't as closed off as he'd like to think.

He did not speak to her the next time they connected, instead quickly exiting whatever area he occupied in an attempt to be rid of her. But he only reappeared in her space, eyes glancing over briefly in a combination of exasperation and dismay. She imagined she must be quite the specter to him, haunting the corner of every room he passes through.

His side of the bond grew more agitated with every passing day, like a high note held way too long. Every session he looked paler, hair more drab, and his mouth drawn in a perpetual scowl. His eyes, however, seemed to burn more than ever.

Rey recalled once when she'd seen a man drown in quicksand, too far out for anyone to lend aid. His hands had scrabbled for purchase, his voice quiet except for a strangled breath as he tried to keep his head above the line.

Ben reminded her of that man, a desperation in him that made her apprehensive, though more for herself or him, she could not say. She had seen him look that way only once before.

"You have that look in your eyes," she told him at their last meeting, "from the throne room."

Again, as he had for weeks, he turned away.

* * *

A recent supply run had yielded a promising prospect for a replacement casing at a junker's shop. It was just an inlet pipe from the busted engine of a Bravo 1 but she was relieved when it turned out to be close to the right size. It took the better part of two days to cut the needed holes, wire the components, and solder it closed but she was pleased as she lifted it for inspection. It was crude and heavy, a shadow of what Luke's saber had been, but she decided it would do for now, function and practicality winning over asthetics.

"Well, TwoBee, no time like the present," she said to the droid as she pushed back from the table, saber hilt in hand. She thumbed the switch, the metal heating and vibrating in her hand as a brilliant white beam erupted.

An incredulous cry escaped her as she looked on, a grin breaking across her face like it hadn't since the cave on Ilum. It fell almost as rapidly as it appeared, though, her eyes taking in the beam as it licked and hissed in the air, the metal in her hand becoming uncomfortably hot.

"Kriff," she muttered as she fumbled for the off switch but she was too late. The back of the hilt exploded as a second beam shot out, even more unstable than the first. It lasted only a second before it destroyed the power cell, both beams shorting out, and Rey dropped it, the scorching metal burning the palm of her hand.

"No, no, no," she whispered, kneeling next her destroyed work, face flush with frustration. The crystal and lens were unharmed but the emitter had shorted out and the power cell and the casing were burned completely through.

_Two days worth of work and you have fewer resources than you started with._

She let the burned items roll from her fingertips to land with a clunk on the floor as she pinched the bridge of her nose with her damaged hand.

It had looked like his, she knew, white instead of red but angry and spitting just the same from her cracked crystal.

 _The cross guards are vents_ , she realized.

Chiding herself for her stupidity, she stood, reaching for the stone box to pull out the partial cell tucked in the back when her hand froze midway. She felt something, far away in the Force, like thunder on the horizon. She turned to face it just as it washed over her, beautiful and bright, and left the Force rippling in its wake.

Rey clutched her burned fist to her chest as the wall on the other side of the bond fell, flooding her with raw, breath-taking emotion and she knew... without a doubt she knew.

Leia Organa had become one with the Force.


	6. Chapter 6

She had just finished winding the bandage around her hand when she felt it, the distinctive brush of the Force that told her the bond was about to open to its fullest. Taking a moment, she swiped at the tear tracks that were still on her face, and turned, not even sure of what she hoped to find anymore.

He sat facing away from her, his long frame bowed over his knees with his dark hair obscuring his face. Motionless, he was the eye in the maelstrom of his emotions, each of them pinging against Rey like shrapnel, striking and moving on before she could really grasp their meaning. He looked like a wounded animal, huddled in on himself for protection, and radiating a viciousness that made her hesitant to speak. A slight turn of his head was the only indication he had even registered her presence.

She nervously plucked at the bandage on her hand, uncertain if anything she did would be welcome. He had been so cold to her this last month and his relationship with his mother was something they had never discussed. She supposed it didn't matter. No words were coming to her regardless of any context she tried to presume.

Slowly, deliberately, she moved forward, only vaguely noticing how her surroundings morphed with each step, the soft lighting shifting to a harsher one, tones of blue shading it instead of golden warmth. The bench he sat on solidified, then the grey walls behind him, but it wasn't until her boots clicked against the metal tile on the floor that he straightened, looking at her from over his shoulder.

The manic desperation in his eyes was gone as he followed her steps, something akin to resignation newly settling in their depths and he did not stir when she got within arms reach. She sat behind him on the bench, close enough that her back touched his, and their breaths synced in opposition. His body pressed against hers and she to him with every inhalation, the only spot of warmth in his sterile and sparse room. His emotions calmed slightly, their roar becoming a gust, but still too changeable for her to hold on to. Instinct told her to let her head fall back, rest it between his shoulder blades.

His next breath lifted her jerkily as it hitched before he smoothly exhaled and she turned her head to the same side as his, her ear grazing against his shirt. She had no idea what she was doing with this strange way she was attempting to provide comfort, but it seemed to be working, his emotions no longer stinging against her, but instead floating on currents around them. She closed her eyes, focusing on the faint thrum of his heart against her back and this feeling between them, the unnamed one that had been an undercurrent to all their interactions... the one that dominated in her little hut on Ahch-To.

 _Stars_ , how she had missed it.

The muscles of his back shifted underneath her as he moved.

"Rey?" he asked in a hoarse whisper.

"Yes?" she asked.

His reply came not in words but a memory he projected into her head. It was of him crashing to his knees in his throne room as she opened the mental connection between them, pouring herself into him through it. It had not been painful, not in the physical sense, and he had felt he had gained something from it... something he wanted to share with her now.

He was asking permission to do the same.

She bit her lip in apprehension, recalling what Master Solusar had told her about the Sith and the use of the bond like a shackle.

But she had been the one to do it first and she had not asked his permission. He waited patiently, his breaths lifting her every few seconds.

She leaned forward, wrapping her fingers around the bench to steady herself and relaxed her mind to let him in unfettered.

"Okay."

It felt as if she'd left her body along with the word, memories and feelings that were not her own rushing in, running together like rain against stone.

He was a child being lifted and spun by a radiant Leia, sparkling peals of laughter echoing around them. Her heart clenched as next he was with Han Solo, sitting on his lap in the Falcon as he explained the different controls, and Chewbacca grunted conversationally behind them.

"I know. He's going to be a natural, Chewie. It's in his blood."

The world blurs and he is waking, a dark shadow creeping across the room, and milky blue eyes seeming to watch even as he hides under the covers.

_They have left you all alone._

He screams, the Force rattling the walls around him, and it is a droid that responds. An unfathomable sadness fills her when she realizes neither Leia or Han or coming.

He holds Leia's hand as they leave her office for the day. She can hear whispers but when she looks to find their source, she only catches furtive glances and suspicious eyes.

_Son of a smuggler… tainted blood… Corellian filth… what a peculiar child… I don't like the look of him_

He grips Leia's fingers tighter.

She can feel something warm trickling from her nose and her cheek hurts something awful but all she can focus on is the person suspended in front of her, fear radiating from the teenager's eyes as he struggles to breathe. The other children around them are frozen, mouths hanging open in shock at the scene before them. In the distance she can hear a scream, but no one will come near them. A voice in her head hisses with malevolent glee.

_Yes. He struck you. He deserves it._

"Ben!" she hears Han shout as he bursts through the line but skids to a stop, the look on his face complete devastation as he glances from his son to the other child. To Rey it appears as if all his worst fears have come true, manifest in a single moment on an otherwise innocuous sunny day. Leia is right behind him, stopping only briefly to assess the situation before she moves to block Ben's view of the gasping child.

"Let him go, Ben," she says calmly, crouching down to be on eye level. Reaching out, she grazes her fingers against his bruised cheek. Rey wants to let him go but the hissing voice grows more insistent.

_He has earned this. Lessons must be taught._

Leia's brow furrows, a sadness filling her eyes as she moves her hand higher, hiding the subtle gesture as brushing back his hair. The Force washes over them and Ben goes unconscious.

They are stepping off the ramp of the Falcon, Han and Leia at his side, and the humidity of this jungle planet already making her sweaty and uncomfortable. Luke lowers his hood from where he waits and moves forward to greet them. He remains silent as his mother and uncle hug and his father claps Luke on the back. Her attention is drawn up as Luke places one hand firmly on their shoulder and smiles kindly.

"Hello Ben."

She looks at him and feels a rush of admiration and hope come from Ben. He hopes that maybe he can stop him from making Leia so sad and Han so worried. Maybe he can even stop the voices.

"Hello Uncle Luke."

"Master Luke, Ben. It is Master now," corrects Leia gently.

"Master Luke," he echoes, fingers wrapping tightly around the golden dice in his pocket.

He is the youngest on Yavin 4 for a while, but already stronger than the rest. Slowly Luke's praise develops a hesitant quality as his powers grow.

_He looks at you like your father. All weak men fear greatness._

He sticks his fingers in his ears and hums. The voice just laughs.

He wonders when his parents will visit. He thought things would be different here once he was around others sensitive to the Force but he is still an outsider, he is still lonely. This wasn't what he wanted.

_No matter. A God does not concern himself with ants._

He sits through innumerable lectures and meditations about the Dark Side… avoid temptation, eschew attachment, let go of passions, seek knowledge, conquer fear… words he could recite in his sleep… but he looks around and sees none of these Jedi try to conquer their fear of him, none who try to know him, or let go of their suspicions.

 ** _Hypocrites,_**  he thinks as he watches Master Tionne and Master Kam sneak off together, as he senses Luke think of Leia and Han, and as the other apprentices avoid him.

 _There is no light,_  the voice says.  _Only a sanctimonious illusion created by those who lie to themselves and everyone else._

Luke tells him it was he who suggested that Leia and Han not visit for a while, that maybe it will help him adhere to the Jedi code, that it will soothe some of the turmoil Luke feels within him. Ben can't decide who he is angrier with… Luke, for the advice, or his parents for listening.

He has gone into the jungle alone to think, to process what he has just learned.

Darth Vader was his grandfather.

His heart pounds against his ribs as he hears the voice again.

_And you, my legacy, will complete my work. You will have to go farther, you will have to sacrifice even more than you can imagine, and you will suffer. But so is the price of greatness, of shaping the reality of which we live._

"Ben!" calls Master Luke as he finds him in the clearing. "We need to talk."

The next few memories are a kaleidoscopic whirlwind and they send her reeling. Luke's betrayal the night of the temple, the defection of himself and the knights, their meeting with Snoke, and the start of his training... scene after scene of pain, fighting, beatings, mental anguish all the while his soul hardens and crystallizes under Snoke's tutelage. He claims and defends the title of Master of the Knights of Ren through battle and blood and sweat as they are all shaped into the blunt instruments of the First Order. Finally, the barrage of memories slow their breakneck pace, allowing Rey to take a breath as she processes the horrors she's seen, the pain that Snoke found "most instructive".

He fashions the mask and becomes Kylo Ren.

The fear in people's eyes when they look at him has reverence and obedience now instead of condescension and disgust.

_Fear is the true uniting force, Lord Ren. Love leads only to weakness and destruction._

It is unpleasant but he feels like he is living in truth about who and what he is, that he is not fighting the dark parts of himself anymore. He feels free, he feels he has purpose... to unite the galaxy in peace, dismantle the corrupt republic, and to bring balance to the Force by destroying the Jedi that pervert it.

But just as the dark used to eat away at him, so now does the light, manifesting in moments of compassion and unease with the course of the First Order. He was vocal in his dissent of the construction of Starkiller Base, citing the failures of the previous Death Stars, while thinking of the destruction of Alderaan and the tears in his mother's eyes when she spoke of her home world. Snoke punishes him greatly for this weakness and reminds him of his place in the Order.

He is driving his saber through the back of the last of this batallion's men, his knights behind him as the rain beats against them on this desolate planet when the lightning flashes and there is a figure... a woman, perhaps, is the best he can tell from the brief illumination.

He steps toward her, preparing to attack but she is gone.  He can feel the stares of his men on his back as they had just watched him charge at nothing.

But Rey, she knew. It had been her, that split second in the hall beneath Maz's place she had seen this moment before. 

_Impossible. This was years before Finn ever came to Jakku..._

And yet he had seen her too.

The rain is gone, her vision filled with ominous red.

He is watching the destruction of the Hosnian system streak through the sky, forcing himself to watch, uncertainty and regret churning in his gut. If only he had gotten the droid sooner, maybe this could have been prevented.

_Through pain and sacrifice, our goals will be achieved._

He must find the droid. To do that, he must find the girl.

He is stepping off his shuttle on Takodana when he pauses, feeling something in the Force that makes him nearly falter. It is something new, unlike anything he has felt before, and he feels a promise of change in it. It intrigues him and makes him apprehensive all at once. A trooper has approached and started to speak to him, to update him on the BB8 unit.

"Sir, the droid was spotted heading west, with a girl."

He is moving into the forest, glimpses of beige darting between the rocks and trees and Rey takes in a shuddering breath as she sees herself. She can feel his interest as she clamors over rocks and fauna, firing at him every chance she gets though her fear is almost palpable. He almost lazily swats away her blaster bolts, a demonstration of his superiority before deciding to definitively show her the futility of resistance by freezing her in place.

It is... unsettling... to see this interaction from his point of view and feel his surprise as he takes her in completely for the first time, looking her up and down, noting that she is young, small, and thin, no more than a reed he could easily snap between his hands. But more than that, there is a familiarity that he can't quite place, a sense that he knows her or that he should. This contrasts with everything he has accumulated about her, a filth smudged girl wearing rags for clothes, a scavenger from a dirtball called Jakku. How she found herself here, the center of attention of one as great as himself is a wonder of its own.

Rey's irritation flares and she resents how self conscious she suddenly feels watching herself here.

"The girl I've heard so much about."

He is grateful for his mask, that she won't see the disconcerted look on his face as he feels admiration of her defiance stir something deeper within him, something that he does not recognize. Trying to shake it, he moves to stand behind her, her fear spiking through the Force as he places his saber near her ear.

"The droid. Where is it?"

His frustration flares when she refuses to speak, instead closing her eyes to avoid looking at the spitting blade in her peripheral vision. He withdraws his weapon. There are easier ways to get information than physical torture, more reliable too, though just as painful. He reaches into her mind, ungentle and without finesse as time is of the essence.

"The map. You've seen it," he says, unable to suppress how impressed he is and looks into her eyes, this time searching. He sees flashes of her life, alone, a child rooting through relics of the old Empire under the desert sun.

 ** _Who are you?_  ** he thinks but they are interrupted and part of him is glad he doesn't have to let her go yet... there are far more questions he has than just whatever hole Skywalker has crawled into.

"Forget the droid. We have what we need."

Though there are other troopers about, she is shocked to see it is him that carries her over the uneven terrain and through the battleground, stealing occasional glances at her unconscious face as his gloved fingers curl around her side and thigh. It occurs to him this is the first time he's touched another person outside of overt violence in years and it unnerves him that he finds it pleasant, almost comforting.

Harshly, he reminds himself that he is only holding her because he knocked her unconscious and will have to interrogate her or face the wrath of the Supreme Leader. She is quickly deposited on the nearest available surface and out of his arms once they enter his ship.

She sees herself strapped to an interrogation rack, muscles limp while he is crouched, watching before he lifts the cloud from her mind.

"You still want to kill me," he says, the tendrils of his mind on the surface of hers. Rey is surprised at the dismay she hears in his voice that she missed the first time around. He is... disappointed... that she did not seem to feel the connection between them.

"That's what happens when you're being hunted by a monster in a mask," Rey hears herself bite out as she struggles against the restraints.

Though he has been called far worse, done things that deserved far worse, her words sting and he wants her to see his face, wants to see the unease that his visage seems to bring so many others. He hopes it will dull whatever it is that draws him to her.

Rey recalls this moment as she had experienced it, expecting to see some grotesque creature, not a young man with regal features and eyes that seemed to see down to the marrow of her bones.

He keeps his face a neutral mask though he senses it in her mind, the stunned feeling of recognition and the shock of something else that she, unlike him, was able to give a name to... attraction. Perplexed, he approaches her.

"Is it true?" he finally asked. "You're just a scavenger?"

She doesn't respond, silent from the humiliation of both her attraction and his estimation of her and it makes him uncomfortable.

"Tell me about the droid."

She rattles off the specs of the unit and he is almost amused at her gumption.

"The map. It's what i need."

He felt her mind skitter around, looking for anything to think of but what the droid had shown her.

"I can take whatever I want," he says, trying once more to reason with her, make her see that it will hurt far less if she just gives in to him. Of course, she just pulls further away.

He leaned over, pushing deeper into her mind.

"You've been so lonely," he murmured as he searched, working his way through her blanketed layers of suffering. "So afraid to leave." And then he sees it... "At night, desperate to sleep, you imagine an ocean. I can see it... I can see the island."

It is rocky, almost inhospitable in its appearance but she holds it dear to her heart and has created a whole life there in her mind while on Jakku... even dreamed up a half-imagined companion waiting for her, someone who would love her.

She turns her face away from him, flush in embarrassment and he takes the opportunity to study her... the column of her neck, the stubborn jut of her jaw, the length of her lashes, and her ridiculous hair... before probing again into her mind.

"And Han Solo," he says, an old, familiar frustration surfacing, "he feels like the father you never had. A dead end, that vision. Let it go. I can tell you for a fact he would have disappointed you."

"Get out of my head!" she growled.

 ** _Rey. Her name is Rey,_**  he thinks to himself as he pulls it from her.

"You've seen the map. And I'm going to take it. Don't be afraid. I feel it too," he told her, a small acknowledgment of his fascination, one he hoped would end once he took what he needed.

He pressed harder into her mind, determined to find the answers he sought ... and came up against a wall, fiery and firm.

To his astonishment, she started to push back, breaking through his barriers before he could even fully erect them. He could feel her rushing into him, into his very heart until a cloaked figure in black was all he could see.

"You," she hears herself saying clearly, "you're afraid. That you will never be as strong as Darth Vader!"

He finally expels her from his head, staggering from the effort, and can feel it now, the wild untamed energy that is pouring off of her like an unseen dam has broken wide open.

Is it her? Is she what I felt in the Force?

He looks her over, her face all righteous, indignant fury, the Force whipping around her unfocused and uncontrolled.

And he realizes he wants to keep her.

The thought drives him from the room, his hands shaking as he breathes heavily against a wall.

**_She is powerful, she could be an asset to the First Order. That is all I see in her value. If nothing else, she cannot be let go lest she return to the Resistance_.**

He straightens as a trooper cautiously approaches him.

"Lord Ren, Supreme Leader Snoke requests your presence in his chamber."

He nods and follows.

And Rey... she couldn't look away if she wanted to.


	7. Chapter 7

She can't look away but oh, how she wants to when the catwalk materializes in front of her, Han Solo approaching along it, his face defiant and pleading all at once.

Black gloves fill her peripheral vision as Ben removes his mask.

"Your son is gone. He was weak and foolish, like his father. So I destroyed him."

His voice is steady while his heart is racing, doubt spreading dangerous tendrils throughout his mind. Snoke assured him this would make it stop, end the torment that had eaten away at him since he was just a child. Snoke promised strength and he delivered, promised power and he has it, gave him purpose and he followed through. The Supreme Leader has not failed him yet.

"Snoke is using you for your power, manipulating your abilities. When he's gotten everything he wants out of you, he'll crush you. Toss you aside. You know its true."

The tendrils burrow deeper. Why... why did his father come out here!? He tried to walk away when he sensed him. He wouldn't have to do this if he had just kriffin' walked away...

"It's too late," he says, the words bubbling up from a walled off corner of his mind.

"No, its not. Its never too late," says Han stepping toward him. "Leave here with me. Come home. Your mother misses you."

The doubt pierces his soul, and his eyes start to burn as traitorous tears build in them, a picture of Leia's smiling face flashing in his mind. His heart lurches and he feels as if he can't breathe, a child's longing for his mother pure and intense burning through him.

He can't go on like this. Not for one more day.

**_Let the past die._ **

"I'm being torn apart. I want to be free of this pain. I know what i have to do, but I don't know if I have the strength to do it. Will you help me?"

"Yes. Anything."

**_Kill it, if you have to._ **

He marvels at how steady his hand is as he removes his saber from his belt, holding it out to Han. His father's fingers close over his as he presses the ignition, and adrenaline surges through him and he is grateful to feel anything else but the agonizing vacuum in his chest.

"Thank you."

He releases the breath he had been holding as the body falls and he waits for the Dark to wash over him, give him certainty and finally cleanse him of the Light.

It does not.

**_My father... what have I done?_ **

The Light flickers and burns brighter.

He considers just leaping off of the catwalk himself and ending it as blinding pain erupts in his abdomen and he drops, his hand going to his side to use the Force to slow the damage. He knows who shot him, should have expected it, but embraces the betrayal that accompany seeing Chewbacca holster his bowcaster.

**_Two of my Uncles now my attempted murderers._ **

The Light whispers that the wookie could have shot him in the head, killed him if he had wanted.

He is trudging though the forest, snow sticking to his hair, his every step, every breath agony as blood slowly soaks his clothes. He is using the force to hold staunch the internal bleeding but there is so much, and his concentration can only be pulled in so many directions. The effort it takes makes Rey breathless, the pain excruciating as it fuels him forward, making him almost heady with the Dark Side keeping him knit together.

She sees herself in front of him, hate in her eyes as she calls him a monster. She pulls her blaster and he retaliates, sending her flying into a tree with more force than he intended. A flash of regret shoots through him that he quickly snuffs out... she needed to be incapacitated. Snoke demands that he bring her to him. It is necessary.

And right now that light saber belongs to him and he will take it from the traitor. He should have reported him when he did not follow orders at Tanual. No good deed he ever did went unpunished.

He toys with Finn, taking enjoyment out of burning him with the cross guards until his former subordinate lands a blow, a sharp rebuke echoing in his head for him to finish it. He sends Finn spinning, falling unconscious to the ground... and it is his, his grandfather's light saber.

His vision feels dim, his pant leg now completely soaked, and he reaches for it, using the force to call it to him. The hilt won't heed his command and he pulls harder with the Force until it snaps free... and right past him into Rey's waiting hand.

**_It is you._ **

He is momentarily frozen in awe, his jaw going slack and he knows at that moment he must convince her, he needs to convince her to join them. Why else would the Force have sent her, made her so familiar? It is her destiny to change the galaxy with him. It must be.

He welcomes the anger he feels roll off of her in waves. It only reassures him of her place with the Dark Side. He spins the hilt of his blade in his hand, excited anticipation rippling through him. Her rage is fine with him. He has enough to meet hers and then some.

From this side, Rey can feel him pull back on some of his strikes, ensuring they barely miss her while still throwing his weight behind the blows that connect dead on with her blade. She recalled how each made her teeth rattle in her head and hands vibrate til they were numb. She had thought every hit the killing one, the one that would make her world go dark. But now she sees he was testing her and wearing her down in equal measure, only occasionally aiming to truly wound. He is pleased she is not naive to combat, though clearly her weapon of choice is not a sword. She will be a quick study, nevertheless.

The ground shakes and they lock blades, Rey's back to the collapsing ravine and her stance off balance. He presses down on her just enough to remind her of his advantage. Now is his chance.

"You need a teacher. I can show you the ways of the Force!"

He watches in anticipation as she blinks at him through the amethyst hues their blades cast across her face. "The Force?" she whispers and closes her eyes. He presses further down on her but finds she will not budge, her spine straightening as if infused with steel.

Her eyes open and he feels fear strike him in his heart, the Force rushing into her and backing her strikes as she pushes him away. Both the Dark and the Light rage around her and his boot squishes as he stumbles, some blood sloshing out the top onto the snow.

She slices him across his leg then gives a spiteful stab into his shoulder that sends him to the ground. She doesn't press her advantage, instead stalking around him, the prey now turned predator as he scrambles to his feet and sends a wild swing in her direction. She parries the strike, sliding underneath to catch it with her free hand before swinging her blade at his neck. He blocks it just in time, locking his fingers around her wrist, squeezing so hard he feels her bones grind together. His teeth grit uncomfortably as he tries to overpower her and the Force that has suffused her being.

But she slips free ( _don't you always?_ ), striking his saber hilt from his hand and slashing his torso and face on her upswing.

He rolls over from his place in the snow as quickly as his wounds will allow to face his death with open eyes. He underestimated her and would now pay the price.

He feels strangely calm about it..  as if part of him had known his fate would lie with her.

Rey barely recognizes herself, teeth bared and feral, her desert wear blowing in the snow. Her skin is cast in a the blue light of her blade and she looks like some vengeful goddess of the Force as she looms over him.

She takes a step.

And the ground tears asunder between them.

She is suddenly cold and wet, air being forced into her lungs as she floats. He is pulled from the bacta tank when he's healed enough to survive, his body dropped unceremoniously onto the cold floor by his knights. They will pay for their disrespect later.

They leave him there alone as he pushes himself to his feet, pulling on the Force to steady the tremors in his limbs.

Han's face flashes in his mind and he swallows against the sudden lump in his throat. He can still feel his fingers against his cheek.

He dresses slowly, taking time to ensure every item is fastened securely and perfectly in place. It is painstaking work but every article lets him feel some small measure control return as he boxes up his regret and pushes it into the recesses of his mind. He pays no attention to the hole in his side but pauses at his reflection in the glass of a table.

It should make him angry, the humiliation she's dealt him forever on display, but instead his fingers trace over the slash bisecting his face almost reverently. His thoughts are unformed and muddled so much so Rey cannot interpret them further before the room comm crackles to life.

"Lord Ren, the Supreme Leader commands you."

His hand drops from his face and he shivers as he dons his mask, Snoke's wrath palpable even from here.

He berates, threatens, and shames him for losing to Rey. His barbs all find their marks, all except the last. There is something more to the Scavenger and if Snoke cannot see it, Ren will not enlighten him further.

His punishment is brief but painful. Snoke cannot afford to have him, his most powerful knight, incapacitated when they need to retaliate swiftly. The Praetorian guards return to their posts when they think him properly subdued.

Luke Skywalker is no longer a priority. The Resistance must be snuffed out once and for all.

He is lost in thought, barely registering the sting of the med droid as it works to repair his face. He should feel... something... satisfaction at least, after destroying D'Qar and having the Resistance on the run. Perhaps he should feel shame that he couldn't kill his mother. Instead, he just feels hollow and numb.

The Force had quaked from whatever Leia had done to survive, leaving his bones vibrating, a ghost of the power still clinging to him.

He had asked her once, when he was a teenager, why she did not use the Force more, why she had not dedicated herself to becoming a Jedi when she was so strong. Leia had told him she and the Force only communed when they absolutely needed one another. No more, no less.

She might be the only true Jedi he's ever known.

His thoughts were interrupted as the sound suddenly went out of the room and his back stiffens, eyes narrowing suspiciously as he waves off the medical droid. They pass once over the empty space, twice-

And he stops breathing.

The scavenger is sitting across the room from him, her lips parted in identical shock.

Whereas his mind had been so full before, now he is capable of only one thought.

**_How?_ **

Her arm snaps out, snatching up her blaster to fire it into his gut and he jumps reflexively, shocked to find himself unharmed. There is just a glimpse of her as she ran away, disappearing through the wall and he took off after her, sliding across the floor in his haste. She has stopped running when he finds her glaring at him, her hand resting on her weapon.

"You will bring Luke Skywalker to me," he says and pushes with the Force to attempt a mind trick, but pulls back his hand, his jaw rolling when she just continues to stare at him hatefully. He looks her over, his curiosity of their situation overcoming his embarrassment. "You're not doing this. The effort would kill you. Can you see my surroundings?"

"You're going to pay for what you did," she spits at him but he barely hears her, instead his mind racing to understand. He wonders, not for the first time, about her and why the Force keeps pushing them into each others orbits

"I can't see yours. It's just you...No, this is something else."

Unlike her, he has no anger when he looks at her, just a feeling that she holds the answers to questions he doesn't even know to ask yet. The only thing he is certain of about this girl, feels it like the Force around him: his destiny is tied to her, only the how and why left to be determined.

Something startles her and she looks over her shoulder.

"Luke."

Rey feels a rush of adrenaline surge through him and the reason surprises them both. He is worried... for her.

The world blurs and she is overlooking a sea of machinery and sparks, a distant roar of waves becoming louder in her ear. His heart thuds heavily as he turns around, knowing she will be there.

"Why is the Force connecting us, you and I?"

"Murderous snake! You're too late. You've lost. I've found Skywalker." Her words lash at the wound left in his heart since his father and he is flooded with this sudden need for her to know why he is the way the is, how this all came to pass.

"Did he tell you what happened? The night I destroyed his temple, did he tell you why?"

"I know everything I need to know about you."

"You do?" He moves closer and she becomes more solid, the edges of her figure sharper. The anger and rage in her eyes makes him defensive and frustrated, and it strikes him she's looked at him like that before. "Oh, you do. You have that look in your eyes from the forest... when you called me a monster."

"You are a monster."

His father's face flashes before him, then the villagers on Jakku, the Jedi on Yavin 4, and the Hosian system he did not fight hard enough to save.

He steps close enough to where he has to look down to meet her eyes. She is right; he is the tip of the lance, the edge of the knife. He carries the burdens of war to make a difference and change the reality in which they live.

"Yes, I am."

Her glare falters as if she was expecting a protest and he hates how it makes him hopeful. A crash sounds near him and water strikes his face, cold and salty against his lips. He wipes it away, stunned at the strength of the link, that it can transfer things physically between them. He wonders if he could touch her, and inwardly scoffs, an unexpected bitterness creeping into him that he writes off as academic disappointment. She would never let him near her enough to test it.

He strips off his tunic and his arm guards, his turmoil subdued for the time being. The last few hours have been spent reminding two of his knights why he is their master in combat before sending them off on a mission. Perhaps tonight he will sleep.

The Force brushes against him, just as he is about to reach for his waistband.

"I'd rather not do this right now," she says, a curt announcement of her arrival. She is behind him.

"Yeah, me too."

"Why did you hate your fath-"

He watches her closely, fascinated by her response and the blush that is rushing up her neck to the apples of her cheeks. A masculine pride burns in his chest, absurdly pleased he has this effect on her and he feels something dark and possessive curl in his abdomen. He welcomes it as it gives him something else to focus on than the question he knows is coming.

"Do you have something? A cowl or something you can put on?" She is scrambling now, averting her gaze and he steps toward her, pushing past the personal space boundaries they had previously established. He needs her off balance for this conversation.

"Why did you hate your father? Give me an honest answer. Why did you do it? You had a father who loved you, he gave a damn about you!" She rails at him, tears welling in her eyes and spilling over her cheeks. He knows he is not immune to her either, his heart twisting at the sight though he keeps his face stoic, and it confuses him. He's never been moved like this before, not by a woman's tears. Force, what is happening?

"I didn't hate him," he says, offering the truth. He despises liars.

"Then why?"

"Why what? Say it."

"Why did you kill him? I don't understand." The anger is ebbing from her, leaving just sadness as she implores him to explain.

"No? Your parents threw you away like garbage." He remembers Han and Leia leaving him on Yavin 4, and the almost insurmountable urge to run after them coursing through his body. He'll never forget the despair that filled him as the Falcon disappeared into the clouds.

"They didn't!"

"They did but you can't stop needing them. It is your greatest weakness. You can't stop looking for them everywhere... first in Han Solo and now in Skywalker," he says, calmly. She already knows, deep within her about where she came from. He caught glimpses of it when he was in her head back at Starkiller base while sifting though all the layers of pain she had wrapped herself in to hide the droid's map. "Did he tell you what happened that night?"

"Yes."

"No. He didn't," he says, voice quiet with a cold viciousness. Of course not. The coward never told Leia or Han the truth either. "He had sensed my power, as he senses yours. And he feared it. "

He tells her all of it and it feels good, cathartic even, to give her the true measure of the great Luke Skywalker, a man who'd murder his apprentice nephew in his sleep. The Universe paints in broad strokes, Skywalker a hero, himself the villain, but maybe it will be enough to keep her wary and not let Skywalker too close where he could hurt her too.

"Liar," she says but it has no fire behind it, and he doesn't argue. She'll see the truth, he is certain, ugly and rotten as it may be. Abandoned, despised, feared, and searching, they are the same... if only she would let go of the illusion that history can be rewritten in shiny new ink.

"Let the past die. Kill it, if you have to. It's the only way to become what you are meant to be."

He's so close to her now he can see the doubt swimming in her shining eyes, the moonlight reflected in them and he can't look away. The isolation of his quarters feels oppressive once she is gone.

His dreams are unusual that night, hazy and blurred with the feeling of something warm pressed against his back, and the smell of salt and damp air brushing against his senses. When he wakes he knows he will never tell anyone in the First Order of this tether he has to her.

He starts to devise his argument to the Supreme Leader of Rey's necessity without revealing their connection. It will be a difficult task as Snoke only wishes to destroy her... but there had to be a way. He envisions a galaxy without her and quickly dismisses it, ignoring the pang it leaves behind. The Force could not have done this only to allow him to kill her. The logistics have him clenching his jaw as he enters his quarters.

A soft sniffle has him freezing mid-step, swallowing thickly before he turns around. She is huddled on the floor in soaked clothes, her body trembling, and his heart does that foreign lurch again, the one it only does with her.

"What did he do?" he asks, the sudden rage he feels seeping into his words as he crouches down near her. Her head snaps up and she looks at him bewildered.

"It wasn't him," she says through slightly blue lips, her eyes flicking over his face and he is temporarily spellbound. It is the first time she's looking at him with something other than fear or anger. He feels warmth working its way up his neck and he clears his throat.

"You need to get warm," he says flatly and she blinks before looking around.

"I can build a fire," she replies, her voice cracking on the end like its a question.

He nods and steps back as she rises and shrugs off her vest, collecting items that only become visible once they are in her hands. He watches her for any sign of physical injury in her movement but sees none even as she kneels to bring the igniter to the wood and the fire blazes to life. She sits and stares into the flames for a moment before pulling a blanket around her bare shoulders. Her eyes glance up to him and she reaches out, her fingers laying onto a nearby stool that materializes before him.

"Can you see it?" she asks. He doesn't answer, and instead touches the other end of the item, surprised to find it solid under his hand even after she withdraws. His fingertips slide over the top of it in amazement. He had heard of Force Bonds in his studies at the temple, a linking of two minds and Force energies. Never had it been described as anything like this, a connection that allowed them to exist in two places at once without any effort or control on their part.

Something else, indeed.

He sits, feeling a bit ridiculous as he folds himself onto the small stool. She was still looking into the fire, her face in profile, and hair down, damp strands skimming past her shoulders. He finds she looks different in a way he can't quite name.

"I believe you about that night," she starts, her fingers pulling the blanket more tightly around herself and an unexpected relief washes over him. He hadn't known until that moment how much he needed her to believe him. "But if that's true, I don't know what to think anymore. What is the light, what is the dark, who is right, who is wrong..." Her voice trails off and she breathes in shakily. "I followed the call of the Dark Side here. It pulled me into the water, but for some reason it didn't drown me." Her eyes flick over to him. "I can't swim," she confesses, a hint of embarrassment in her voice.

"Not many opportunities on a desert planet, I'm sure," he murmurs in response.

The corner of her mouth tilts up the slightest amount and she forges on. "I found myself in this cavern with nothing but myself reflected back at me over and over again. I should have felt trapped or panicked but I didn't. This didn't go on forever. I knew it was leading somewhere and at the end it would show me what I came to see." Her lower lip trembles before she puls it into her mouth, her head shaking as if disgusted with herself. "I thought I'd find answers here. I was wrong. I've never felt so alone."

"You're not alone."

It feels like a promise and he means it. It frightens him how much he means it. But it is worth it when she looks at him, her features softening and eyes warm.

"Neither are you. It isn't too late."

That dark, possessive thing inside him unfurls as he watches her hand reach for him, spreading into something that makes him breathless and jittery. He wants desperately to touch her, feel her skin underneath his fingertips, and she looks like she wants him to. His mouth goes dry and he is suddenly reminded of his inexperience with women, small, useless anxieties he hasn't cared about in over a decade swimming to the surface. He pulls his glove off and stretches his hand toward her, noticing how small she really is compared to him. Their battle in the forest rushes to his mind, his memory of how she held her own against his blows. She really is a marvel.

Her touch feels electric as they connect across the galaxy and he swears he hears the Force sigh just before it shows him.

The desert of Jakku stretches out endless in his vision, a child with a familiar hairstyle's wails becoming fainter and fainter as he watches the staggering man count his money.

_Her father._

He doesn't even turn around as he boards the ship. It is not capable of space travel but can take him from outpost to outpost and haul his gear. He's needed more and more scrap to feed his habits and the girl is just a burden without the mother around to manage her.

The scene vanishes like a mirage on the horizon and its just more desert, the ship broken and charred, half buried in the blowing sands..

It is over in an instant, leaving just her and him, and the warmth of the fire on his skin. He's a moment from sliding his fingers further up her palm in a sudden, wild urge to feel the soft skin of her wrist when he's ripped away and thrust violently back into the solitary of his room.

He is shaking in equal combination of rage and fear.

"Skywalker."


	8. Chapter 8

For a full day his mind imagines several scenarios in which Skywalker harmed her but he pushes them away as unhelpful and useless. He would know if she had been killed, he's certain.

He feels like a caged animal, energy barely contained within his skin as he fights the instinct to find her... he would have left already except he has no idea what planet she is on. He tries again to trigger their connection, and once failing, pulls up the incomplete map of Luke's location, a representation of space beyond the Outer Rim.

Breathable air. Salt water, likely an ocean. Relatively ambient temperatures. Uninhabited despite these things.

He enters those facts, a list of potential planets populating on the screen and he frowns when none are familiar. Some are listed simply because they are unexplored, any further details about them unknown. There may even be other possibilities not even noted. It could take months... years, even. His fingers clench in his palm. Perhaps the Supreme leader will approve of him trying to apprehend her, especially if he can promise the death of Skywalker. He can worry about what he will actually do when he finds her later.

_Kylo Ren._

Snoke thunders into his brain and he stiffens, awaiting the excruciating punishment for his insubordination.

_The scavenger approaches. You will bring her to me._

Dread pierces his gut as Snoke withdraws with no further instruction. It must be a lie. She is a creature of survival... she couldn't be that foolish.

Unless, she has turned. Perhaps her confrontation with Skywalker had done it. She is like him, after all.

His comm buzzes.

"Sir, a small craft is asking for clearance. The Supreme Leader instructed us to notify you immediately."

His heart starts to race as the first brushes of her signature in the Force reach him.

"Sir?" asks the grunt on the end of the line when he doesn't respond.

He straightens and attaches his light saber to his belt. "Hold the ship in the docking bay until I arrive."

She has sent herself in a kriffing coffin.

The the condensation from the depressurization of her craft clears, allowing him his first look at her. Her eyes are open and kind, hope practically spilling out of them and he feels ill.

She has not turned.

Anger flares within him and he tries to tamp it down, box it in to the far corner of his mind. He must hide everything from Snoke, even the parts he doesn't understand himself yet. Unless he navigates this very, very carefully, Snoke will kill her.

Rey presses her consciousness against the riot in him, so different from his usual brand of white hot rage, but just as terrible. It is fragile and edged with panic.

He did not know to how do this and keep them both alive, she realizes.

He runs numerous scenarios through his head, gripping onto one, dismissing the next, flipping through another to find an answer. He's so preoccupied, he doesn't hear her speaking to him.

"Ben."

He hears her then, the name reverberating around in his head as he looks at her. He doesn't hate it when she says it... especially not when she says it like that. She is moving toward him, eyes fixed on his.

"When we touched hands, I saw your future. Just the shape of it but solid and clear. You will not bow before Snoke. You'll turn." She is so close to him now, her boots nearly touching his. Her eyes flick to his lips and he can't help but mirror their movement. "I'll help you. I saw it," she whispers.

He swallows, warmth spreading in his chest, affection and sadness mixing with the possessiveness he feels for her. She doesn't understand the futility of what she is asking. It is too late for him... for them both. If only she had not come. It wasn't time.

She came here for you, whispers the light.

"I saw something too. Because of what I saw, I know that when the moment comes, you'll be the one to turn." He has to make her see. Only together can they weather this."You'll stand with me. Rey, I saw who your parents are."

Her eyes widen with shock as the lift stops and she steps away, looking across the long throne room. He grabs her roughly to move her forward. Every decision, every show from here out matters.

"Well done, my good and faithful apprentice. My faith in you is restored," croons Snoke from his seat.

He kneels, his head bowed as he walls his thoughts off as best he can.

"Young Rey, welcome."

He hears the click of her restraints falling to the floor.

"Come closer child." She takes a few halting steps... just enough to appease while still keeping her distance. "So much strength. Darkness rises and light to meet it," he murmurs before raising his voice again. "I warned my young apprentice that as he grew stronger, his equal in the light would rise."

He looks up as Snoke pulls his grandfather's light saber from where he had secured it to his belt and rests it on the arm of the throne.

"Skywalker, I assumed, wrongly. Closer, I said." He hears the slide of her shoes along the floor as Snoke drags her to him.

"You underestimate Skywalker, and Ben Solo, and me. It will be your downfall."

 ** _Be quiet,_** he wants to scream at her and Rey feels that fragile thing in him twist.

"Oh, have you seen something? A weakness in my apprentice? Is that why you came? Young fool. It was I who bridged your minds."

Snoke's words wash over him, wiping his thoughts blank and making his body chill with sudden realization.

No. It can't be. The thought of Snoke creating this thing that he holds precious...

"I stoked Ren's conflicted soul. I knew he was not strong enough to hide it from you and you were not wise enough to resist the bait."

The past six years of his life swirl in his head. The pain, the torture, and mind games all sold to him as a means to make him stronger, to bludgeon the uncertainty out of him. But this served no other purpose than Snoke's own impatience to have her dealt with.

He had given the order everything... his faith, his body, his loyalty, his father... And now they wanted Rey.

Snoke laughs and he knows it is at both of their expense. "And now you will give me Skywalker. Then I will kill you with the cruelest stroke."

"No," she grits out.

"Yes," he hisses back at her, his hand flicking up at his side and her body lifts in the air. "Give me everything."

He looks, he has to, as her body shakes with pain, a scream tearing free of her throat. It pierces something in him and the fragile thing starts to settle and solidify within his chest. Snoke laughs again as he drops Rey and Ben has to repress the snarl that wants to escape his lips.

"I did not expect Skywalker to be so wise. We will give him and the Jedi order the death he desires. After the rebels are gone, we will go to the planet and obliterate the entire island."

He watches Rey lift herself to her feet again. She won't give up, he knows. There is only one way this can end for her unless he intervenes. He dodges the light saber that whips past his head with practiced ease and it strikes her from behind.

"Such spunk," sneers Snoke as he activates the projection glass, the image filling with multiple slow moving transport ships. "Look here now. The entire Resistance on those transports. Soon, they will all be gone. For you, all is lost."

There is a visceral growl of rage from Rey as she calls  _his_  light saber to her, igniting it in her hands and the guards rise to action.

"Oh, still that fiery spit of hope. You have the spirit of a true Jedi."

She charges at him and he lazily throws her back down, the saber flying from her hand to skid at Ben's knee. He watches it rotate slowly in front of him, inspiration starting to burn around that solid weight in his chest.

"And because of that, you must die."

Snoke vulgarly presents her to him on her knees and his intent is clear. Of course he would want him to kill her, a last jab of cruelty for the one she came to save to be the one to end her life. He ignores her pleading eyes, the mental task of concealing his true intentions from Snoke far too important to risk for sentiment. It is easier than he anticipated, the emotions all being real, only having to push his focus from his actual target.

"My worthy apprentice, son of darkness, heir apparent to Lord Vader. Where there was conflict, I now sense resolve. Where there was weakness, now strength. Complete your training and fulfill your destiny."

He shifts his saber to his right hand.

"I know what I have to do."

"Ben," she breathes out and he can see the uncertainty in her eyes. Good. It means he is convincing. He moves his hands in sync, the right twisting his saber hilt while the left rotates at his side. His eyes never leave hers. If this fails and they die, he wants to remember every detail of her face.

"You think you can turn him, pathetic child. I cannot be betrayed. I cannot be beaten. I see his mind. I see his every intent. Yes. I see him turning the light saber to strike through and now, foolish child, he ignites it, and kills his true enemy!"

Several things happen as he pushes with the Force and the blade flares to life into Snoke's gut. His master's face contorts in disbelieving shock as the life drains out of it, and Rey collapses at his feet. He feels part of his mind relax, like shackles falling away, and its as if he can breathe, like he can think for the first time in his life.

But it is not over yet, the guards starting to move to surround them and he pulls the blade with a flick of his fingers, taking no small amount of satisfaction when Snoke's torso smacks undignified to the ground. She catches the hilt in her hand, just as he intended.

And finally, for the first time ever, he is not alone.

They spin in unison and it is as if an extension of his soul has attached itself to her, pulling what it can of his training with it to help her. They repel the first wave but the second hems them in more tightly and he feels her hand on his thigh.

**_She needs you._ **

He slashes down and it serves the dual function of driving his attackers back and giving her leverage. Her kick won't be enough for all of them and he uses his sword hand to direct a force push backwards that gives her room to go on the offense. Despite their efforts, the guards manage to separate them.

Rey watches through his eyes, amazed at the methodical way he cuts through the guards and is almost amused when his elegant training goes temporarily wayside for elbows to the face and kicks to the shin, reminiscent of a few dirty brawls she'd witnessed.

Han Solo's son, indeed.

Her own shout of rage reaches her and she inhales sharply as she watches herself bare her teeth and rush her enemy. She is fighting like he had that night in the forest, wild and with rage backing her strikes.

He blocks the vibroblade of one guard and uses the momentum to stop another, spinning his cross guard to resist as they drive him back. Able to cast them off, he buries his blade to the hilt in one's chest and quickly discards the body and stares down his light saber, ready to defend against the three guards that have flanked him when Rey crosses into his vision. She's battling the First of the guard when he cuts her across the right arm.

Fear rockets through him, but he reigns it back, pulling on the Force to guide his next movements. They need to end this quickly before one of them gets hurt. He spins, deflecting the guards' strikes in a flurry of movement and he catches one across the throat as he strips the next of his own weapon before delivering the killing blow. His final adversary slashes at him so closely he has to abandon his weapon. The next swing nearly takes his legs out but he catches the third just before it is being pressed against his throat.

Rey grunts and he sees the vibrobeam dangerously close to her face, the sight causing him to struggle harder. The guard and he are at a stalemate, neither being able to over power the other.

"Ben!"

She is alone now, her previous guard no where to be seen, and she throws him her weapon. It flies into his waiting grip and a tenth of a second later, it is over, the body falling to the ground behind him. The edge of his psyche feels raw and jagged, the calm of battle leaving him as he starts to move, walking past his own light saber to stare at Snoke's body on the ground. And finally, he understands.

This was why the Force sent her to him. They were meant to tear it all down and rebuild something new. Their suffering, their betrayals, their trials and sacrifices... it all had purpose, their penance to pay for their right to this moment. It is their destiny. Together.

"Ben?"

"It's time to let old things die. Snoke, Skywalker, the Sith, the Jedi, the Rebels... Let it all die." He turns. She hasn't moved, her posture rigid as she watches him carefully. A frisson of fearful, anxious hope surges through him and he has to take a second to center himself before he reaches for her. "Rey, I want you to join me. We can rule together and bring a new order to the galaxy." His eyes plead with her to understand what he is asking.

**_I want you. I need you._ **

His heart drops when her face falls, tears building in her eyes.

"Don't do this, Ben. Please don't go this way."

He has to make her see. He knows he can make her understand if she would just stay...

"No, No! You're still holding on. Let go!"

He doesn't care how desperate he sounds. Let her see. He has nothing left to hide, not from her. He will just have to pry her fingers from this identity she built for herself in her isolation on Jakku. "Do you want to know the truth about your parents, or have you always known? You've just hidden it away… You know the truth. Say it. Say it."

He hates himself as the tears start to run down her face. But he is so close, so close to a future of his own making for once...

"They were nobody," she admits.

"They were filthy junk traders who sold you off for drinking money. They are dead in a pauper's grave in the Jakku desert. You have no place in this story. You come from nothing. You're nothing."

**_This is how the universe has treated you. How it has treated us. Let it all burn._ **

He swallows, his face softening as it shakes slowly.

"But not to me."

**_To me, you are everything._ **

He will spend the rest of his life proving to her she is so much more than her past if she will just let him.

"Join me." He steps closer. "Please."

Her hand moves and for one second, one blissful second, something actually feels right in Ben Solo's life before it all starts to collapse around him. They struggle over his grandfather's saber, and he thinks if he can just hold on, he can still salvage this. But she is as strong as he is and their feet start to lose traction as Anakin Skywalker's crystal explodes.

His world goes black.


	9. Chapter 9

**_Rey._ **

It's his first thought upon waking as he pushes himself to his feet, rattling off lies to Hux as his mind spins out, knowing the shrewd man doesn't believe him.

"She took Snoke's escape craft."

She's gone. She's left him. Just like everyone else.

Snoke had bridged their minds. That was the only explanation.

Out of habit, his fingers brush against the hilt of his saber to confirm its location

He had offered her everything. He'd offered himself.

Discarded.

Abandoned.

Alone.

Again and again and again...

Rey winces against the pain that roars through his chest as it is burned away to white hot fury. His thoughts are unstable, bleeding, and ever-changing as the blade of his saber. He wants to find her, shake her, collapse at her feet, rail at her, or beg her to stay... he can't decide from one second to the next.

"We know where she is going. Get all of our forces down to that Resistance base. Let's finish this," he manages to say, moving to leave the room.

"Finish this? Who do you think you are talking to?" The General sputters in disbelief as he straightens his spine. "You presume to command my army, our supreme leader is dead, we have no ruler-" he hears Hux's voice worm through the fog of his brain and he is grateful for a target, spinning on his heel.

"The Supreme Leader is dead," he grinds out, fury twisting his features as he clamps the Force around the man's trachea.

"Long live the Supreme Leader," Hux wheezes out around the invisible fist at his throat and Ren lets him go. He needs the General... for now.

Rey tries to pull out of his head, not wanting to experience the hurt, the pain, and the rage that are all feeding the Dark Side into a perpetually rising tide within him. But she can't. And though she doesn't know how she could have acted differently and he alone can control his emotions, she can't help but feel responsible. If only he had come with her, if only he had not...

She closed her eyes in frustration, feeling her own tears forming under distant lids. He wasn't the only one hurt by this. What had they done to each other?

They are in the body of an AT-AT, the white salt of Crait painful to look directly at in the gleaming sunlight. He is trying not to think of her or where she could be though he feels her nearby in the Force. All he has left is his Grandfather's legacy. He will call back the Knights as soon as they are done here. They will finish it.

"Thirteen incoming light craft," announces the gunner.

"No, the Resistance is in that mine, push through," he instructs, the canon starting to break down the blast doors. He doesn't even look at the broken down speeders that explode, one after the other, in their desperate last stand. He almost admires the amount of spite required for such an action.

But just as he thinks he's succeeded reigning his wildly fluctuating emotions in, a silhouette streaks across the sky and sends him unraveling.

"Blow that piece of junk out of the sky!" he screams and Rey swallows hard. She watches the Falcon evade the Order, her eyes catching glimpses of the gunner seat that holds her. He doesn't know she was there. Would that have changed his order? She is unsure.

The dog fight is brief, the surviving speeders scattering as the canon blows a hole into the mine.

"No quarter. no prisoners," he says, wrapping himself in dark purpose. If they want a monster, he will give them one.

The Light within him paradoxically burns brighter, and it hurts. Leia is there. Maybe even Rey-

His thought is cut off as a familiar figure steps out of the compromised structure below. His blood runs cold.

"Stop! I want every gun we have to fire on that man! Do it!"

For all his size and darkness, he looks like a little boy in that moment to Rey, petulant and lashing out against monsters in his past. The blast area is so concentrated, she swears she can feel the heat.

"More," he commands as he stares down at one more family member that threw him away. Just one of the many.

"That's enough!" interjects Hux, appalled at the waste of resources for just one man. "Do you think you got him?" he asks as the smoke starts to clear.

His teeth clench as Skywalker stands in the center, unharmed and untouched.

"Bring me down to him. Keep the door covered, and don't advance until I say."

"Don't get distracted from our goal-"

Hux's disapproval is cut off as he slams him into the bulkhead but it does nothing to quell the shaking in his hands and he reflexively clenches them into fists.

Six years.

He meets his uncle on the field and despises the openness on his face. He has no right.

"Did you come back to forgive me, to save my soul?" he bites out.

"No," replies his Uncle. "I failed you Ben. I'm sorry."

He dares to apologize after everything that has happened and the last of the Resistance is in his sights. How convenient. Skywalker expects it to mean something? For him to care?

"I'm sure you are! The Resistance is dead, the war is over, and when I kill you, I will have killed the last Jedi."

"Amazing. Every word of what you said was wrong. The rebellion is reborn today, the war is just beginning, and I will not be the last Jedi."

The Light flares and he tries to smother it. The Dark is all that is left to him. It is the only way forward.

"I'll destroy her, and you, and all of it."

"No," Skywalker replies and he wants nothing more than to cleave his head from his shoulders. "Strike me down in anger and I'll always be with you, like your father."

His swing is decidedly clumsy with wrath but it strikes true all the same... and meets no resistance. He pauses, sickening realization dawning over him and he presses the tip of his saber into- and through- the doppelganger. He is not here. He never was.

**_The effort would kill you._ **

"No," whispers Ben.

"See you around, kid."

Skywalker fades from his vision to die on whatever forsaken planet he's taken refuge on. It was a ruse to give the Resistance time to escape. Luke sacrificed himself to the cause, to save Leia, to thwart the Order...

And to see you once more, says the Light.

He expected relief so potent at Skywalker's demise it would dwarf the freedom he felt at Snoke's end. Impossibly, he feels worse.

He orders the soldiers to halt outside the room as he spots a golden gleam in the minimal light.

Han's dice.

He had last seen them on Yavin 4, left behind with everything else of his old life, save his light saber and the clothes on his back.

The Force shifts around him.

No, it can't be. Snoke is dead.

The molten anger in him cools when he sees her. He doesn't hate her. He never has. And he knows now he never will. The utter disappointment on her face makes him feel as if part of him is cracking open.

It was real.

He has everything he thought he'd ever want... control of the First Order, Snoke and Skywalker dead, the Resistance decimated. It should be his greatest triumph and yet it feels hollow, empty.

He wants to go to her but he is rooted on the spot, his sins too great, his path too entrenched. There is no way back now, if there ever was.

She closes the door and the dice vanish from his fingers.

Everything he touches turns to ash and he is grateful she left before he could do the same to her.

The Light blazes.

* * *

She must have fallen in her trance because he is leaning over her when she wakes, one large hand cushioning her head against the floor as he kneels beside her. Her senses are overwhelmed and she can't speak, her mind too full, her thoughts too scattered. She feels momentarily panicked as she can't tell which parts are him and which are her anymore. She has lived a lifetime since entering this room.

"It will get clearer," he said softly. "You will feel more like yourself soon but you will wonder, on occasion, if a thought or a memory came from yourself or me."

"This... this is why you tried to shut me out," she gasped, her brain still having difficulty forming words and limbs heavy. She swallowed against the dryness in her throat as her eyes found his. "Ben... I didn't want to leave you."

He gave a barely perceptible nod and his free hand lifted, hovering just over her cheek but he did not touch her. "You showed me." He swallowed, his hand falling back to his leg. "I know what I have to do, Rey."

The connection closed, her head falling lightly to the floor of the Trident as he disappeared and fear gripped her heart. Every time she heard him say those words, her world would spin off axis, completely altered and never to be the same. She reached out with her mind, trying to pull him back to her but his only response was a tremulous thought, unformed before he pulled away.


	10. Chapter 10

She ignored TwoBee's concerned hovering as she continued to lay on the floor, her arm and cheek slowly imprinting with the grating of the metal. Had she revealed that much when she invaded him with the bond? Had he been a passenger in her head and privy to all her inner most thoughts?

Yes, she knew, he had.

She felt open and bare, awed that he would do the same and offer himself so there would be no misunderstanding.

Kylo Ren. The Jedi Killer. The Fallen One. Ben Solo.

He now knew how badly she wanted to take his hand, knew her heartbreak when she reached for her saber, unsure if he would let her leave without a fight. He had seen how, upon waking first, she had crawled to his side, checked him for injuries, and held his face in her hands as she tried to wake him. He would have watched her futile efforts to drag him to the escape pod with her, heard her frustrated cursing until she could sense Hux approaching, and her last desperate tug before she called his saber to her and clipped it on his belt.

He knew he had been familiar to her at first sight, masked and hooded, the dark thing that had always stalked her dreams.

And she, his phantom.

He was right. This was not Snoke. The Force had brought them together long before Takodana.

"There will be no untangling this," she murmured to herself as she rolled to her back, rubbing at the red marks on her face. She reached out again but her efforts still crashed against the fortified wall of his mind. It felt wrong, in a way, to have him so distant after what had just happened and she wondered if he felt it too.

She tried repeatedly to contact him in the subsequent days, a steady push from her mind to his but he blocked her, her only reassurance being he felt calmer, no longer like a wire about to snap. Still, it unnerved her... if only he would speak to her.

Even with the constant twitterings of the droids, the Trident was starting to feel stark and empty, just a tube of metal machinery traversing space. She used to be able to do 'alone' so well. She supposed that was before she had real people to miss, ones with actual faces instead of a shadow family who left her with nothing but rags for clothes and three loops of twine for her hair.

She kicked hard at a table stand, causing an indignant squeal to erupt from TwoBee. His face had been clear in Ben's vision, though weathered such that his age was hard to tell, teeth broken, and his eyes glassy from drink. Her father, with her nose and lean frame, had not even looked back after selling her, instead preferring to count his money from the deal. Thrice more she kicked until the Force backed her effort, ripping the bolts from the floor and the table thud back down at an awkward angle. A heavy sigh escaped her as the anger evaporated, leaving only an intense feeling of foolishness behind. All those years of wasted hope.

_Not wasted. It kept you alive._

Her back stiffened at the thought, certain it had come from Ben but his walls were still in place when she pressed against them to test.

_"You will wonder, on occasion, if a thought or a memory came from yourself or me."_

"No kidding," she scoffed and reached for a text to better direct her restless energy and folded herself on the bench as she started to read. Her first choice, a weathered tome bound in brown leather, recounted the history of the Jedi starting with their origins on Tython and the offshoot of the first Dark siders.

"Always fighting," she sighed as she read through the account of their struggle for power and set it aside in frustration. She reached for another, her hand passing over the spines until she came to one, newer, covered in white with embossed gold.

She flipped through the pages, her eyes skimming for her desired topic until she saw it, her palm spreading over the text.

_"The Force is a mountain rising from the water – the dark side is the submerged underbelly. If you choose to explore, you will be lost in the caverns below and left to drown. Passion lines the path to the dark side and must be avoided. Fear, anger, and hate all will cause one to lose focus and to find appeal in the easy pleasures of the dark side._

_Love is equally dangerous. The Jedi must serve all, not a select few. Those who obsess over a parent, child, or lover devote all their energies toward the special object of their focus. Should the urge to contact your birth families or form romantic attachments emerge, you must seek the guidance of a Master. Attachments will only allow you to lose sight of your path and are cause for expulsion from the Order._

_Jedi must always turn away from the dark passions within themselves."_

Rey couldn't help the curl in her upper lip that appeared as she read.

Yes, she mused, cutting Ben Solo off from those he loved and teaching him to suppress his feelings worked out spectacularly. No wonder the Jedi were always at war. They developed a full proof method of perpetually creating their own enemies. She closed the book in disgust, pushing herself away from the table.

Fear could be problematic but it also served a purpose. Fear had driven her to listen to her instincts to survive the harsh desert of Jakku. And anger... well, she had reached for that when there had been nothing left, it too saving her. It had kept her on her feet after a beating from an older scavenger, allowing her to deal a blow that made the bastard steer clear of her in the future. It had enabled her to push into Kylo Ren's mind and drive him away at their first duel.

And love...

Love of family, imagined as it had been, had kept her from just laying down to die in her loneliness. Love of a friend, bright and new, had driven her to save Finn on Starkiller Base. Love had moved Chewbacca's aim, allowing Ben to live.

Love could be dark and possessive, a force capable of breaking people, but it was also loyalty, compassion, and care, a never ending source of strength when nurtured properly.

The answer was far more nuanced than "don't love."

As if people were capable of choosing who they loved.

Ben's face swam up before her mind's eye, a dark broken prince with his crimes too numerous to list.

She swallowed thickly, pushing away from the table to distract herself from that line of thought and busied herself with the tedious job of repairing the power cell. After so many days drifting in space, the walls of the Trident were starting to close in on her. She needed to anchor down to some real earth soon, let a sun warm her skin, and breathe in non-recycled air. Her eyes drooped as she continued to tinker, not wanting to be alone with her thoughts, instead preferring to keep her mind fogged with exhaustion.

She had nodded off a few times but it wasn't until she burned her forearm with the soldering iron that she finally gave it up and stumbled to her bunk. She was nearly unconscious when her heart started to race and phantom pain bloomed across her face and back, driving her from her bed to collapse onto the floor. Her breath came in fast deep pants, her lungs seeming to move to their own rhythm out of her control.

It was him. His heartbeat, his breathing, his adrenaline.

Something was wrong.

His walls were still in place but fissures and cracks were erupting as fast as he could shore them up.

She could faintly hear the explosions of blaster fire and the distinctive hiss of saber beams connecting. More pain, this time across her shin, and she felt his rage spurn the dark side in him, whipping out in a violent lash before settling in a flowing current. For a long few minutes her body felt like she was running for her life, the rush of blood in her ears, and a pulse pounding in her neck. She wanted to push into his mind but she could still feel him straining against her and she withdrew, not wanting to distract him.

 _Bring me to him,_ she pleaded with the Force, wishing she had control over that aspect of the bond, but as she remained tangled in her blankets hyperventilating on a cold metal floor, it seemed he was to do this on his own. It went on forever, the staccato pounding in her chest, the billowing of lungs that felt too big to be her own until finally the ragged nature of his walls smoothed and solidified, his presence once again shrinking to just a faint thrum.

She pulled herself up and sat on the edge of the bunk, breathing tightly through pursed lips to slow her heart rate. Her eyes slid closed as she felt the wall between them thin, his consciousness brushing against hers, as gentle and fleeting as when their fingers touched.

An acknowledgement. A reassurance.

Her next breath shuddered through her chest as she laid back down on her meager mattress.

It was many hours before she found sleep again, but when she did, she dreamed of spin-barrels blooming under a Jakku night sky.

* * *

"Rey, you haven't seen...  _him_... have you?"

"No, no I haven't," She shook her head. "Why?" she added apprehensively as her fingers drummed next to the hologram emitter.

Finn scratched his head and frowned. "There are rumors of unrest in the upper ranks of the First Order and while the official party line is that Supreme Leader Ren is still in charge, our sources report he hasn't been seen in a few standard weeks. We were hoping you'd be able to clarify."

Rey was already shaking her head before he could finish. "General Hux would jump at an opportunity to seize control. If Ren was gone, he'd make sure everyone knew he was in charge."

"While that is definitely true about Hux, the Order has had a lot of shake ups lately. Another change in leadership so soon could rock the confidence of the systems that support them. More then power hungry, Hux is practical. He may be calling the shots for now and biding his time."

Rey sat back in her chair, her thumbnail between her teeth in contemplation. "Our link, it hasn't brought us together since General Organa. When I saw him last, he seemed... resigned. Just said that he knew what he had to do."

"Any idea what he meant?"

Rey huffed. "He's so mercurial, I can never be completely sure but it felt..." she paused, remembering how he looked at her, his hand lifted as if he was about to caress her cheek and her sleepless night where she felt his heart race behind her own ribs. "Finn..." she said, feeling stupid it hadn't occurred to her yet. "I think he may have abandoned the Order."

Finn rubbed his face and nodded, releasing a huge sigh. "Okay," he muttered, his hands going to his hips. "But why?"

Rey pulled her lip between her teeth and shrugged, her eyes staying cast to the floor. Finn frowned, his eyes passing over her and he looked as if he wanted to say something before he shook his head.

"So if Ren is no longer with the First Order, does that mean you can come home?"

Rey smiled and nodded, warmth spreading in her chest at the thought of finally seeing her friends. "As soon as I am certain, I can come for a bit."

A huge smile broke over his face and he excitedly punched the data pad in front of him. "These are the current rendezvous coordinates in the system. Ping me once you're there and we'll get you."

Rey saved the information to view later and returned Finn's smile. A timer started to flash, their signal to end their transmission to reduce the risk of interception. He sighed and shrugged apologetically.

"It's okay, I'll talk to you soon."

"You better."

Her smile fell as Finn faded away, concern for Ben quickly occupying her mind. Their bond still hadn't connected them, not since she went to him the night Leia died. It had never been this long between times before and she was starting to worry that maybe that had been the end. Perhaps it's only purpose was to help him leave the Order, and now that had been achieved, it was over.

Her heart clenched at the thought.

"I don't want it to go," she whispered to herself, eyes watering at the way her small voice echoed in the empty space. She stood, moving to her pile of discarded saber pieces. That had always been a key to fighting the isolation... busy hands, busy mind... but then the Force shifted, as if taking pity on her and the loose pieces clattered from her hand onto the table.

She blinked and he was there, seated on the ground, his head bowed causing his damp hair to fall forward. His elbows rested on knees as his bare shoulders rose and fell with labored breaths. Splatters of mud reached up from his pant legs to his sleeveless shirt and forearms, clumps of it clinging to the sides of his boots.

"Ben!" she cried out and started to move toward him, certain he was hurt but froze as his head snapped up. His face was still pale but less sallow, the dark crescents under his eyes now just faint shadows.

He is not injured, she realized. This was just fatigue from physical exertion.

He looked uneasy, his eyes flicking off to his left before returning to her until they narrowed.

"Why are you crying?" he asked exactly as she spoke, "Where have you been?"

They both frowned at one another and Rey folded her arms across her chest shooting her best 'you first' glare down at him. He clenched his jaw, biting the inside of his cheek. "I left the Order."

She may have suspected it, but hearing it was another thing entirely, her arms falling to her sides and her heart jumping into her throat.

"But... but you didn't go to the Resistance."

He sighed heavily, his head dropping back down. "There's no place for me there," he said, before lifting his head again and fixing her pointedly with a look. "There will never be a place for me there, Rey."

"But, you're-"

"I have my unfinished business with the Order but it won't be from the side of the Resistance. Beyond that, I don't have any answers for you." He paused, his expression softening slightly. "Not yet, anyway."

She had no response to that, and instead just nodded lamely.

"Well... Are you alright?" she asked gesturing to the yellowed bruises on his temple and the caked mud on his pants.

He seemed to consider her question for a moment. "I am," he replied simply, his eyes again darting over to his left and Rey felt she could almost hear the ghost of a chuckle, light with a gentle mirth.

"Is there someone there with you?" she asked and pressed against the wall in his mind for an answer and he pushed back harder, his jaw rolling before he gave an annoyed glare to the unseen figure.

"Who is there?" she asked, moving around as if to get a clearer line of sight.

"Rey..." he sighed, rising to his feet to step in front of her and she halted, his broad figure suddenly encompassing her entire view. His hands were lifted as if to rest them on her shoulders before he thought better of it and let them fall back to his side and she watched distractedly as his Adam's apple bobbed.

"My whole life I've had a voice in my head, whispering to me, pushing me..." he said, his voice low in that tone she felt was only ever meant for her.

She nodded, recalling his memories. "I saw."

"I thought it was Darth Vader, my Grandfather leading me in his footsteps," he scoffed and shook his head. "But it was Snoke. It was always Snoke." He swallowed and looked at her, his expression almost apologetic. "Its never been just me in here. I need to be alone in my head for awhile and keeping you out is exhausting."

She looked at her shoes, chagrined and feeling guilty. "I can do that," she murmured, already pulling back from his mind until he was no more then a glowing point in the back of hers. His shoulders relaxed and he stepped back.

"Thank you."

He turned away from her and she felt compelled to ask him something, unsure of when she would see him again.

"You will call on me, if you want me?" she asked in a rush and he froze, his posture going rigid. "Need me, I mean," she corrected, her face heating up. He looked at her over his shoulder and his chin dropped in a single nod.

"Will you?" he asked, the simple words feeling heavy to Rey's ears and for one wild second, she thought he was asking if she needed him until she realized he was offering to come to her aid should the situation arise.

"Yes," she replied, turning her head as she swept a lock of hair behind her ear.. She was suddenly far too aware of the way the muscles of his back moved beneath his shirt, their paths twining down his arms in sinewy patterns.

She swore she heard the ghost laugh again as the connection shuttered closed.


	11. Chapter 11

The Trident blended in well with the bustle of ships in and out of Enarc, the perfect place to get lost in at the tail end of one of the Corellian trade routes, but all Rey could see were prying eyes and potential First Order informants. She pulled her scarf more firmly around her face, her other fingers drumming against her staff as she surveyed the crowd.

And then she felt him in the force, like warm sunshine against her skin.

She couldn't help the smile that broke out from behind her scarf as she followed his signature through the crowd until she found him, face hidden behind a respirator and the cane he leaned heavily against peaking from under his cloak. She shouldered into him before spinning her quarterstaff to halt just in front of his face.

"Watch it," she growled in feigned menace before moving on, knowing he would wait then follow her. Taking a winding path back to the Trident, she left the loading ramp down and positioned herself at the top of it, pulling the scarf past her chin. Several long minutes later, the cloaked figure limped up the ramp, his cane occasionally slipping on the worn metal surface until he met her in the belly of the Trident.

His eyes crinkled around the edges of his respirator before his hand reached up to pluck it from his face. The other shot out to toss the cane before he lifted and spun her in a tight hug. She tucked her chin into the curve of his neck, reveling in the simple, innocent joy of this reunion with her first friend and sent out a silent plea to the Force to always let them have this, no matter what the future held.

Finn set her back on her feet, giving her a once over.

"You look well."

"You sound surprised."

His eyes widened in mild horror. "What? No! I just worry about you on your own. I know you can take care of yourself, its just..." he sighed, giving her a small shrug, "well, I worry."

She couldn't find any words to respond at the moment, touched by his concern. After so many years of no one caring whether she lived or died beyond how much it would inconvenience them, Finn's friendship was still a marvel to her at times.

His hand squeezed her shoulder before he moved to the cockpit. "We should go. Less time here, less likely we'll be discovered."

She hit the close button to the ramp before following him out and Finn entered their coordinates into the console.

"Rori?" she asked, eyebrow raising at the output.

He nodded. "It's one of the moons of Naboo. Mostly forested swamps, pretty overgrown and has failed a few attempts of colonization so it is mostly uninhabited. We have a small base there, hidden in the terrain."

"Why so close to a First Order controlled world?"

Finn shrugged as the ship started to lift from the ground. "They expect us to stay near the Outer Rim so we're hiding right under their noses."

Rey smirked. "And who's idea was that?"

"Poe's but Leia approved it, before..." His voice trailed off and Rey gave him a moment as she pushed the Trident into FTL and set the autopilot. "We've picked up a few people from our scattered outposts but it's not near the amount we had hoped for. Our supplies are low, our benefactors drying up, and we are on the run." He shrugged. "Right now the only thing we have going in our favor is that the First Order also seems to be regrouping, and the Universe is just holding its breath."

Rey's brow furrowed and she turned to look at Finn more completely. "He... the First Order, they haven't tried to shake the Resistance down?"

He regarded her with the same look he had at their last holo conversation. "Not directly, no. Ren visited the core planets after Snoke's death to demonstrate the continued power of the First Order and had the arms dealers of Canto Bight stop production of Resistance craft. There is a bounty on several of our heads but... we don't appear to be actively pursued at this time. Still, it never hurts to be careful." He smiled, his eyes passing over her. "So, how's the Jedi... thing... coming along?"

Rey let out a small snort of a laugh. "Jedi thing?"

He grimaced and gave an apologetic shrug which just made her laugh harder.

"It's going, though I'm not sure it is a discipline that was supposed to be self taught. I nearly killed myself trying a Force technique and fried my first light saber construct." She jutted a thumb to the component box on top of her work table.

"And the table?"

Rey winced and scrunched up her nose at him. "I bumped into it?"

He eyed the sheared inch thick bolts and the way the box was sliding precariously to the edge of the before Rey reached out, halting it in place and gently nudging it back to center.

"Right. Well, we got a whole area of derelict ship parts at base. You might be able to find a replacement or at least something to level it out. I'll show you once we get there."

"Thanks, I'd appreciate it."

He seemed to find great interest in his thumb nail at that point. "And Ren? Have you seen him?"

Rey worried her lip between her teeth. It was always difficult to discuss Ben with anyone, the disclosure of even small, innocuous details feeling like a betrayal in some way.

"Just the once, right after I spoke to you."

"Any idea of where he is or what he's up to?"

Her mind supplied all sorts of details... bur instead she replied, "No. Just that he's left the Order. "

The light on her dash blinked just as they exited FTL, the ships autopilot already pulling them toward the moon and Rey was grateful for the distraction. Finn took over the comm to give clearance as she brought them down to dock.

A thick wall of humidity rolled over her as the ramp of the Trident opened and she made a face at Finn, flicking her fingers as if to shake off moisture.

"You get used to it," he replied but was already peeling off his disguise to better tolerate the thickened atmosphere around them. Her docking pod was connected to a central hub by a walkway over still water. She glanced over the edge, surprised to find it only a few feet deep, an occasional creature swimming in its murky depths. The swamp stretched to the very edge of the thick jungle that surrounded them on all sides, the rhythmic beat of insect and animal calls echoing over the water.

"How? By becoming part amphibian?" she muttered as she followed after him. A few people were milling around the docks but they all fell silent and still as she and Finn approached, their eyes all training on her. She recognized one of them from Crait, the young man smiling at her as they made eye contact. Rey smiled at each of the others in turn but it faltered as they just stared, their faces strangely blank and she swore she saw the wrench in one's hand tremble. She leaned toward Finn to ask him what that was about but her vision was completely obscured by over seven feet of thick fur.

"Chewie!" she hissed out from her suddenly compressed lungs but was drowned out by the enthusiastic Shyriiwook vocalizations and trills from a startled Porg on his shoulder.

A soldier approached, giving Rey a wary glance before turning their attention to Finn.

"Sir, there is an issue with some of the RZ interceptor engines."

"I could help with that," offered Rey, her voice muffled behind the mass of fur.

Finn shook his head. "It's a minor thing, we've had this happen once before... our fleet is getting old and even if we had the money, there are no sellers for our side right now. I'm going to check their progress and if it's more than before, I'll let you know." He turned to their friend. "Chewie, if you wouldn't mind showing Rey the yard and her accommodations, I'll catch up with you in a bit."

She watched him go, feeling both sad and proud. "Well, he's certainly embraced his new role."

Chewbacca hummed his confirmation before waving her after him thorugh the compound. She followed, nodding her understanding as he pointed out the notable areas. The base was small, the permanent structures housing the critical functions of the Resistance with a winding labyrinth of outdoor tents serving as housing, hers being on the far Northwest edge.

Chewie lead her to the 'yard', the organized debris containing all the spare equipment. They meandered around the supplies, Rey keeping her eye out for a hilt for her saber, and only halfheartedly considering fixing the table on her ship. Her perusal was interrupted by Chewbacca's low growls.

 _So it is true? He has left the Order?_  he asked her, the subtones of sadness seeping into his speech.

She nodded, finding it easier to talk to him about Ben. "I'm not sure where he has gone but he's realized that Snoke has been in his head since his childhood and he's trying to figure out what he is supposed to do now... at least that was the impression I got when we last spoke."

The Wookie nodded.  _Good. Han... that's all he ever wanted._

"Chewie... do you forgive him? For what he did?" she asked.

_No. Not yet._

"But you will?"

_Depends on him, doesn't it?_

He reached up, gently scratching the Porg snoozing on his shoulder.

_My debt to Han isn't over. Not quite yet._

* * *

The sleep clothes they had given her for her stay were odd, draping with a mostly open back, likely to allow for the fabric to breathe in such a humid climate. Rey was actually grateful for the sonic refresher. She was afraid she'd never feel dry again if her only option was a water bath on this tropical moon. The bedding was interesting as well, a thin fabric stretched between four poles that gave slightly with weight but she found she preferred it to the flattened stuffing of her bunk on the Trident, the raised platform allowing the thick air to at least circulate. Using the Force, she shut off the portable lantern in her tent and climbed onto the bed. The darkness was complete, her vision black and she amused herself for a few moments with her inability to tell the difference between when her eyes were open or close before settling in.

The opening of the bond took her by surprise and she stilled, uncertain of where exactly he was, though through his breathing she could tell he was close. Even without probing at the link between them, she could tell he was in a particularly somber mood, tendrils of his melancholy floating around them.

"Are you alright?" she whispered into the dark from her back, her fingers gently tracing the fabric beneath her. He did not answer for a long moment but she could hear a slight rustle of movement, like hair sliding across fabric.

"Yes," he replied, his voice sounding rough from disuse and Rey can feel her skin prick with sudden awareness of his proximity.  _Kriff_ , it was as if he was right next to her, and she felt a compulsion to keep talking, to do anything to keep her from focusing on his proximity.

"Where are you?"

She could hear him take in a breath and hold it, as if deciding on his answer.

"M-10," he said finally. "Coordinates 1942.44 by -89.52."

Rey blinked into the dark, the location unfamiliar to her. "What's there?"

"Nothing. Just empty space."

"Oh," she responded, her confusion evident in her tone.

"Where are you?" he asked, almost in a rush as if eager for a change in topic.

"Rori."

Her answer had been immediate and seemed to surprise him, almost as if he hadn't expected an answer. He moved again, this time his hand brushing against the one at her side but he pulled it back quickly, a mumbled apology following right behind. Her skin tingled at the contact and she fought the urge to reach out and pull his hand back.

The darkness felt almost stifling as the bond closed, leaving her with a nagging, unclear disappointment.


	12. Chapter 12

_No._  -clink- _No._ -clink- _No._ -clink-

She discarded one piece of scrap after the other, the monotony of her three day search wearing on her. This one too heavy, this one the diameter too small, this one the wrong material. What kind of scavenger was she if she couldn't find something useful in the treasure trove of trash?

The yard was strangely quiet, the tossed pieces echoing loudly as they bounced along the floor. She'd been at this for hours, frustrated her years of scavenging did not seem to be helping her riffle though the extensive collection. Blowing some of the hair that had come loose from her braid out of her face, she climbed down from her pile, careful not to fall. Wiping her grease smeared palms on her pant legs, she stepped forward and froze as her eyes landed on her quarterstaff where she had left it propped against the exit.

It was like she was seeing it for the first time and she summoned it to her, it flying effortlessly into her hand. She held the larger end with the trifin up for her inspection. It had been her prized possession for as long as she could remember, salvaged from a wreck she had been fortunate enough to be the first to come across after a great storm unearthed it. Light with weighted metals ends of Mandalorian iron, she had mucked it up with paint and dirt to hide its value from the keen, greedy eyes of the Nima Outpost.

She felt like a fool for not thinking of it sooner, the perfect hilt for her new light saber. But to use it would mean the destruction of her staff, a thought that pained her far more than she anticipated.

"Rey!"

She looked up from her musings, a smile breaking across her face as she saw Poe walking toward her, his arm already outstretched in greeting. She clasped his hand with both of hers, squeezing it tightly.

"Poe... General Poe, as so I've heard."

He waved his hand dismissively, instead clapping his palm onto her shoulder. "It's good to see you. Sorry I wasn't here when you arrived, I just got planet side. You look well."

"I am."

"Actually, I've got Finn and Rose waiting for us. There's something we wanted to discuss with you."

* * *

She entered the conference room, taking note of the two standard guards at the far end of the room before focusing on Rose and Finn who smiled nervously at her. It was odd to see them here, in the seat of command, though she supposed with so much of the senior leadership gone, many a rapid promotion had occurred in her absence.

She looked at Poe who was working his way around the table, her smile falling to a more unnatural set.

"What is this about?"

He breathed in deeply, his shoulders setting in a firm line.

"If Kylo Ren has really left the Order and their leadership is in chaos, this is an opportunity we should capitalize on. We don't have any other advantages at this point."

She blinked. "What did you have in mind?"

"This connection between you and Ren, can you see into his thoughts? He did it to me when I was captured but I didn't know if it was a proximity thing or what."

Finn cleared his throat. "We want you to get information out of Ren, anything we could use to disrupt the First Order."

Her stomach dropped as she recalled Ben's accusation to her on the way to Ilum.

_"No, you wanted to turn Ben Solo back to the light. A defector that would be a great boon to the flagging Resistance. How they would celebrate you..."_

Her head was already shaking. "I'll share anything he gives willingly but I'm not going to violate his mind."

Rose sighed with frustration. "Rey, this is important."

"I can't. I won't. There would be no faster way to drive him back to the Dark Side."

"Could you do it in a way he wouldn't know?"

Her eyes narrowed. "He would know."

"The First Order has us on the run. We have no resources. Our ships are old. We can barely repair them," said Poe. "This might be our only chance. We have to take it."

"You don't understand what you're asking-"

"Rey-"

"No!" she shouted, her hand slamming down on the table for emphasis, and the legs crumpled under strike. Rey jerked her hand back in surprise and her head snapped up at the sound of safeties clicking off blasters.

"Put that away!" yelled Poe, his hand wrapping around the barrel of the nearest officer's gun. The man's eyes flicked from his general to Rey, uncertainty and fear swimming in their depths before he reluctantly stowed his weapon.

"Leave us," said Poe, jerking his head for the other officer to follow.

Rey waited until they left, their piercing gazes following her the entire time.

"Snoke had been in his head since he was a baby- _a baby_ \- whispering in his ear, manipulating him, feeding him propaganda," she said, her voice quiet but stern. "It would be unforgivable for me to do that to him too."

"This is Kylo Ren. He's in no position to judge anyone for their actions in war."

" _I_  wouldn't forgive me!"

"This is the First Order! They stole children and turned them into slave storm troopers. They used my home world to test their weapons. They killed my sister," said Rose, her voice breaking.

"He was complicit in the genocide of the entire Hosnian system," added Poe.

"He fought that decision. He argued against both Starkiller Base and the order to use it."

"And he still stayed with the First Order."

"Not any longer," she paused taking a deep breath. "His father loved him but was afraid of what he could become. His mother was dedicated to the New Republic and not there when he needed her. He was sent to his uncle when he was deemed too dangerous, his uncle who in a moment of weakness stood over him as he slept, and considered killing him because of Snoke." She paused, her eyes dropping to the floor. "I know he had other choices. I know he still shoulders some responsibility but from his perspective the Resistance took his family away and the Jedi tried to kill him. It at least makes sense that he would do what he did."

"He should face justice, Rey."

"Justice? What about us? Not everyone on Star Killer Base were First Order soldiers. Some were contracted technicians, engineers, custodial staff... we killed them all because they were acceptable casualties for our cause." She brought a finger up to Poe's face. "Your decisions at D'Qar-" she swung her gaze to Rose and Finn "-and your decisions at Canto Bight got nearly all of our people killed. Where is their justice? Where are your consequences?"

"Rey," said Finn, soft and pleading, "What if he's gotten into your head? He's been using the Force forever. He could be manipulating you and you not even know it.",

"He's not-"

"Think about it, please!" he shouted. "He killed his own father while he was unarmed. He attacked us both, nearly killing me. Then you find yourself connected to him and all of a sudden you want to help him, you leave behind Luke Skywalker, you risk your life on the Supremacy for him, and for what? What has he done for you?" She could hear the anger and confusion in Finn's voice. He didn't understand. None of them did. "He left the First Order but he could have been ousted. Or maybe its a trick to get to you, the last of the Jedi, keeping you alive just to help him kill Snoke. You do remember what he did to the others at the Temple? Surely they all didn't try to kill him. He could have just left but he destroyed them all."

"Because they created him!" she shot back. "Do you know what I've found in those books about the precious Jedi? An Order that took young children away, never to let them see their families again. An Order that told them not to love and to put the tenets of their beliefs above all else. An Order that had no patience for a scared child and instead of listening to why he was afraid, told him to bottle it away, though they made no effort to do the same to their own fear when it came to him. "

She took a deep breath.

"The Jedi were wrong."

She didn't have to read their minds to know what they were thinking. She could see it in the firm set of Poe's jaw, Rose's clenched fist, and Finn's watery eyes.

_You sound like him. Like Kylo Ren._

She summoned her staff to her hand and turned, stalking out the room.

* * *

She felt restless, itching for a fight. Anything to distract her from running the argument over and and over in her head. She inhaled deeply, trying to calm her mind and exhaled in a long measured breath, but it only ruffled the loose hair at her forehead, the falling strands tickling her nose and she swatted them away angrily.

She rolled onto her back just as the telltale brush of the force washed over her, warmth starting to radiate from her side.

"They are frightened of me," she said into the dark.

"They should be."

Reflex made her turn her head sharply though she knew she wouldn't be able to see him.

"I've done nothing but help them."

"It does not matter whether or not you've done something to earn their fear. You command the Force and they do not know how to counteract it or if they even can. Regardless of where they are from, they've all heard stories. True, fabricated, embellished, or abridged… it doesn't matter. They've taken those stories and made them into something in their heads of which you are now the walking personification." He took in a breath before exhaling slowly. "And if they knew how powerful you really are, the idiots would be on their knees."

She whetted her lips in the dark, his praise making her both uncomfortable and mystified.

"I am not that powerful."

She heard his light scoff. "You fought off my invasion into your mind and were able to read my deepest thoughts without any training. You used a Jedi mind trick to escape right under the noses of the First order, and you bested me in your first ever light saber duel."

She rolled her eyes. "This link between us allowed me to do it, allowed me to access some of your abilities. And as far as that night in the forest, you were bleeding out and-"

There was an abrupt rustle of fabric on his side just before she felt his hand clamp down on her wrist, the firmness of his grip just shy of painful.

"Rey, you defeated the First of the Praetorian Guard, escaped the most fortified ship of the First Order, saved the Resistance from annihilation, and invaded the mind of every First Order officer from across the galaxy _unintentionally_ and with minimal training. And you did not learn that last one from me. It is not a skill I possess. I saw your mind. Skywalker was afraid of you and how important you are."

She swallowed thickly, a bit shocked at his outburst.

"I thought I was nothing," she replied, trying for some levity but it fell horribly flat, his hand loosening his grip from where he still held her.

"I was careless with my words," he said quietly after a long beat of silence. "That's not what I meant. Not even close."

Rey felt that same rush of emotion that had first reared its head when their fingers touched, stealing her breath in a sharp inhalation. Though Rey had only ever held her own counsel on her worth, it was strangely touching to find he thought of her with such high regard.

"I don't want to rule over people. I only want control over my own life."

He let out a long, low sigh. "I know. I thought that was what I was offering. I see now that was not the case. I should not have asked that of you."

His fingers released her but this time she moved quickly, capturing his wrist before he could move. To her surprise, he did not snatch it away, instead just slowly lowered it to rest between them.

Her heart raced as uncertainty clawed up her throat, but it was the matching rise of his pulse under her fingertips that stayed her position. She increased the pressure of her touch, feeling the steady thrum of his heartbeat under them as the wall between their thoughts became gossamer thin. She could feel his anxiety and she started to remove her hand.

**_No, don't-_ **

His thought slipped through the bond before he abruptly cut it off, slivers of embarrassment radiating toward her... but she kept her hand where it was.

The darkness was a blessing as she slid her fingers over his skin, slowly tracing the patterns of scars and veins that cris-crossed over top. She didn't think she could do this if he were watching her, those fathomless eyes making her feel exposed and vulnerable. His tendons tensed underneath her, like an animal ready to spring until little by little, they relaxed, as his breathing paradoxically sped up.

She slid along those tendons, down to the tips of his fingers, noting the size and the length of them that dwarfed her own and recalled holding his lightsaber. The unwieldy and heavy thing had required her to grip it with two hands for any measure of control while he easily maneuvered it with his one.

Her memory was interrupted when his thumb reached up, hooking gently over her little finger, holding it.

She felt ridiculous for being so overwhelmed by this small caress. And then she remembered his memory of carrying her on Takodana, his first non-violent touch in years, significant to him even through layers of linen and leather.

How long had it been since he'd held another person? Who had been the last before her?

Affection was something fairly new to her, her comfort with it rising as she became more demonstrative with Finn and Chewie. But those friendly hugs and arm pats had never made her feel like this. Warm and lightheaded with something both deliciously wicked and yet tender curling in her abdomen, it felt dangerous, even more perilous than when he pressed her against a bottomless ravine on an imploding planet.

_Did he feel it too?_

And then quickly, he shifted his hand so her fingers slipped between his and she instinctively interlaced them. It was slightly awkward, her hand wrapping over the back of his much larger one, fingers loosely intertwined. She held her breath at the gentle, slightly tentative way they touched, hyperaware of every point of contact between them.

She could still feel the ghost of his fingers long after the bond closed.


	13. Chapter 13

Rey turned her face into the cool air, a soft smile gracing her features.

"See you got it fixed, eh?" she asked as she turned the corner to find Chewie closing a control on the Falcon. He gave her a grunt of affirmation before turning, his long arms falling to his side and a low purr emanating from his chest. He was waiting.

Rey gave him a tight smile and folded her arms over her chest. "You've heard about my disagreement with the others, I take it." She caught his nod out of the corner of her eye as she reached to wipe a smudge off the console.

"Do you think I'm wrong?" she asked warily.

Chewbacca's devotion to Han was extraordinary, his loyalty to Leia unwavering. If a fraction of that extended to their son, perhaps he could reaffirm her conviction that she had made the right choice.

The Wookie shrugged.  _I don't know him anymore._

Rey nodded and slid into one of the pilot chairs. "What was he like? As a child, I mean?"

She made sure the connection to Ben was firmly closed before she asked, uncertain how he would feel about her seeking information about him from his family.

 _Smart. And affectionate,_ he rumbled, moving to sit in his own seat. A mournful tone underlined his words and Rey wished she could see the memories she knew he was shuffling through. She imagined a black mop headed boy clinging to Leia's robes.

_But he was... fragile in a way, almost like he had a hunted look about him. A babe shouldn't ever have that. We didn't know why until it was too late._

He looked off through the window before continuing.  _He could be frightening when he had his outbursts…_ Chewie nodded at a large dent in the support around the door behind her.

_He did that when he was five._

"Why?"

_He didn't want Han to leave._

Rey sucked in a breath, remembering her own frightened voice shouting at the indifferent thrusters of a ship.

"Why did he go? If Ben needed him, if it was really that bad, why did he go?"

 _Han deferred to Leia and Luke when it came to the Force. They thought it for the best that Ben go to his uncle._ The Wookie rubbed his brow, looking uncharacteristically worn for a species that lived so long.

_Ben was a surprise. Han and Leia did not intend to bring a child into such uncertain times and into their chaotic lives. They loved him, the best they knew how, but Han had always been worried. What Luke and Leia had seemed like too much power for one person to wield. He thought he would not have had the fortitude to remain on the light side of the Force if he had been in their position. He was afraid he had passed on that weakness to his son. I think he would have given anything for Ben to have been born like him, to not have that burden. And then as Ben became more unstable... Everything Han instinctively wanted to do, the Jedi code said was wrong. He was told his distance would be to Ben's benefit, that cutting family ties would allow him to calm and control himself. It killed him to see Ben's struggle and to not know how to help. He left completely when he found out that Luke and Leia had kept Snoke's influence from him. How could he fight such mystical Forces with a blaster and a ship? It all felt beyond him._

Chewbacca paused to watch a ship land in the distance.

_He regretted it in the end. I know he wished he'd tried to find Snoke years ago and put an end to him. At least he would have felt he would have tried. At least Ben would have felt he tried._

He chuffed at her and she looked up from where her gaze had fallen to the floor.

_What will you do?_

She gave him a wavering smile and stood. "I'm going to protect Ben Solo. Though, admittedly I don't know how to go about doing that," she finished, rubbing the back of her neck.

He nodded his approval.

_You can stay on the Falcon, if you like. You could take Han and Leia's old space. Plutt gutted it all except the frame so it's just an empty room and a new mattress though you may find a Porg or two in there still._

She smiled her thanks, this one much brighter than before. "I could help you fix up the ship too, yeah?" she asked flicking some exposed wires with her finger. "I'll see if I can find some replacements in the yard and I'll be back later this evening with my things."

He nodded then turned his attention back to the front of the cockpit as Rey started down the hall. Her steps halted with a sudden thought, and she turned before she was out of view.

"Chewie, does sector M-10, 1942.44 by -89.52 mean anything to you?"

There was so long a pause that she almost repeated the question, unsure if he had heard her.

 _Alderaan,_  he rumbled finally.  _It's where Alderaan last was._

She returned to the Falcon hours later, hovering a crate of components behind her along with her meager possessions slung in a satchel over her shoulder. The room Chewie intended for her was not difficult to find as she had passed by it repeatedly during her stay on board before. Her bag slid from her shoulder as she glanced around the small space, her eyes skimming over the sleeping arrangements to the small door leading to a compact refresher. She stuck her head in, noting that it was too small for a real shower but at least gave her a place to freshen up and use the bathroom. She leaned back out and spun on her heel, pressing her back against a wall.

Chewie had not been exaggerating. The room was stripped of any personalization with even the aesthetic paneling missing here and there to reveal the rumbling guts of the machinery underneath. The only thing that hinted a couple had once occupied the space was the wielded frame of the bed that had been widen and lengthened beyond standard size and ate into the already limited floor space. She sighed in relief that it felt like just a room and not some shrine she was desecrating with her presence.

 _Alderaan,_  she thought,  _He had gone to his mother's home planet._

She tried again to imagine him as a young child, running across this very floor, and leaping into his mother's arms. It must have happened. At least once. The Leia she knew had not been cold or unfeeling.

She glanced up from her imaginings and inhaled sharply to see him standing in the far corner of the room, his tall form covered in a non-descript beige traveling cloak with the hood pulled up to shroud his face. She blinked rapidly against the strangeness the picture presented.

On the surface, the reason for his garb was obvious. He was a tall man with distinct features, the tan cloak allowing him to blend into most crowds and conceal his face. But the light colors looked all wrong, far too close to the robes the dull-eyed, reformed Ben had worn in her mind and yet still reminiscent of the black one from when they first met and he was just a masked predator stalking her in the woods.

He lowered his hood, his eyes flicking uselessly around her before settling back on her face.

"Where are you?" he asked, his frame rigid.

"Rori. Same as before."

He shook his head. "No.  _Where_ are you?"

She hesitated. "The Falcon."

His jaw worked before he looked away and huffed out a short breath as if he had expected her answer. "Of course you are."

"Are you still at Alderaan?" she blurted out, almost surprised at herself.

His head whipped back to her and he frowned. "No," he answered after a beat.

Rey raised an eyebrow, waiting.

"What does it matter where I am?" he asked and her heart clenched at his tone. He sounded as if he was truly seeking an answer. The words locked behind her teeth but filtered across their bond.

_It matters to me._

The lines between his eyes creased and his lips thinned as he pressed them together, looking almost pained before he sighed.

"Naboo," he said softly.

Her eyes widened in fear. She could go outside and see that very same planet. Her heart started to race that he was so nearby. It had to be fear, right? That he may be coming after her. She did not have another word for this jittery knot in her stomach that seemed to clamp a phantom hand around her chest and make it difficult to breathe.

"Why?" she asked sharply and his expression went flat.

"I'm not after your precious Resistance," he replied evenly.

She blinked quickly again, surprised to feel disappointed. Some of her emotions must have leaked through the connection because he tilted his head and frowned at her as if she were a particularly confounding puzzle.

"I know," she said, dropping her eyes to the floor. "I believe you, I do."

She could see his feet shuffle and then still, the only sound as the silence stretched out.

"That heap of junk barely manages to heave itself out of hyperspace and remain intact," he said finally.

"I'm repairing it."

"Don't waste your time. It's not worth it. It's not worth anything."

"I  _like_  fixing broken things," she replied, lifting her chin in defiance.

He pinned her right back with a glare. "Some things cannot be fixed."

"That doesn't make them worthless."

She heard him scoff in a way that sounded suspiciously like  _'kriffing scavenger'_  under his breath.

"That ship is on the most wanted list of every merc and bounty hunter worth their salt in this galaxy. Unless you want to shoot your way out of every port, I recommend you find a new one."

He snapped his hood back over his head and faded from view.

Sagging against the wall, Rey groaned. After the strange intimacy of the night before, this was more than frustrating. But this was how it was with them… three steps forward, one step back, then one step forward two steps back, on and on in an uncoordinated dance she could never hope to learn the rhythm of to maneuver smoothly.

Hearing a soft flutter, she knelt on the ground to peer under the bed and smiled at the nesting porgs underneath.

"Cute little blighters," she muttered and straightened before lifting a small box of adapters and converters to return to the frayed wires she had spotted earlier that day.

The next couple of days were companionably spent with Chewie, the two of them managing to only get into one or two sniping matches about the best way to definitively repair Plutt's modification on the hyperdrive. Her nights were spent designing her new light saber hilt that would accommodate the vented power. It was exhilarating, as if the Force itself was guiding her in this endeavor, though for now her staff remained intact. She couldn't bring herself to dismantle it until it was time.

With a quick explanation to Chewie, she descended the ramp and marched over the marsh and past the yard to the main hanger. Her schematics were uploaded into the polymer printer for analysis and she couldn't help the grin that broke over her face as she hit the start button. Always fascinated with machinery, she pulled up a seat as the arms inside the glass casing darted this way and that, building up layer upon layer for her mold.

Mesmerized, she felt she could watch this for hours, and considered the Force. Luke said it was part of all living things but could it be here, in the magic of technology.

 _No,_  she frowned.  _No droids were Jedi._

Her thoughts were interrupted by approaching footsteps and she looked up to see Finn. He seemed to steel himself before grabbing a nearby chair to place it next to hers. She hated this awkwardness between them, hated this gnawing feeling that they were reaching a metamorphosis of their friendship that would test its strength, and hated that she felt helpless to shore up its foundations before the oncoming storm.

"I don't want to fight with you Rey. I don't like how it makes me feel and I hate the idea that I hurt you. But we do have to talk about some difficult things."

She nodded and reached over to clasp his hand. "I know. Neither of us started out wanting to be a part of this, and yet here we are in the center of it all."

"I need you to help me understand this thing between you and Kylo Ren. Not the Resistance, me."

She squeezed his hand before letting it go. "I'm not really sure, myself, Finn. It's a Force bond, similar to ones the Jedi and the Sith used to use but there are some aspects that don't really fit. I thought it started when he took me on Takodana but I knew him before that, in my dreams and he had seen me years ago, a vision from the Force in the rain. A bond isn't supposed to form until people meet and even then it is usually formed intentionally."

His brow pinched as he blew out a breath, his lips curling in mild disgust. "You think the Force is willing this connection between you two? To turn him?"

Rey's face scrunched in contemplation. "No. Ben will never be a Jedi."

"Then why? What other purpose could there be?"

"I could just help him. Keep him from fully embracing the dark side again. That would be enough, I think."

Finn looked at her skeptically and she ran her fingers through her hair. "I don't know, Finn. Everything…. It's all changing so quickly, and I have no idea what's going on or why and no one to explain it. I never have, I suppose."

Finn laughed lightly. "I've only ever had someone telling me what to do. At least here they listen to what I have to say and don't threaten me with execution."

She smiled briefly before looking back at her hands. "He's the only one who might be able to give me any answers."

"Is that why you want to protect him?"

"No," she said quietly, taking a deep breath. She felt like the walls were pressing in on her, fate conspiring to make her answer a question she had been avoiding for months now. "He's..." She paused, shaking her head. "This connection… I see him, I can hear him, I feel what he feels. It's like he's a part of me now. I can't just walk away from that."

Finn blew out a breath of air again and looked at her, worry etched on his features. "So that's where you'll go? To him?"

"No," she answered quickly. "I'm going to learn what I can of the Jedi. The First Order still has other Force users. I'll need to be prepared."

Her attention was drawn to the polymer printer as it opened, spitting out the two plastic forms. She stood up, taking them in hand and holding them together. They extended slightly longer than her forearm, the diameter of it fitting easily in her grip.

"Is that what I think it is?" he asked, coming up to stand beside her.

"Yeah," she replied a little breathless. Even in this rudimentary form, it felt right, the Force humming its approval.

"Finn?"

"Yes?"

"Where's the foundry?"


	14. Chapter 14

She stared at the two wooden boxes, chewing on her lip while her thumbnail worked the cloth grip that was formerly attached to her staff. It was quiet, Rey being the only one left in the foundry and sitting pensively in a dark corner. The castings had been set for the last hour but she couldn't bring herself to open them, doing so feeling almost overwhelming, like one more irreversible step.

She snorted in frustration. Her staff had already been dismantled. What difference does it make now? Of all the things she had done thus far, why did this feel so difficult?

_Because you are letting go._

She frowned at the thought. Was that the same as letting the past die? His phrasing had never sat well with her. Just because something ends doesn't mean it relinquishes the hold it has on you... her relationship with her parents was testimony to that fact.

_Letting go, however, does._

Deciding, she set the metal rod to the side and slid the bolts free, digging her fingers into the sand until her skin skimmed the cold, unyielding iron. She pulled it back, clumps of sand and newly created glass falling away from the dark grey metal that gleamed underneath.

A bead of sweat trickled down her temple as she repeated the process for the other half, her heart thrumming and she lifted her multitool. Long minutes ticked by as she set to work meticulously clipping off errant scraps of metal from each piece then rose to kick on the grinder to file down the remainder.

After the hilt had finally been worked smooth enough to safely house the components,she stretched her fingers that had been made near numb from the vibration of the machinery. She wished to continue her work, feeling vulnerable without either her staff or light saber, but she had put off her sleep cycle far too long and was more likely to make a mistake than not. With a sigh, she wrapped the pieces in a cloth and trudged back down the path that lead to the Falcon. Another bit of sweat trickled down her shoulder blades and she grimaced at the humidity that permeated even these indoor spaces.

A half hour later she exited the main refresher on the Falcon muttering the praises of dehumidified air-conditioning to herself as she made her way to her small quarters, rolling her shoulders to work out the residual stiffness. Her fingers were getting caught in the snags of her hair as she haphazardly combed them through when she drew up short upon the threshold of her door.

At first it was faint, the sound of jagged staccato breathing reverberating throughout the room. She blinked and he was there, his long form twisted in the sheets of his bunk. His eyes were closed but his mouth moved with agitated mutterings, a thin sheen of sweat forming over his brow and exposed torso.

Rey hesitated a moment before touching his mind, flashes of his dream appearing before her and she felt suddenly ill.

He was on the catwalk, watching his father fall over and over again. This time he tried to catch Han, his fingers seeming to always swipe at air just short of his body.

She pulled out of his head, unable to just let him suffer in the anguish that rolled off him in waves.

She reached for him, her fingers stretching tentatively toward his bare shoulder when he moved suddenly, eyes flying open. A guttural roar escaped him as he bolted upright, his features twisted and suddenly awash in a red glow. Shoulders heaving in deep pants, he blinked, confused recognition immediately fading to horror.

Rey's jaw fell open as her eyes followed his alight saber blade... the one now pushed through her abdomen.

She looked back at Ben when she heard him inhale sharply, his face pale and lower jaw trembling as if he were trying to speak. She did not move, afraid even a breath could worsen the wound. Somehow she felt no pain.

All in time, she was sure.

In her peripheral vision, she saw his hand fumble as he thumbed off the emitter, the hilt clattering to the ground, grey hues replacing the red.

One of his hands immediately pressed against her stomach and she instinctively flinched. And yet, still she felt nothing.

Her hand closed over his and she lifted it away, steeling herself...

But instead of ruined cloth, her tunic was whole and unmarred. A choked, disbelieving sound bubbled out from her lips as she lifted the hem of the shirt to see the skin of her abdomen intact.

Fine. She was completely, utterly fine.

Her shoulders sagged in relief and she squeezed the hand she still held, a small incredulous laugh escaping her as she looked up... and froze.

Ben was shaking, his lips an alarming shade of white and he scrambled back on the bed, his hand pulling out of hers as he ran it repeatedly though his hair.

**_You nearly killed her. You only ever ruin-_ **

"I'm... I'm alright, Ben. I promise," she whispered as if speaking to a frightened animal and interrupting his thoughts.

He jerkily nodded his understanding, his eyes seeming to look anywhere but her.

"I sleep with it, my lightsaber..." he trailed off, his voice breaking and he stood from the bed, stalking away to put some distance between them.

 ** _Ever since Luke_ ,** his mind finished.

She shifted on her feet, unable to think of an appropriate response to dispel the tension of the situation as she stared at him as he stood rigidly on the other side of the room. The scar that etched down his face to his shoulder was as prominent as ever and she wondered why he hadn't tried to have it healed properly to minimize its appearance. But, as her eyes scanned down the rest of his half turned away form, it did not appear as if he ever sought aesthetic attention for any of his injuries, though bit of guilt stabbed at her heart to see the ones she gifted him were by far the worst, even the smaller starburst burn on his left shoulder from her spiteful jab.

_Cor, he must think of me every time he looks in the mirror or undresses._

The thought made her feel strangely unsettled and her eyes cast desperately around the roo. Catching sight of her new casing, she snatched it up, pulling the cloth from the pieces to show him.

"I destroyed the last one," she said, wrinkling her nose at the abruptness of her rejoinder.

His downcast gaze lifted briefly to her face in confusion before alighting on the objects in her hand and he stepped closer.

"What happened to the first?" he asked, his voice still flat.

"My crystal, it's cracked. When I constructed my first hilt, I used a non-resistant metal and did not include a vent."

She looked at her palm, missing the way his eyes snapped up when she mentioned the condition of her crystal.

"I'm lucky it just burned my hand instead of taking off a limb," she continued, shaking her head at her poor choice.

"Mandalorian iron," he murmured, looking impressed before his mouth drew down in a frown. "Your proportions are off."

She scowled at him and pulled her bundle back slightly. "They are not."

One eyebrow arched up. "They are, unless you-" His voice cut off as he looked back at her work, his head tilting in contemplation. "Where's the vent?"

She only smirked as a reply and the corner of his mouth tilted up. "It's a staff. The vent will be your second blade."

"Sort of," she confirmed. "The blades won't be even and the hilt will conceal most of the vent, leaving a smaller emission from the back."

"A pike, then," he supplied, nodding.

She grinned brightly in response, proud of her creation as they locked gazes. He returned her smile with a small one of his own and Rey felt herself startle. It had not been much of a smile, just the slightest bowing upward of the lips but it had reached his eyes, crinkling the corners and softening the dark depths, the effect she found alarmingly pleasing. A haughty aristocrat, a reluctant kin slayer, an enraged warrior, a melancholy lost prince, a handsome, kind man... How could one person have so many different faces? Had she even seen them all?

His brows furrowed, the smile dropping, and he stepped back from her, looking at an invisible wall as silence descended over them once again.

"I've left Naboo. So you don't have to worry anymore," he said softly.

"I wasn't," she replied, earning her a skeptical glance. "Where will you go next?" she asked, setting her bundle aside.

"Corellia."

"But... that's a core world. The First Order controls it."

His face remained impassive. "I am aware."

She frowned at him, her arms crossing over her chest, her mind whirling. "Where did you go first? Right after you defected?"

He studied her and answered, almost as if he wanted to see if she'd put it together. "Dagobah."

Her face scrunched up when she did not recognize the name.

"What's there?"

"About one hundred thousand square miles of the most putrid swamp you can imagine, infested with the most troublesome of creatures," he replied, his lip curling in mild disgust.

_Dagobah, Alderaan, Naboo, Corellia..._

_A swampland, empty space, a scarred planet, and a core world..._

"I don't understand. What are you looking for?"

A dark, short chuff of laughter escaped him accompanied by a sardonic twist of his lips. "The same thing you are. An answer to the question."

The words left her lips as she thought them.

_Who am I?_

His silence was confirmation enough.

"What were you doing? When you, you know-" she asked with genuine curiosity a few moments later, miming his earlier pushing of his hand against her abdomen. "Lightsaber wounds don't bleed."

His cheeks colored lightly, the brief flush extending down his pale chest before it disappeared and she found it strangely endearing.

"I was going to try to heal you," he replied shaking his head as if the thought was ridiculous. "It would have been useless anyway."

"The Force can do that?" she asked, voice tinged with astonishment.

"It has its limitations, but it can help."

"Why would it have been useless then?"

He scowled. "Darkside users can't heal. Not in that way, at least."

"Could you ever?"

"Some, when I was training, but it never came easily."

"Does that happen frequently? Abilities changing?"

He shrugged. "Sometimes. After..." he paused, moving to sit on the edge of his bed. "After Starkiller base, I struggled with the less tangible uses of the Force. It wouldn't heed my commands and when it did, it took significantly more effort on my part."

"And now?"

He looked her over again. "It's returning," he said finally.

"When did it-" she started to ask but stopped mid sentence as he blinked out of view. Her arms fell limply to her sides as she stared at the vacated space, the sudden sparseness of her room making it feel infinitely colder than just moments before. With a sigh she put away her things and settled in for the night, giving into sleep far later than she intended, and yet she couldn't bring herself to regret it in the least.


	15. Chapter 15

Rey peered through one closed eyelid, looking down at the text in front of her, and reread the paragraph before focusing to once gain attempt the Curato Salva. She relaxed several long moments later, and prodded at the place on her arm that had been bruised. The dark purple tinge was now gone, leaving only a mild soreness in its place. It wasn't much but after hours of nothing, she considered it a first successful attempt at healing.

She unfolded from her meditation pose and rolled to her stomach on her bunk, pulling open the drawer that housed the books underneath. She replaced the recently used one and nearly closed it when she stopped.

_Coarse rancor hide, supple Sullust leather, Gallian cobra skin..._

Leaning over the side of her bed, she cataloged the varying textures, the calloused pads of her finger sliding over the spines of the books in appreciation of their differences in appearance and feel. She supposed she would always be drawn to such things after a lifetime of beige and rough linens. Even the well worn sheets underneath her now were softer than anything she had worn on Jakku.

Her tactile perusal halted on one she had not noticed before, its thin papery spine wedged between two larger volumes. She gingerly slipped it out, her brows rising as she took in the faint impression on the cover.

She had seen it before on Ahch-to, a mosaic in a shallow pool, a figure half in shadow, half in light, the body the inverse of its surroundings.

The Force hummed around her and her breathing picked up, anticipation rising.

Maybe this would help her understand, give her knowledge on the Force that actually resonated with her...

She opened it, and her face fell.

The flowing script was in a language she had not seen before nor did it resemble any she knew. Looking closely at the markings cramped line upon line with the occasional black smudge, she was struck with the realization that the entire tome had been written by hand. Rey jerked her fingers back in fear that she would damage the delicate work while her eyes continued to trace the looping and varied strokes. She had never seen anything of its like before, finding the ornate lettering beautiful in an abstract sort of way, drawn to the meaning hiding in the chaos.

_What would you tell me?_

Lifting it, she sniffed the parchment on an impulse and found the earthy aroma of the book strangely appealing... comforting, even.

A soft clearing of a throat had her closing the book and jumping to her feet to see Finn peering into the room.

"Hey," she said smiling softly. The tension between them had eased considerably since their talk but the pauses between their sentences were just a fraction too long, their gazes flicking away just one too many times during a lull. 

"What you got there?" he asked with a nod to the item she still held.

"Just one of the books I took from Master Luke. Not that I can understand a word of it... Mostly I'm just admiring it."

He stepped towards her as she held it out for his inspection and his brows lifted.

"Wow. This looks like it was all done by hand... on real paper."

"Any of it look familiar to you? I'd like to translate it, if I could."

He skimmed over several lines before shaking his head with a frown. "No, sorry Rey. They only taught us Basic." He raised his eyebrow at her in amused disbelief. "You're the one who learned how to speak Wookie and droid by yourself in a desert. Can't you figure it out?"

"Shyriiwook and binary," she corrected, knowing he just did it for her benefit before taking back the book. "Perhaps. It would take some time though. I saw all sorts of alphabets and cryptics while at Nima but this... I'm sure I would have remembered something so beautiful."

She sighed and bent to slide the book back into place before turning to look at Finn again. "You looked like you had something to tell me. Is everything alright?"

Finn's shoulders slumped and he sighed, running his hand over his head. "No, actually. We've received word from Takodana that there's been an uptick in First Order activity in planets between the Colonies and the Western Reaches. Nothing huge, mostly smaller craft with minimal crew but they all appear to be armed to the teeth."

"Scouting for us?" she asked.

"Perhaps. But they aren't sending enough to decimate us if they find us."

Rey shrugged. "There are lots of places to hide and avoid being seen on a desolate planet. I could go weeks without seeing another being on Jakku all the time. Perhaps they are trying to cover more ground until they are certain."

His head tilted in acknowledgement. "Yeah... well, if you talk to, you know,  _him..._ could you ask if he's aware of any significance?"

She bit the inside of her cheek before resolving to at least ask the next time they connected. "I'will."

"Thank you," he replied, his back straightening and lines smoothing across his face in relief. "We did get some good news today. Heard back from an ally of the Resistance who says he's got some ships and supplies in the Outer Rim, near Mon Calamari. We just have to go meet him."

"That sounds like a trap."

Finn snorted gently. "That's what I said but Poe assured me he could be trusted. "

"When are you leaving?"

"Soon. We'll have to stagger the departures to avoid suspicion so it will take some time." He paused. "Will you come with us?"

"Unless the Force leads me on another path, yes, I will... if you think the others would not mind."

A slightly pain looked crossed his features. "You'll always have a place where I am Rey. Don't ever doubt that." He hesitated a fraction of a second before pulling her into a tight hug. "I'll let you get back to your reading," he said quietly, releasing her and leaving her alone.

She stared into the empty space a moment before shaking herself and reached for the roll of cloth that contained her lightsaber components before moving to make use of the technical station.

Hours later she stood and stretched, her back cracking. She surveyed her progress, pleased with the construction so far. A wave of apprehension struck her as she thought of testing her new saber, the fear of failing again potent. She needed the assurance of the weapon that she was on the right path even more than she needed its protection.

"I've had it," she said, directing her words at Chewie who was like wise fiddling with a circuit board. "I'm going to bed." He sent her off with a grunted nod, not even looking up from his work.

Kicking off her shoes, she dropped heavily onto her bed, just managing to pull the blanket to her shoulders before her eyes shut. She groaned as she felt the Force wash over her and she pulled her blanket further over her head.

"Can we talk in a few hours?" she grumbled from her cocoon. "I'm too tir-"

Her voice cut off as she heard screams in the distance. She bolted upright as her world lurched and she was dumped from her bunk. Instead of metal grating, her hands sunk into a silty grit up to her knuckles and her mouth fell open in disbelief.

_Sand?_

Her fingers flexed against the grains as she jumped to her feet and out of reflex, reached for the staff she knew wouldn't be there. The screams increased through the force around her, the sound of storm trooper blaster fire reverberating as smoked poured into the sky, nearly obscuring the moon above.

A moon Rey would know anywhere.

_No._

She took off, scrambling over the dunes toward the gunfire and gasped, her hand flying to her mouth in her shock.

Before her, the Nima Outpost burned.

Six dark figures stood at the edge, their backs to her, silent and watchful.

"No!" She screamed and they turned, their weapons drawn, the dark metal of their gear reflecting the flames that danced behind them. A lone red beamed burned in the dark, clutched in the hand of the central most figure.

The Knights of Ren.

Her world spun again and she stumbled, her back connecting with the familiar floor of the Falcon as her heart hammered away in her chest.

**_What's happened?_ **

She startled as Ben's voice thundered across her consciousness.

 _I... I don't know. I'm not sure_ , she thought, pushing shakily to her feet. _I had a vision. I saw-_

 _H_ er response was cut off as footsteps pounded towards her, and the door slid open, blinding her with the corridor light. Chewie and Finn rushed in, the latter gripping her forearms in his hands.

"You're grey," he said, alarm clear in his voice as he took in her pallor. "Kriff, Rey, what the hell just happened?"

"You saw it too?" she asked incredulously.

"Saw it? No, but we felt it. The sensors picked up on an energy surge and some of the equipment started to short out just before it pinpointed the source as here. " He glanced behind him and Rey could see Poe and several of the infantry in the hall, weapons readied.

"We thought it might be the First Order," he said, drawing her attention back to him.

She shook her head. "No, I'm sorry. The Force showed me something and I lost control. I didn't mean to frighten anyone."

"It's alright, Rey," said Poe, motioning for his men to stand down. "We're just glad you're okay."

Chewie rumbled his agreement. Finn was still searching her face, his eyes jumping over her features, taking in her distress.

"What did you see?" he asked quietly.

She opened her mouth to speak but they could hear Rose, her voice distant in the Falcon. "General, you're going to want to see this."

Poe's eyes flicked briefly to Rey before they left to join the engineer in the lounge. Rose was frowning at the communicator on her wrist.

"It's Maz," she said. "One of her contacts on Jakku just sent her this."

She tapped rapidly on the small monitor and a projection of a man shot out before them, the image intermittently blurring into static and cutting out the audio.

_"Someone, please---- help--- The First---they are just kill---I don't know-"_

The man in the hologram was suddenly snatched out of frame by an unseen hand.

 _"Where is she?"_  growled a mechanical voice.

 _"Who?_ "  he asked, his voice coming out in a tight wheeze _._

_"The Jedi!"_

_"I don't know what you are talking ab-"_

There was the sickening crunch of a crushed windpipe just before the man's limp body crashed to the ground, the image freezing on his lifeless face. Rey's fists balled at her side as Rose cut the feed.

"He said this would happen, that they would look for me."

"Rey, it'll be-"

"I have to leave, Finn."

"What? No-"

"I can't protect you all from them. Not yet. I'm not ready."

"Nothing has changed, Rey. They've always been looking for us."

"That was more than the First Order. It was the Knights of Ren."

Finn's face hardened and he turned to Poe. 

"What do you know about them?"

The General frowned, his arms folding over his chest.  "Not much. We know they abandoned the Jedi Order with Ren and they have varying degrees of Force sensitivity. They occasionally joined to fight in our larger battles but except for Kylo Ren, the others have been only sporadically seen."

"They can sense me in the Force. I have to go."  She turned, and finding TwoBee said, "Go, get the Trident ready." She marched to her room, hastily packing her meager belongings.

She could feel Finn as he watched her from the door.

"Rey, please-"

"I don't even have a lightsaber, Finn!" she exclaimed, slamming the drawer she was unpacking shut. She braced her hands on the wall, her shoulders sagging.  "I'll find you as soon as I can, alright? But I can't lead them to you. I won't."

Finn opened his mouth to protest but stopped, his hands falling uselessly to his sides. "Okay."

"Thank you," she replied, relieved he wouldn't argue.

 _You're not taking that Trident,_  grumbled Chewie, his large form joining Finn's in the doorway.  _It wouldn't outrun half of the Order's ships and you'll need something better if you're heading into the thick of it._

Rey rolled her eyes. _"_ Then what do you suggest? It's not as if we've got ships to spare and the Trident has served me well so far."

 The Wookie jerked his head, his meaning obvious.

"The Falcon?" she asked incredulously. "No, I can't. She's the fastest in the fleet. You can't afford to lose her."

_We can't afford to lose you._

Rey swallowed thickly as the giant stepped forward, one large hand coming to rest on her shoulder.

_Just when it is all done, bring my ship... and Ben...  home._


	16. Chapter 16

"Hmmmph," huffed Rey in frustration as she pushed back from the table, turning again to her stack of books. Something just wasn't right with the construct of her blade, but as to what and why, she wasn't sure. It looked like the diagrams, all the components in place and yet there was a dissonance when her fingers hovered over the emitter.

She flipped through page after page, not finding any answers.

"It won't work."

Her hands froze on the page, eyes tracking up til she saw him reclining on an invisible seat. He pushed himself up, his steps slow and deliberate as he moved towards her.

"It won't work," he repeated. "Not until you use the force to fuse the components on a molecular level. It's the only way it will be stable."

She looked at him, skepticism written all over her face and he raised an eyebrow in response.

"If it was just about running power through a kyber crystal, the weapon wouldn't be limited to Force users."

She frowned, closing the book, her hands going to rest on either side of it on the table. "They are looking for me."

"I know."

"I'm not ready."

"No, you are not."

She scrubbed at her face with her hands before running one through her hair.

"I've been practicing… but it's like trying to hold onto smoke. Sometimes I can feel the Force and channel it and other times it just sifts through me." She gave a frustrated shrug.

He sighed, his eyes going to the floor. "The Jedi were housed and trained in lands with abnormally high concentrations of the Force."

She blinked. "Yavin 4…" she muttered, recalling how she had felt when she stepped onto the moon.

"Was a Force nexus," he confirmed. "The constant exposure allows one to discover the nuances of the use of the Force and provide an easy pool of power when mastering techniques."

She nodded, her hand reaching to reopen the book and begin her search. Yavin 4 was out of the question, being far too obvious...

"Nam Chorios," he said quietly.

Her fingers paused on the page, her head lifting as her brows furrowed in a silent question.

"It's in the Meridan sector of the Outer Rim and is the home world of the Tsils, a mineral based life form. They amplify the light side of the Force and would make it difficult for darksiders to single you out among all the energy."

He met her gaze, his chin raising in challenge and unspoken question obvious even without opening the mental bond between them.

Would she trust him?

After a moment of consideration, she stalked past him, her shoulder grazing his arm on the way to the cockpit. A few quick keystrokes later and the floor underneath her shifted as the ship turned to orient to its new destination. He had followed her, staring at where her hand rested on the console, his expression shifting to tight lipped exasperation.

"You're still on that ship."

"Yes," she replied simply, pulling up the sector map to double check her coordinates.

"I told you-"

"It's the fastest ship-"

"And the most recognizable-"

"Which is part of the point."

"What point?"

"I need to lead the Knights away from the Resistance but not let them catch me. The Falcon fulfills those requirements quite nicely."

His fists clenched at his side and he turned his face away from her, his jaw grinding in frustration.

She pushed away from the console, putting herself directly in front of him. Like the last time they stood this close to one another, his eyes followed her but he made no move to increase the distance between them.

"I need you to tell me about them," she implored.

One eyebrow quirked as he glared down at her. "Are you asking for my help?"

Rey's jaw opened and closed a few times before it shut with an audible click, her arms folding over her chest.

_You're going to make me ask?_

_**You've refused everything I've offered you before, so forgive me if I need you to be explicit in what you want from me.** _

She took half a step back as he pushed two memories towards her...

_**"You need a teacher! I can show you the ways of the Force!"** _

_**"I want you to join me... Please?"** _

It was so hard to meet his eyes, the line of his jaw proud while hurt flickered in the depths of his gaze.

"I... I need your help," she muttered, her voice just above a whisper.

She'd expected him to look smug or at the very least, self satisfied at her admission. Instead, he drew himself up to his full height, hands clasping together at his back.

"The Knights are Force users that defected with me from the Praxeum. Skywalker was so desperate to rebuild the order, he took anyone with even a modicum of Force ability."

A large dark form appeared in her mind's eye, a ghoulish mask covering the creature's face as it held a long, thin axe in its hand.

"Kusvo Brot," he said. "A Falleen female. A formidable fighter but an overall weak Force user."

The figure blew away like smoke to be replaced by another, smaller, stocky one clad in black.

"Mumo Blirr. A Mandolorian male. He prefers to fight from afar, using a sniper rifle to pick off enemies. He uses the Force to guide his aim. Don't get complacent, though. He's more than proficient in close quarters and carries two small vibro blades."

A lithely built knight appeared, a flat, electrified weapon clasped in its hand with accouterments attached over its close fitting robes.

"Esider, a Mirialan male. An expert in hand to hand combat and heavily armed. The Force gives him preternatural reflexes but he has little control outside of this."

A hulking figure with cold grey eyes visible through the slit of his mask materialized, the butt of his shotgun extending just over his shoulder.

"Rishlu Mohandai is a human Luke took from slavers on some backwater. He had always been volatile but our Master-" He said the word with a sneer. "thought he could fix him, but he had turned even before the temple. He has moderate Force abilities."

Rey took in a sharp breath as a new image filled her mind, tall and cloaked, its face was not visible in the opaque blackness beneath its hood.

"Vemvoar," said Ben quietly. "He's a Miralukan. His people have no eyes, but do not think that means he cannot 'see'. The Force heightens his senses. he can navigate the deepest of space or the depths of the blackest caves far easier than either of us. Within the current knights, his abilities are second only to one other. "

Red filled her vision as the final knight emerged, his smooth saber beam reflecting off his gleaming helmet.

"Mirathi Chalissm, the new Master of the Knights of Ren and the only other besides myself who could bend their crystal to the Darkside of the Force."

The figured vanished, her focus returning to the man before her.

"His light saber…" she said faintly, "it did not look like yours."

He shook his head. "Kyber crystals are naturally attuned to the light side. They have to be forced to do otherwise or they will become inert. I… had difficulty."

She jutted her chin in the direction of where she left her construct hilt.

"Show me how to make it work," she said and after a moments hesitation added, "Please."

"I will," he said, "but only once you are at the nexus. The likelihood of success will be much greater there."

She started to argue but then stopped, nodding in acknowledgment of the sense of his statement. Sighing, she leaned back against the console, taking in his appearance. His clothes had once again taken on his preferred darker hues, high collars, and long sleeves but she was relieved he looked less ragged with every visit.

"Have you found the answer to your question yet?" she asked and he shifted on his feet.

"No," he answered after a beat. He ran a hand through his hair but dropped it quickly back to his side once he realized what he was doing.

"Where are you?" she asked after he said nothing further and disliking how stilted the conversation had become.

"I am still on Corellia," he replied, swallowing. "I will be leaving soon, though."

He disappeared then, leaving her alone on his father's ship.

* * *

 

Rey whetted her lips as the Falcon exited hyperspace, her head tilting in mild surprise. The planet below was murky, its details difficult to visualize, but even from here she could feel the thrum of the Force below, guiding her.

The terrain was rough and jagged, the elevation of the land rising and dropping in multiple plateaus like steps made for gods. Dark rivers disappeared into caverns and roared out of others to fall into endless mists below.

She wove the Falcon down through one of the canyons until she found a hidden ledge obscured by the falling water to set the ship down. Checking the atmosphere output, she was relieved to find breathable air and retrieved her cold weather clothing. Exiting the Falcon, she hugged a sheer wall until she found a moderately dry section to ascend. Securing her pack more tightly to her back, she blew on her fingers and began the moderately difficult climb.

Her hands rested on her knees once she reached the top and surveyed the land in the dim light, blinking in confusion at the dual shadows falling from the sparse vegetation. Straightening she looked up into the sky, taking in the two suns that were on opposite ends of the horizon and far smaller than any she'd ever seen before while planet side.

_This is as bright and warm as it gets on this planet, I suppose._

She sighed at the prospect of permanent, freezing dusk during her stay but shook it off and let the Force lead her, pulling her to another ledge where she started to climb again. Two more climbs and one rest later she found herself staring at the mouth of a cavern, the Force flowing like a current from it over her skin. With a fortifying breath, she shrugged her bag from her shoulder and clunked it down in the mouth of the cave before she started to unpack. From here she could still see the numerous black waterfalls that erupted from the sheer walls around her but was high enough to avoid the damp that had clung to everything below.

Her self deploying tent took only a few moments to set up and she made sure the weathering seal on the few texts she'd brought up was still intact before she removed one and started to clear her mind.

* * *

 

Rey collapsed onto the rough cavern floor, a raw, exhausted laugh escaping as she rolled onto her back. She felt jittery, her heart racing and sweat beading underneath her layers of clothing, leaving her chilled with her cessation of exertion. It had felt a bit ridiculous, using the force to balance her body, first on two hands, then on one before pushing up to her fingertips. A 'trial of skill' the text had called it, an exercise to use the Force to control one's body. Mastery would eventually allow her to jump great heights or propel herself forward.

"This is not a Force technique I am familiar with," a deep voice drawled just above her.

Rey opened her eyes to see Ben, his head cocked to the side as he studied her sprawled figure on the ground.

She scowled as she sat up and rested her elbows on her knees.

"I was..." she trailed off as she looked up at him, seeing what she swore was a hint of amusement in his eyes. "You know what I was doing," she said plainly and moved to get up.

He smirked and stepped back. "Where is your construct?" he asked.

"Here," she said, reaching down to pull out the bundle from her pack.

"Open it," he instructed. "And separate the components."

She opened her satchel and pulled out her omni-tool and sat on a thread bare blanket to set to open the hilt. In her peripheral vision, she saw Ben sit opposite her, a simple bench materializing beneath him. A few minutes later she arranged the items in a loose amalgamation of the correct placement.

"Meditate, then focus to meld the internal components using the Force," he instructed.

Her face screwed up. "You mean without my hands?"

"Yes."

"Okay," she muttered under her breath before folding up her legs and closing her eyes. It felt strange to attempt mechanical work using only her mind. She loved tinkering with the junk she found, her tactile sense being essential to her successes.

"This is no different. This is still you and your senses," he said softly and she peered at him briefly through her lids before relaxing once more. Her chest rose with a deep breath as she opened herself to the Force, letting it flow through her and the pieces lifted into the air.

_**Can you feel them? The components?** _

_Yes._

**_Push. You have to feel the individual particles._ **

Rey let herself drift deeper into the current. Whereas last time she reach outward into the vast universe, now she honed in her focus first on the crystal, its Force signature being the easiest to identify. It expanded in her mind's eye, magnifying as she burrowed deeper within it and her body trembled from the effort. Remotely, she felt his presence in her mind bloom as his walls dropped, his force signature passing over and wrapping around her. Her trembling slowed as she felt his power interlock with her own, as warm as the sun on a Jakku dawn.

Her hold on her crystal stabilized and she could feel the particles down to the vibration of the individual atoms. His encouragement was a silent but near tangible thing, letting her know this was correct, this was how it should feel, and all conscious thought left her as she started to move in a combination of his gentle guidance and her own instinct.

"Rey, open your eyes."

Slowly she came back to herself to see her light saber fully constructed and floating before her. Ben still sat opposite and she could feel his presence slowly, almost reluctantly retreat, leaving her once again cold.

"Is it done?" she asked and he nodded. Tentatively she reached out, the saber seeming to move to her palm of its own volition.

This... this felt right.

She stood slowly, her thumb hovering over the emitter before decisively pressing down.

A brilliant ivory glow illuminated her face as it ignited, the edges of the primary beam flickering gently and the vent spitting an angry beam at the back. The Madolorian iron salvaged from her staff remained cool and steady under her grip and she grinned in triumph, eyes meeting Ben's.

He was staring at her, his lips parted slightly in what she could almost call wonderment.

 ** _It is you,_** she heard him think just before he disappeared. **_It's always been you._**


	17. Chapter 17

Rey stepped toward the edge of the plateau and bounced on her toes to work the warmth back into her limbs. In the distance, a few winged creatures traversed the sky, their faint cries barely audible over the water the rushed far below. She removed her saber from the clip in her belt and swore she'd never get used to the rush that accompanied seeing it ignite.

She started slowly at first, practicing the motions she used to preform with ease with her staff, paying attention to how close the spins came to her own body and careful to not harm herself.

_Right hand up and over, roll wrist, release left hand, elbow in..._

Over and over she repeated the motions until she could do the pass perfectly before moving on to the next and her eyes drifted closed as the Forced moved with her.

"You are an interesting one."

Rey's eyes flew open and she spun on her heel, her weapon raised to strike at the unfamiliar voice behind her. It was a young man, likely in his mid-thirties, his well trimmed beard ending in a point on a friendly face that studied her saber. She relaxed as the faint blue hue around the figure became apparent.

"Who are you?" she asked. His accent was like hers, a mark of an outer world upbringing.

"My name is Obi-Wan," he replied his hand reaching up to stroke his short beard. She waited for him to continue, feeling annoyed when he just watched her with an amused glint in his eyes.

"Are you here to help me?" she asked, her hands raising at her sides in exasperation.

"No."

Rey's scowled and straightened, her hackles rising. "Then why are you here?" she asked and turned away to practice again.

"I wanted to meet you," he said, smiling as Rey's frown deepened. "You remind me of someone."

Rey paused mid swing as another figure materialized before her, her beam dropping to her side. The woman in the projection was shorter than Rey but her posture  and clothing was of regal bearing and her brown eyes conveyed a keen intelligence behind a beautiful face.

"She too was fierce and loyal and had the will to try to change the world."

Rey stepped closer, walking around the woman, intrigued. "Who is she?"

"A friend gone far too soon," he replied, the sorrow in his voice evident.

"What happened to her?"

"An evil man used the Force to drain the life from her while she was in a vulnerable state. It is the only way Darksiders can heal themselves or another."

The picture before her blew away like smoke on the wind.

"I said I am not here to help you, and that is the truth. Not because I do not want to, Rey, but because I do not think I can." He sighed and his face flickered and changed, his hair whitening and skin lining with wrinkles. "The Old ways... perhaps it is time to let them go. They could not save my friend and the losses that followed created echoes that touched nearly every life in this galaxy."

Rey's gaze locked on the the ghost, a niggling suspicion and curiosity burning within her.

"I told you my name was Obi-Wan," he said, voice now grainier with age and he smiled again, as if sensing her thoughts, "but towards the end of my life, I was known as 'Ben'."

* * *

"Where did your parents get the name 'Ben'?" she asked, as she held her body in place, using the Force to lift herself slightly into the air.

He watched where her feet hovered over the ground, seemingly more interested in her actions then her question. "He was a friend of theirs in the early days of the Rebellion," He replied offhandedly. "And dead long before I was born."

"A Jedi?"

His eyes snapped up to her face, giving her all the answer she would need. "And how did your parents come by the name 'Rey'?" he asked tightly.

Her control slipped and she dropped back to the ground. "They didn't. I saw the name on side of a Rebellion fighter's helmet and took it as my own. Plutt just called me 'girl". I don't remember what I was called before that."

His fist curled and he looked away, a hint of what he was feeling reaching her, something close to pity but with far less condescension. Indignation on her behalf, she surmised. Masking her surprise, she removed her saber from her belt.

"I wonder," she said quietly as she turned it on, "how different my life would have been if Luke had found me when I was a child." The hum of her blades disturbed the ambient noise as she spun them in repeating arcs. "Though I'd probably be dead. I would have been thirteen, maybe fourteen, the night you destroyed the Praxeum."

Nothing but the sounds of her saber slicing the air was heard for several long minutes and she half expected to find him gone when he spoke again.

"Carth."

"Pardon?"

"The boy Rishlu killed, his name was Carth."

"What happened to the other two children?"

"They weren't very strong in the Force. I released them on Coruscant after I wiped their memories. "

"You did what?"

"I left them in the care of a reputa-"

"You just left them?"

"You'd prefer I had taken them to Snoke?" he snapped back. "It's pointless to waste energy on 'what ifs', anyway. "

"Not if they prevent future mistakes," she countered crisply. "And how is that working out for you, not examining your choices and their consequences?"

The world around her grew stiller, even the roar of the waterfalls fading away in the background.

"You want me to say it? That I wish things had been different?" he asked deadly quiet as his eyes narrowed and he brought himself to his full height. "I'll tell you what I wish. I wish my mother had been honest with me about where we came from. I wish my father had cared enough to not leave me behind. I wish my first Master hadn't tried to murder me in my sleep, giving me no choice but to seek out my second, who had been messing with my head since before I could even speak."

His voice shook as he continued, his eyes dark and shining. "I wish he would have never followed me out onto that catwalk, that I would have just walked away... I wish my whole life I wouldn't have been so alone." He swallowed thickly, and backed away from her, the naked vulnerability on his face falling away as his lip curled in a snarl. "But not all of us can take what life throws at us on the chin and wallow on a dirtball waiting for something to save us."

Rey's spine stiffened, feeling as if she'd been slapped. "I did  _not_  wallow. I did  _not_  just take it on the chin. I was a child-"

"You're not anymore."

"Neither are you! And you weren't a child when you destroyed the temple. Nor when you terrorized me on Star Killer base."

"I never wanted to kill you."

"I didn't know that! You had just ripped open my mind, and nearly killed my only friend. You offered to teach me but in reality my choices were to join you and Snoke or-" Her words died on her lips as he abruptly disappeared, his end of the connection still bristling as he closed himself off and pulled away.

* * *

Days went by before her rage dissipated to cold anger and then weeks more before settling into a frustrated sadness. He had no right to speak to her like that, even if she had lashed out first. This was a recurring theme as she discovered details of his past, but this time there had been something else there behind his anger and just as potent... his remorse.

 _Forgiveness_ , she realized one night as she had lain awake on her bed roll, her head positioned so she could see out the tent flap. She'd have to forgive him and allow him start anew for there to be any hope of equilibrium.

She felt the connection open, his Force signature solidifying behind her and she rolled over. and studied his profile He was lying on his back, hands clasped over his midsection and black hair a halo around his face. 

 _Did he sync his sleep cycle to hers?_  she wondered. 

"I'm sorry," he said quietly, his voice barely above a whisper and the words hung in the air around her.

"I am too," she sighed heavily and rolled to her back, mimicking his position. "I can't see the stars here. The sun never sets." She paused and one arm gestured to the sky in sight just outside her cave. "Jakkuu i _s_  a dirtball with nothing in the way of color or beauty... except at night. No other planet has a night sky like Jakkuu."

There was a pause before he murmured, "Show me."

She closed her eyes and imagined herself back on her little patch of desert, the rough burlap of her bedroll underneath her as she opened her mind. And then he was there beside her in the sand as they stared up into the crystal clear sky, glittering stars filling their entire view as meteor showers streaked by, and the moon illuminated their faces in a warm glow.

"You know those shooting stars are actually falling debris from ships destroyed during the battle of Jakkuu that have been orbiting for decades," he said and she halfheartedly threw her canteen at him, knowing it would pass harmlessly through his shoulder. 

"It's still beautiful," she grumbled and she swore she saw his mouth quirk as she laid back down.

"It is," he agreed.

"How about you? What's the most beautiful thing you've ever seen?" she asked softly.

He remained silent for several long minutes until it all blurred away, his mind taking over their connection, and Rey found herself blinking up into a multi-colored sky. She pushed herself up from the soft green grass, her head whipping around to see they were surrounded by towering waterfalls, rainbows rising in the mists the waning sunlight filtered through. She sat back on her heels, jaw dropping as she took in the panoramic view before her.

"This is the most beautiful place I've ever been," he said, his hand gesturing forward.

"Where is this?" she asked breathlessly.

"Naboo, the Lake country."

When she had asked him, she had expected something beautiful, yes, but more so in a terrible, awe inspiring way... like the event horizon of a black hole or an otherworldly landscape of a harsh but mystical planet. But this was far more... well, 'romantic' was the only word she could come up with.. than she'd ever anticipated.

He had sat up with her, one arm resting on a knee, his other leg extended out in front of him. With his form clad in a loose dark tunic and pants, he was a harsh contrast to the vibrant landscape around them and yet somehow it still seemed as if he belonged here, a dark, dashing figure.

She glanced down at her utilitarian clothing, calloused hands, and rough nails before self consciously reaching up to touch the ends of her tangled hair.

The harsh conditions of her adolescence left her with little energy for more than daily survival. There were very few humans around her age at the Outpost and she learned early to steer clear of men, the majority of whom looked at her with a hunger in their eyes that made her stomach churn and her skin crawl. Her breasts were always bound against her chest, her clothes loose to hide her form, and staff always, always on her person. She had never tried to make herself look appealing to anyone... well that was not completely true if she were honest with herself. In preparation to go to the Supremacy, she had fussed with her clothing, trying to look less of a rough and tumble scavenger and more of a competent Jedi in-training but gave up after pulling back her hair, not knowing what else to do.

She dropped the lock of her hair and mentally shook herself. Her life was fighting and struggle and scratching for survival. She would just have to appreciate beauty when it crossed her path as something transient and never hers.

"Is this where you went? When you were on Naboo?"

He nodded. "One of my grandmothers was from here."

The idea of grandparents intrigued her... to not only know your parents but to have a concept of a heritage and a depth to an identity of self instead of an empty, blank slate. "Who was she, your grandmother?" she asked.

"Breha Organa of Aldaraan was my adoptive grandmother, but Padme Amidala was Luke and Leia's birth mother. This was her homeworld."

Rey's brows knit together and she turned to face him more fully. "So she was the one, I mean... she and... they, well-" she stumbled, her cheeks flushing, unsure of how to ask.

"She married Anakin Skywalker, the man who would become Darth Vader." He picked some grass and shredded it in his fingers. "But before that she was a Queen and Senator, and a veteran of the Clone Wars."

He sighed and dropped the destroyed pieces of grass. "It has come to my attention recently that I have more predecessors than just Darth Vader."

Rey pulled her knees up and rested her cheek on them, watching him until he returned her gaze. "I think they would all like to see you happy."

"Maybe I don't deserve it."

"Perhaps none of us deserve anything. Maybe all we can do is work towards what we think is right and hope that will bring us peace."

He scoffed. "That hasn't exactly worked out so well for me thus far."

"But things are different now."

"Really? How?" he asked, bitterness evident in his tone.

"You don't  _have_  to be alone this time," she replied, smiling faintly. "And besides, I need a teacher."

He looked away from her as his mind worked furiously and he bit his lower lip.

"I have a few things I need to see to first, but I'll join you as soon as I am able," he said quietly, watching her from the corner of his eyes.

"Alright."

The color of the world around her drained away, the gloomy dusk of Nam Chorios once again surrounding her.


	18. Chapter 18

Finn pulled at the lapels of his jacket as his feet struck the metal platform of the empty docking station at a remote location on Lothal.

"So where is this guy?" he asked Poe as he eyed the closed bay doors.

"He'll be here."

"I know you said we could trust him, but are you sure? This doesn't look like 'trust' to me."

Before Poe could reply, the doors slid apart and Finn squinted into the blinding light, his hand raised to shield his eyes. Chewbacca huffed next to him and adjusted his bowecaster.

Backlit, a man in brightly colored clothing walked towards them, his proud posture supported by a cane in his hand. The Twilek on his other arm leaned in to whisper in his ear and he smiled, a broad cocky grin that made him seem instantly younger than his obvious years. Once upon them, he turned, motioning to his entourage to halt, and his cape swayed with the movement.

"It's a pleasure to meet you, sir," stated Poe stepping forward with his hand outstretched.

"Poe Dameron," the man replied, a distant look appearing in his eyes as he shook his hand. "I knew your mother. She was an excellent pilot."

"She was an even better mother."

"I was sorry to hear of her passing."

"Thank you, sir."

 _Old friend,_ chuffed Chewie, enveloping the man in a fairly aggressive hug.

The man frowned, one brow raising as he clapped the Wookie affectionately on the back. "Not that old."

Chewie grumbled a response that had the man smirking as he reached up and patted his furry shoulder.

Finn straightened as his attention finally turned towards him.

"Lando Calrissian, this is Finn, formerly FN2187, a defected Stormtrooper. "

Calrissian's brow narrowed as he examined Finn more closely. "I did not think that was possible."

"It's not supposed to be," he agreed. "But that tells me there could be others that may join our cause."

The other man considered him for a moment. "Perhaps."

"Sir," said Poe, "You don't know how happy we were to hear from you."

The man nodded. "I have just now found myself in a position to provide meaningful help." His eyes cast briefly to the ground before lifting again to look at Chewbacca. "I just wish it could have been sooner."

"What changed, if you don't mind me asking?" questioned Finn.

His eyes seemed to soften before he spoke. "An unexpected benefactor has found themselves with a vested interest in the success of the Rebellion."

Lando Calrissian moved away then, leading them back through the heavy metal door. Poe glanced at Finn and with a shrug, he followed.

Finn's jaw dropped as they stepped through, taking in the machinery whirling overhead and the sparks flying through the air.

Lando smiled, one arm gesturing wide. "A  _very_  vested interest, indeed."

* * *

Rey clipped the blue light to her jacket and her light saber to her belt before pulling her hair up in a single bun. She grimaced at the feeling of the greasy strands and, pulling on her gloves, decided a return to the Falcon for use of the fresher was a must tonight. Her hand rubbed at a crick in her neck as she started off deeper into the cave.

_A night's sleep on an actual mattress wouldn't go amiss either._

The path dipped deeper into the earth and she let her fingers drag along the wall, feeling the hum of the Force.

In the quiet darkness illuminated by the slight sway of her light, her mind wandered as she took a path that brought her closer to the rush of water. She thought of the moment her father had sold her, how he did not even look back before climbing onto his ship. The memory did not hold quite the sting it had before but still she frowned as she jumped over a small crevice.

"What kind of person does that? Just sells a child to a creature like Unker Plutt?" she muttered to herself as she watched the churning underground river speed past, the white noise stealing her voice.

A soft, low ringing met her ears and she looked around for a possible source, her hand going to rest on her saber when she found none. The gentle tones grew louder as she stepped away from the water, lilting as if they were calling to her. She took off in a light run, traveling deeper into the interweaving cave system until the tones were practically drumming in her ear.

Her feet skidded to a stop as she entered a large cavern, the sounds vanishing once her eyes fell upon a towering monolith that disappeared into the ceiling. Its black surface held gentle ripples that danced when her light fell upon it, appearing almost like a silent version of the river she had come across earlier, and her breath fogged the glossy surface as she slid one of her gloves off her hand. The thud of her heart in her chest was the only sound in the room and she pressed her fingers to the black glass, the ground dropping out beneath her at the moment of contact.

She is back in the Lake Country on Naboo, the sun high in the sky as laughter echoes around her. Two figures, a man and a woman, are huddled together in the field, their joy palpable to Rey as they smile at one another.

The world whirls and bright blue skies are replaced by orange and red. The man, eyes cold though they glow a sickly yellow, watches the woman back away from him with tears shining but unshed.

" _Anakin… you're breaking my heart,"_  she says, voice shaking as her hand rests on her very pregnant abdomen.

A scream of pure pain and rage has her spinning and her hand flies to her mouth as a man, burned beyond recognition, writhes as droids work quickly to stabilize him.

Her equilibrium lurches once more, the Force dumping her onto the deck of a ship as a lightsaber battle rages, green and red flashing all around her. Rey blinks in surprise as she recognizes Luke and feels him pull on the darkness to overcome Darth Vader. He bashes away at the masked figure until one swing cleaves his hand from his body and he steps away as a delighted cackle fills the air.

She stumbles.

She is back on the Falcon with Han as he soothes a crying Ben, his face troubled when he eyes the fresh dent in the door frame and the cracked glass on the cockpit instruments.

 _"It's alright kid, it was an accident. It'll be okay,_ " he whispers into the child's dark hair, his voice not near as certain as he wishes it to be.

She is still on the Falcon but the air feels cold and sterile as Han and Leia face one another across a hall.

_"I didn't tell you because this is how I knew you would react!"_

_"I reacted this way because you didn't tell me!"_

_"You've always been afraid of him. I didn't want him to see that in his father's eyes."_

_"He's my kid too, Leia. I had a right to know!"_

_"What difference would it have made, Han? What would you have done differently? He's where he needs to be and with the one person who can help him."_

Han's face crumples in pain before he scowls again.

 _"It wasn't right," h_ e snaps, his finger jabbing in her direction, _"and you know it."_

A middle age Leia rushes into the arms of a sagging cloaked figure on a derelict ship.

 _"Luke! What happened? I felt... "_ She steps away from him when he doesn't return her embrace, her face hardening. _"Luke, where's Ben?"_

_"It was him, Leia. He burned the temple and killed the others. I... I failed."_

The glasses on a nearby table shatter as Leia's hands clench into fists.

The dark ship interior is replaced by a cheerfully lit room with soft pastel colors on the walls. A sandy haired girl plays with a doll, her blue eyes striking against her fair skin.

 _"We don't have family and yet we long for it, the built in allies who trust and care for us, who understand us... I had that in my mother. I want her to have that too,"_ a woman's voice says from behind her.

By the time Rey turns to see who spoke, she is gone along with the child.

The next images are hazy and dreamlike as they float before her.

_Flashes of white and red and a scream of horrible pain..._

_The Falcon diving and evading blaster shots over the backdrop of a grey sky..._

_A tangle of bare limbs in a darkened room with a feminine hand pressed into a muscled back..._

_A simple dwelling, warm and welcoming, with light filtering through thin curtains as low murmured singing permeates the room..._

Rey's hand slipped away from the obelisk and the visions faded, leaving her alone with just the sound of her labored breathing.

* * *

She exited the refresher hours later, her mind still running through the visions trying to make sense of them and their importance.

The woman, the same Obi-wan had showed her, had been Padme Amidala, she was certain. And the man...

She swallowed thickly, bile churning in her stomach as she recalled the burnt flesh and sinew pulling tight against exposed bone.

_Anakin Skywalker... Darth Vader... The Dark Lord_

What had happened to him? How did it go so poorly? They had been so in love...

She pulled her shirt over her head and pinched the bridge of her nose before shaking herself and retiring to her room, making sure she didn't look at the dent in the wall as she passed.

Twobee hummed when she touched the panel to her door, its gears rolling it back and forth in an agitated manner.

"I'm fine. I just need some sleep," she replied and waved him off with a smile, her door closing quietly. Her bed felt wonderfully comfortable but her mind was still restless, refusing to shut off and she flopped onto her back, staring at the ceiling after several futile minutes.

She thought of the man and woman she had seen tangled together in an intimate embrace and let out a slow, long breath. Their faces had been angled away from her, the woman's obscured by his shoulder and his falling beneath the plane of his bowed back. His hips were bracketed between her thighs and her hand gripped the small of his back, tendons tense as if she were trying to pull him closer.

Rey couldn't imagine what it would be like to have someone that close, their hands on her body as they moved within her...

While at one time the thought of sex had made her uncomfortable and disgusted, she had to admit there had been something beautiful in the couple's movements, a desperate tenderness in the way his arms had wrapped around her and her foot curled against his calf.

Something like that, she considered, could be worth experiencing.

Her breath hitched as she ran her fingers over her rib cage to brush along the curve of her breast, imagining a large masculine hand in its place. Sudden embarrassment had her curling it in a fist, pulling her fingers away from her body and she bit her lower lip uncertainly. She checked on her connection to Ben to make sure it was securely shut but thinking of him had the muscles of her stomach tightening and the phantom hand in her mind now had a familiar pattern of light scars.

"Oh kriff," she whispered as warmth pooled in her abdomen and she shifted on the bed, her hand going to rest hesitantly on the waistband of her pants. She became hyperware of her body, the roughness of the sheets against her skin, the air that filled her lungs, and the uncomfortable tingling between her legs that insisted on being touched.

Without much further thought, she slid her hand beneath her clothes, a relieved breath escaping as her fingers pressed between her legs. Her other hand roamed her body, tracing over her hip up to the valley between her breasts to skim along on her collarbone. It took her a few unpracticed starts until she found a rhythm that had her shuddering, her hips twitching involuntarily, but it did not feel like enough...she felt too open and exposed. She rolled onto her stomach, one leg sliding out to the side as she resumed her movements.

That felt better, and she could almost imagine a body pressed against hers, a broad, heavy form that would make her thighs ache to accommodate. She turned her face into the mattress to muffle her whimper, wishing it was the curve of a neck that smelled like leather and sweat and smoke. Her inner muscles, pulled impossibly tight and she held her breath, a chant of  _please, please, please_  rolling over in her head as tears brimmed under her lids.

_I want... please..._

Then she heard his voice, faint and low.

**_Rey_ **

And she fell over the edge.


	19. Chapter 19

Rey lay frozen in her bed, a sickening  combination of humiliation and panic running furiously through her mind and heart.

_Did he know? Had he heard? Had he seen? Had he felt…_

Her face heated, a crimson flush burning down her neck and chest as she recalled the pleasure that had rolled through her and who she had imagined delivering it.

_Oh, kriff, if he knew that-_

She shoved the flat of her palms against her eyes, a high pitched scream of frustration piercing the dark silence as it escaped from behind clenched teeth.

_But surely, he would have said… something… by now if he had?_

She worried her lower lip and tentatively prodded the glowing point in her mind. A relieved breath rushed out from her lungs upon finding it steady and closed. She rolled to her side, determined to find sleep.

And yet, she couldn't help but wonder ...what  _would_  he have thought?

* * *

"And what are the other resources at our disposal?" asked Lando as he motioned for them to follow him down the hall.

Poe grimaced. "Well, uh, its what you saw out there-"

"And?"

"Uh, about fifteen fighters and two cargo ships."

"And?"

"That's it, sir."

The man shook his head without breaking his stride and let out a low whistle as the others marched behind. "You kids are even worse off than we were."

"We have Rey," interjected Finn as they entered a poshly decorated room. "We can't forget Rey."

"Who's Rey?" asked Lando and gestured to the available seating.

"A Force user that has helped our cause before… but she's on her own path now," answered Poe with a hesitant glance toward his friend.

"She's still on our side."

"I know, buddy. I do. But right now we have to go at this as if we're on our own." He reached out and squeezed his shoulder. "And when she returns, we'll re-calibrate but neither you or I know when that will be."

Lando watched the exchange as he leaned back into his chair, his feet moving to prop on the edge of his desk. "Well, in other news…" he said, "I've heard the First Order is short one Emperor."

Poe nodded once as he took his seat. "We've heard similar tellings, but there's no definitive proof."

Lando's gaze settled on Chewbacca, a silent question passing between them. Whatever answer he saw in the Wookie's response had him raising his eyebrows as he propped his forefinger and thumb against his temple.

"Interesting," he murmured before smiling broadly. "So what was it you wished to discuss?"

Rose leaned forward in her chair. "We were hoping you could give us some more information on our benefactor. It hasn't really sat right with us that we don't know where the funds are coming from."

The smile fell from the former scoundrel's face and he looked genuinely contrite. "I'm sorry, but I cannot tell you that."

"We can't in good conscience fund our cause with blood money."

He frowned and pulled his feet back to the floor. "Every credit in the galaxy is blood money. Anyone you are particularly concerned about, though?"

"Canto Bight?"

"No."

"The Hutts?"

Lando huffed a laugh like he just heard a private joke. "Them neither." He spread his hands wide. "Now, should we run down the list of every nefarious organization in the galaxy, or did we have anything else to discuss?"

Rose bit the inside of her cheek, dissatisfied with his answers but placated for now. "There is one other thing."

Finn cleared his throat and straightened in his seat. "Rose and I were talking and we figured there could be others like me, others that, while they may not wish to fight for the Resistance, they may be willing to defect for their freedom."

Rose nodded and reached over to grip Finn's forearm in support. "If you've heard that the new Emperor is gone, then surely rumor has made its way through the ranks. The time would be good to let others know defection is possible for anyone in the First Order, from a lowly janitor to the Supreme Leader himself."

"Agreed," he replied, looking impressed. "I will pass this along to my contacts to be disseminated." He sighed and folded his arms over his chest, his eyes flicking over all in the room. "Now, tell me about this 'Rey'."

Finn swallowed as all eyes turned expectantly toward him and he had just cleared his throat when it felt like something shot up his spine to wrap around his chest. For a moment he couldn't breathe and then, just as suddenly it was gone. He looked up to see Rose and Poe likewise clutching their fists to their chest and wearing matching looks of consternation.

"What... was that?" asked Rose quietly.

Lando and Chewy shared a glance.

 _That,_  rumbled the Wookie with a concerned treble,  _was The Force._

* * *

In and out, in and out, the air rushed in and filled her lungs as her palms rested upwards on her knees. Focusing, Rey pushed the Force outward from her body, the tendrils snaking in to the earth beneath her to find the Tsils, each a black crystalline monolith that welcomed her touch. A small smile graced her lips with every new one, their power rushing from the planet, amplifying as they combined and lent their power to her own.

It felt exhilarating and she pushed harder. Dimly she recalled Soulzar's warning but this was different with the Tsils... Each outward reach just magnified her own.

Like this, she could find the end of the universe. She could touch the stars. She was more than her mortal body, insubstantial and infinite.

Though her consciousness was far away, her body lifted off the plateau where she sat, small blue sparks trailing over her skin. Her hair, loosely hanging over her shoulders to protect her neck from the cold, now wafted around her.

Faintly, she could feel something tugging against her mind but she ignored it. With the power of Nom Chorios' Tsils, nothing could hurt her and all answers were just over the next horizon... if she could just get a little more power and push a little further she could finally see and know...

Why did her parents not love her? Why was she so easy to abandon? Why did the Force leash her to Ben Solo? What was the point? What was her purpose?

The tugging became firmer, almost like a pounding at her mental walls and she shrugged it off only to have it return and she pulled away violently, feeling enraged at the interruption. The Darkside of the Force that had been swirling just out of her grasp seeped in and she sighed shakily at the intrusion, letting it in further.

Electricity arced from her body, cracking in the air around her and singing the sparse vegetation.

The walls around her shredded and she felt hands grip her face then jerk away as if burned.

"Rey! Stop!"

Her lids flew open to see Ben, his face just inches from hers and eyes wide with rigid panic as he yelled at her. Concentration broken, her body fell in a heap to the ground, exhausted.

"Get up. Rey, you have to get up!"

She groaned and rolled to her side in preparation to push herself to her feet but her arms gave out and her breath stirred the dirt in front of her face. "I'll be fine. I just... I just need a minute."

"You don't..." he cut himself off with a frustrated growl, his hands running through his hair. The movement exposed his normally hidden ears and in her dazed state, she found it strangely endearing how much they stuck out. His eyes shot to her prone form and he crouched down to look her better in the eye. "You have to get to the Falcon and leave now. If any of the Knights happened to be searching in that sector, they will find you. Kriff, what the hell were you thinking?"

"What? I just..."

"You tapped the power of an entire planet, a Force Nexus at that, and then broadcast it out into the galaxy. I'm several thousand parsecs from you and it nearly knocked me off my feet."

"You could feel it?"

" _Everyone_  could feel it, Rey," he snapped.

She pushed up to her knees before shakily rising to her feet. "I thought... I thought it would tell me."

"Tell you what?"

"Why this," she responded, gesturing between themselves before leaning forward and resting her palms on her knees.

"That..." he murmured, his face pinching slightly. "I think I know."

She straightened, her eyes widening. "Really? Why?"

He scowled and shook his head. "You need to get off this planet. Right. Now."

"What, no," she snapped stepping back a few paces from him. "Not until you tell me."

He glared at her, his fists clenching at his sides before he cursed. "There is a prophecy about one being able to bring balance to the Force. It was first thought to be Anakin Skywalker, then perhaps Luke. Snoke said it was me. But yet here we are, still at war, still fighting. "

"And you, what do you think?"

"I think," he ground out, "you won't be able to balance anything if you're dead!"

She opened her mouth to respond but stopped when she saw a black ship break through the cloud cover above her. He was gone when she looked back down but she could still hear his voice reverberating around in her head.

**Run.**

She scrambled back on weak legs, her hand confirming her saber was securely attached to her hip as she darted into the cave system. Her usually agile feet felt sluggish and heavy as she vaulted over rocks and she ignited her saber to help her navigate the twisting and turning path. She skid to a stop when she heard the engines die out and the echo of approaching footsteps.

 _Two, at least,_  she thought backing away and moving deeper into the cave. Despite the care she took with her movements, they were slowly gaining on her and she killed her saber, plunging her into darkness and pressed her hand against the wall to further guide her.

 _Kriff,_  she cursed as she came to a dead end. Quickly ascertaining she would not have time to back track, she ran her palm over the wall, and finding a hand hold, ascended. Several feet up she crouched on a small ledge and waited. The pale red glow of a vibroblade grew closer and Rey shrunk back, holding her body as close to the rocks as possible and sighed in relief once it moved further away on an alternative path. After a minute, she climbed down and started to quietly retraced her steps, her progress excruciatingly slow without a light source. Her breaths were short and shallow, paced out between her movements but everything sounded deafening to her ears and she grimaced.

Suddenly, the hair on the back of her neck stood on end and reflexively she spun, igniting her saber just in time to block a song steel staff from bashing in her skull. In a flash, it was withdrawn, the other end whizzing past her cheek as she ducked and sent a Force push outward. The sound of a grunt and clattering rocks assured her it had connected and Rey took off in a run, desperate to reach the exit. She was exhausted and outnumbered. She had to make it to the Falcon.

The exit to the cave had just come into view, a small speck of light in the distance, when a large body slammed into her from the side. She barely managed to hold onto her blade as her back connected with the ground, the mass that had held onto her breaking away with the impact. She tumbled down a decline, the roar of the underground river growing louder.

Gritting her teeth, she used the momentum to roll to her feet and waited.

Two thin red lights filled the cavern, the matching vibrobeams showing the broad outline of their owner.

**_"Mumo Blirr. A Mandolorian male. He prefers to fight from afar...don't get complacent, though. He's more than proficient in close quarters and carries two small vibro blades."_ **

Rey swallowed thickly as another figure stepped up beside him. Hooded all in black, the light from his companion's beams danced over the silvery surface of his staff.

**_"Vemvoar... a Miralukan. His people have no eyes, but do not think that means he cannot 'see'."_ **

They said nothing as they separated, each circling to surround her and Rey ignited her blade, shuffling back to keep them in front of her as best she could. It seemed as if she blinked and they were upon her, red and silver moving furiously through the air. Her pike spun as if on its own accord, deflecting as she reluctantly gave up ground. Her visibility was a handicap and she wondered how Blir seemed to have no trouble.

_His helmet... he must have night vision._

Rey threw off his blades and made to smash at the eyes on his protection but her forward arm was gripped in the Force, the movement yanking her violently backward. Letting out a startled cry, she managed to stay upright but didn't dodge the staff that caught her across the cheek. Pinpoint lights erupted behind her lids and she reached out with the Force to grip at the walls around her.

With a loud snap, rocks started to tumble from the ceiling and she sprinted further into the system, collapsing the tunnel as she ran. She shook her head to clear the double vision that had her stumbling into the walls and the light of her saber fell upon the rushing river just in time for her to skid to a stop at the edge.

"Kriff," she muttered, her heart thundering in her chest and clouds of condensation forming with her heavy breaths. The air stirred around her and she ducked and pivoted, her beam swinging upward to block and catch the incoming staff. The Miralukan leaned into the intersection of their weapons, using his weight to his advantage and her feet slid against the eroding ground closer to the ledge.

The water rushed at her back, black as the oil that flowed in the machines she tinkered with on Jakku, while they struggled and the light from her saber illuminated the flat, non-existent eye sockets of the face beneath the hood of her attacker, the sight unnerving her greatly. She reached for the Force like she had done on Starkiller base but it sputtered out and died, leaving her limbs and confidence shaking. Vemvoar's staff broke free of their lock and he slammed his shoulder into her chest.

Though only a fraction of a second, it seemed like forever that she hovered in the in-between, her future on a knife's edge. And then, with a nearly imperceptible shove, the Force pushed her into the waiting torrent.


	20. Chapter 20

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Chapter 19 was posted just a day or so ago so make sure you read that one as well

The swiftness of the current pulled her beneath the surface and she frantically struggled upward, her shoulder striking a rock here, her back scraping against the sharp walls there. She gasped into the dark as her head broke the surface and she just had time to shove her saber into her jacket before she was dragged back under.

Pulling on her rage and fear, she felt the Force well up within and propel her upward once more. Rey blindly grabbed at whatever meager hold she could, and was horrified to find herself braced against the entrance to an underground cave system, the water pulling her downward.

She tried to tamp down her panic and focus on her hands and their placement on the sheer rock face but every attempt to re-position had her sliding down further into the mouth of the cavern.

"No!" she cried in frustration as she slipped again, the water rushing over her ears and face. One of her boots came loose as she tried to kick against the ceiling and water poured into her coat, snagging the hood like a sail. All at once she lost her grip and was yanked violently downward, her body loosing all sense of proprioception.

The back of her skull struck something hard and she went limp from the impact. Her lungs burned as her brain screamed at her to breathe but she had no idea which way was up to even attempt to find the surface. The current was more turbulent now, the rush of the water like the roar of a Destoyer's engine in her head.

She could feel herself fading and knew at any moment she would take in an involuntary breath, and the black water would rush into her lungs.

That would be it, that would be her end.

And then she was flying, her body following the water into the air as it cascaded out the cliff side. Desperately she breathed in, the precious oxygen allowing her to focus enough to try to pull on the Force and slow her descent.

But the fall was from too great a height and the weight of the water too much.

 _Ben,_  she thought, knowing how the death of her side of the bond would hurt him.  _I'm sorry._

The small point he occupied in her mind bloomed in a fiery rush just before she slammed into the waiting black depths below.

* * *

It is all blinding sunlight and burning heat when she finds herself standing with the sand shifting beneath her feet.

"Come back!" she hears a girl scream and her stomach lurches. She knows this memory, had seen it first in Ben's mind and replayed it too many times since then in her own.

Her arm hurts in a phantom pain, mimicking where Plutt's grip is on the little girl's arm.

"Shut it, girl!" growls the grotesque man and he pulls her back toward the outpost.

Rey watches in horrified fascination as the little girl screams, slamming her ineffective fists into the meaty hand that holds her.

"No!" she shouts again and Plutt yanks this time, hard, a sickening snap reaching Rey's ears and her younger self falls to her knees in pain.

The ship is nearly out of sight now and the girl, her face tear stained and dirty, thrusts out her hand towards the escaping craft.

"Father!" she screams and Rey can feel the Force echo even in this memory as it rushes out to connect with the ship, the strength of it shredding the derelict machinery.

A rolling orange and blood red fireball is all that remains as the pieces rain down over the horizon.

* * *

Silence surrounded her as her body drifted in nothingness and she wondered, with very little concern, if she'd been spaced and these were her last moments.

**Rey!**

Iron bands clamped around her chest and waist, yanking her upward.

_The knights... on Nom Chorios... the water... the fall... my father._

Cold wind rushed across her face as her body broke the surface, held aloft in the air by the Force, and yet, Rey barely noticed.

_I killed him._

**Rey, dammit, wake up!**

She felt the press of gloved fingers against her chin, the sensation slowly returning to the rest of her body as her eyes fluttered open. Ben was crouched over her, a hood and cloak obscuring most of his face from her blurry vision.

"Can you walk?" he asked, his voice sounding muffled and far away to her ears. Slowly his question registered and she looked down, surprised to see her limbs trembling violently underneath her sodden clothes. She tried to move them but they would not obey beyond pulling in tighter towards her body in a reflexive movement to seek warmth.

"Kriff," he cursed and reached down,  clipping her saber to his belt before leaning back and removing his cloak to wrap around her form. Small wisps of condensation escaped with his every breath as he hurriedly scanned the terrain.

"I've masked our Force signatures. They'll think you're dead but will still look for a body," he explained as he crouched and hauled her up in his arms. Her teeth started to clatter, and he looked down at her, frowning. She felt him prod at her mind, likely trying to get a full assessment of her injuries and he quickened his pace away from the shore, his feet sliding on loose rocks as he entered a cavern to take refuge.

She stared at him in shock. How was he here? 

"Y-y-y-your shhhhhhhhip?" she managed to force out from her lips, her tongue feeling heavy and numb.

**Don't have one. I got here through the bond.**

Her thoughts were sluggish and she was certain she must have misunderstood… it was impossible.

 **Is it?**  he asked, squeezing past a narrowing in the cave.  **I was in that hut with you on Ahch-to. You came to me after my mother died.** He set her down behind a short wall that would shield her from view from anyone approaching.  **When it matters, we can.**

The red light from his saber illuminated the cave as he shoved it through the wall that blocked them, creating an eye hole for a line of sight to others possibly following. Shutting off the beam, he turned back to her, pulling off one of his gloves to touch the pulse at her neck.

She could not feel him.

"Our combined efforts with the Force during your fall kept you from internal injuries or fractures but your core body temperature is too low and your heart rate is dangerously slow. I can't start a fire without alerting them where we are. You are in no condition to fight and I don't know how long I'll remain here. I have to-"  he murmured before pausing to frown.

She could barely make him out in the darkness, his pale profile grey as he looked away from her, his hand falling away from her throat… or maybe it was her eyesight dimming at the edges, she wasn't sure. Her torso fell back as her control slipped, the back of her head connecting with rock behind her.

"Fuck," she heard Ben hiss and his hands were on her then, pulling the cloak from her shoulders in one quick movement before unzipping her jacket. He flung the latter away from them, the article smacking against the rock floor in a wet thump. Her remaing boot and tunic followed, and after some hesitation, he reached for his cloak again, this time covering her with the dry side. She could feel his anxiety and determination through the bond as he reached underneath it, his fingertips ghosting over the waistband of her pants. 

 **I'm sorry,**  he thought hurriedly as he stripped the clothes from her lower body, careful to keep her shielded under the cloak. Embarrassment poured through the bond as his attention turned to the fabric wound about her chest. He exposed a section over her ribs and ran his finger over it, his head drooping briefly when water beaded up. There was flash of silver, the sound of fabric tearing, and then he was pulling the cloak up to her chin and over her shoulders.

Part of her mind registered that she was naked in a cave with her former enemy while two murderous Darksiders hunted for her dead remains, but she felt like she was watching from just outside her body, half her attention in the here and now, the other stuck in a moment in the desert so long ago. Other memories were pouring out behind the first, like the plug in a dam finally being dislodged.

_A dark haired woman, her mother,_ _hugging her after Rey brought a circuit board that could be scavenged for the precious metals…_

_The same woman, stumbling and drunk, chasing after her with a switch as the frightened girl hides in a crate..._

_Her father giving her a handmade doll he found on one parricularly bountiful scavenging trip…_

_Him snatching the doll from her hands to fling it against the wall when she played too loudly and he'd had too many stims the night before...._

_A few shiny pieces of scrap floating around her as she played, blissfully unaware of the adults who had just rounded the corner…_

_Her mother's open palm against her cheek and the clattering of metal as the items fell to the ground..._

_Ignorance feeding into fear, fueling their vices to bleed into rage directed at the source of their sudden consternation_

She pinched her eyes shut to ward off anymore memories and gasped against the pain that rocketed through her chest.

"Rey?"

His hand was back at the pulse in her neck, the other cushioning her head against the rock as she continued to shiver violently. His eyes scanned her face as he leaned over and she was struck with the sudden fear that he would disappear too, leaving her alone, shivering in the dark.

_Don't leave me._

She should have been ashamed of the desperate, child-like tenor she projected with it but the impulse vanished as his eyes softened.

**I won't.**

_I'm dying._

His eyes flicked over her and his lips thinned **.**

**No.**

With one look back towards the cave's entrance, he shifted to sit beside her and pulled his tunic off in one fluid motion.

_What are you-_

If she had any control over her body, she wouldn't have let out a startled, and very un-Rey-like shriek at the swiftness of him pulling her into his lap and the sudden near-searing warmth of his skin. He hurriedly adjusted the cloak around them both to contain their combined body heat, his eyes remaining lifted to the ceiling the entire time.

Instinctively she pressed herself against his chest, and a pained hiss escaped him as her icy skin came in contact with his.

 **Kriffing hell,**  he mentally cursed but his arms slid underneath the cloak anyway to stiffly wrap around her bare back.

Her heart was pounding loud and slow but she was no longer sure if it was due to her impending death or the position she now found herself in with her cheek pressed to a ridge of scar tissue just below his collar bone.

_My scar._

She knew he heard her slightly addled musings by the startle in his already rigid posture but he did not otherwise respond.

It felt like forever until she stopped shivering, his body heat finally raising her own out of lethal range, but still she did not move.

_Kriff, what have I done..._

"I killed him," she whispered, and she felt him shift to peer down at her, his confusion evident.

"Who?"

"My father."

She pushed the memory towards him, finding the action easier than describing every excruciating detail. In her raw state, the other recollections of her life with her parents seeped through as a jumble of blurry images.

"My mother abandoned us. And my father, he sold me because he was afraid of me." He voice caught as she took in a shakey breath. "I murdered him for it."

She could laugh from the irony of her confession if her only her chest would stop caving in. 

His struggle was apparent and she felt his desired response filter through their connection, a cutting ferocity backing the thought before he pulled back.

_**He deserved it.** _

He shifted, his chest rising as he took a sharp breath and a moment later he responded. "You didn't know that would happen," he said finally, his voice passing directly through her. "You only wanted him to stay."

Her face crumpled and she turnes her cheek into his shoulder. After a heartbeat, the hands that had been held in fists away from her body folded over her sides and his head turned slightly to press his chin against her temple.

The comfort she derived from his jerky, hesitant movements was something she couldn't quite put into words.

It was so strange, the heartache she felt juxtaposed with the pleasantness of his skin against hers. She had no idea it could feel this nice to be held... she'd never been held before, not that she could remember.

_He was the last, carrying you on Takodana._

_Him_.

The universe outside the cave ceased to matter to her in that moment, her awareness narrowing down to where his fingers curled against her ribs and his heart beat under her ear. Meaningless titles fell away along with the burdens of their legacies, the Force, and any perceived destiny.

Here and now they were just Ben and Rey.

That thought spurned her, in a moment of wild bravery, to slide her hands up his chest to wrap around his neck and complete their first embrace. She had no way of knowing how long they stayed pressed against one another, nor was she sure of when her blood began to thrum in her veins and she became hyper aware of every point their bodies made contact. She let out a shaky breath, her exhaustion overtaking her, and hoped that she would at least not crack her skull against the rocks when he eventually vanished.


End file.
